Who wants to be a Millionaire: Celebrity Toon edition:

by pupspals '04



Opening logo


REGIS (VO): The Phenomenon continues! Welcome to Who Wants to be a Millionaire - the Celebrity Toon edition!!


Theme song plays


REGIS (VO): Now let's meet the contestants!


Close up on each toon as Regis says the name.


From Burbank, CA - Mickey Mouse!


He waves & giggles.


From Burbank, CA - Bugs Bunny!


He chomps on a carrot.


From ToonTown, CA - Roger Rabbit!


He does his p-p-p-p-p-p thing.


From Acme Acres, CA - Babs Bunny!


She flirts with the camera.


From Lombard, Illinois - Larry the Cucumber!


He bounces up & down.


From Ranger HQ... doesn't say the state - Gadget Hackwrench!


She blushes while the crowd cheers.


From Duckberg ... again doesn't say the state - Daffy Duck!


DAFFY: (outraged) Duckberg!??!?! I'm not from there! I'm as far away from that place as possible!! I'm from Burbank! I'm NOT that other duck!!!


REGIS: From Burbank, CA - Yakko Warner


He dodges Daffy's flying arms.


From Spoonerville ... (to floor manager) Why aren't there states on these cue cards?!? What? oh... (to audience) - Goofy!


He ha-yucks.


From Hollywood, CA - Bonkers D. Bobcat!


Audience & some contestants boo but Bonkers still smiles & waves.


From St. Canard ... AGAIN no STATE! - Darkwing Duck!


He appears in the seat via his trademark poof & kisses to the audience.


& from Japan - Squirtle!


He sprays water all over the floor.


They're all here for Who Wants to be a Millionaire! Let's play!


[DO do Do DO do do doooooooo.........]


Our first fastest finger question: Put the following characters in order from the oldest to the youngest!


[do Do DO! dum dee dee dum dee dee .....]


Lola Bunny, Porky Pig, Peg Leg Pete, Donald Duck!


[dum dee dee dum dee dee dum....]


Gadget leans over to Larry


GADGET: (whispering) Can you reach the buttons?


LARRY: (whispering) I don't even have hands! How do they expect us to do this?


[do Do DO!]


REGIS: Time's up! Let's see who has the correct answers & with the fastest time...


board lists Gadget & Larry as not answering at all, Bonkers, Squirtle & Bugs got the wrong answer, then from slowest to the fastest: Roger, Goofy, Daffy, Babs, Darkwing, Yakko, & (with 1/10th of a second between them) Mickey.


... It's Mickey Mouse as our fastest finger!!


Audience cheers as Mickey sits in the chair. Gadget & Larry try to get Regis' attention, but with the commotion they don't succeed. Yakko's mad at loosing by so little & starts to chant at him:


YAKKO: Rigged by ABC! Rigged by ABC!


Other non-Disney toons join in.


YAKKO & OTHERS: Rigged by ABC! Rigged by ABC! Rigged by ABC!


Mickey spins angrily around in his seat & stares at Yakko.


MICKEY: It was NOT rigged by ABC! When they put in the Who Wants to be a Millionaire Play-It attraction at California Adventure they let me test all of the fastest finger things to make sure they worked. I got a lot of practice!


The audience goes quiet. Yakko smiles, satisfied that he got under Mickey's skin. Bugs joins in.


BUGS: You keep thinking that, Doc.


Mickey turns in his chair again.


MICKEY: It's true! Every audience member gets to do the fastest finger, not just the 12 in the seats! There were a lot of 'em!


REGIS: Well, by now Minnie has moved into the friends & relatives seat...


Minnie blows Mickey kiss from the seat


... and we all know how you got to be the fastest finger, now how did you know that answer?


MICKEY: Pete was at Disney before I was, and I was around for the others. (giggle)


YAKKO: Yeah! He's the oldest toon in ToonTown!


MICKEY: You're only 1 year younger!


REGIS: (to audience) As you can see, this is not our usual format. Since this is a celebrity edition, all proceeds go to charity and the rules are a bit more slack. Help is allowed for the first few questions & there are only four questions since toons' cartoons are usually so short.


YAKKO: (to readers only) That, and the author couldn't think of that many questions or wanted to spend that much time on this script!


REGIS: ... The question levels are 100, 1000, 10,000 & 1 million dollars!!! Also there are only 2 lifelines: 50/50 [ping] and phone a friend [ping]. The stars get $1000 no matter what. Mickey, are you ready to play!


MICKEY: Yes, I am!


REGIS: Then let's play Who Want to be a Millionaire!!


[DO do Do DO do do doooooooo.........]


REGIS: For 100 dollars: Jack & Jill went up a ____? A) Hill, B) Mountain, C) Tree, D) Amusement Park Ride.


MICKEY: A) Hill.


REGIS: Is that your final answer?


MICKEY: Yes it is!


REGIS: And you're... correct!


Minnie & the audience applauds.


[DO do Do DO do do doooooooo.........]


... for $1000: What is the chemical compound...


MICKEY: uh, oh...


REGIS: ... of water? A)


Gadget starts to giggle in her seat. The show stops and all look at her. She realizes she's being looked at and starts to ramble.


GADGET: See, it's amusing that he of all people should get that question, since the compound actually looks like the silhouette of his head! The oxygen molecule has two hydrogen bonds that connect to the singular bond of the hydrogen molecules. It actually forms so that the two hydrogen molecules form the ears, as it were, and the singular oxygen molecule forms the head! ... 'course it depends on how you view the molecule, then the head would be sideways or upside-down...


The Rescue Rangers in the audience stand up on their shared seat.


RANGERS: Gadget!!


Gadget turns towards them.




Larry leans over to her.


LARRY: Um.... I think you just gave away the answer...


GADGET: Oh, Oops!


REGIS: That's alright, you're allowed to help with the first few questions. But no more. So Mickey, is it A) NaCl, B) Au, C) H2O, D) C6H12O2 ?


MICKEY: (giggle) C) H2O, final answer!


REGIS: Gadget, that's correct!


[DO do Do DO do do doooooooo.........]


The room grows dim & the spotlights focus on Mickey & Regis.


... No more help, he's on his own! For $10,000: Which of these Steven Spielberg cartoons are not associated with Warner Brothers?


MICKEY: I know this! Roger Rabbit!


ROGER: Woo-Hoo! I'm a question!


REGIS: Is it... A) Animaniacs


MICKEY: Nope! Roger Rabbit!


YAKKO: You'd better get that right...


REGIS: ... B) Tiny Toon Adventures


BABS: I'm a rising media star...


MICKEY: It's Roger!


ROGER: hoo-ooo...!


REGIS: ... C) Pinky, Elmyra, & the Brain


Babs & Yakko shudder.


MICKEY: Those are all Warner Brothers, Roger worked at Disney!


REGIS: or is it... D) Toonsylvania ?


MICKEY: (confident) It's Rog...! wait...


Audience laughs.


... Your advice about going with your first instinct isn't working here, Regis... Why can't Roger be a choice?


ROGER: Well, I was on Tiny Toons two times...


BABS: ...I remember all the attention you received.


ROGER: In fact, that was one of the last things I've done. I wasn't allowed on House of Mouse! Only Benny the Cab could get on!


MICKEY: I couldn't help that you're owned by multiple companies & that Eisner got in an argument with Katzenberg who Spielberg sided with...


REGIS: Mickey! The question...?


MICKEY: I honestly don't have a clue.


Babs & Yakko try coughing the answer.


REGIS: No helping!! What will it be Mickey?


MICKEY: Well, I know Animaniacs & Tiny Toons were Warner Brothers, for some strange reason...


BABS: Now, what ever gave you that idea...


MICKEY: But I'm not sure of the other two. Now if I use 50/50 there's not some guy backstage who'll leave those two for fun, is there?


REGIS: No, it's randomly picked by a computer!


MICKEY: Ok, 50/50!


[do DO!]


Choices C & D are left. The audience & contestants laugh.


... Is the computer alive & having fun?


LARRY: Maybe it's Qwerty!


REGIS: I'm telling you, it's a coincidence. So do you want to use your final lifeline?


MICKEY: I'd better not, I may need it.


Yakko & Babs start coughing again.


REGIS: You can't help now!


MICKEY: Oh, I know! Pinky & the Brain were on Animaniacs where Elmyra was on Tiny Toons! That's the fake. C! Final Answer!






REGIS: Sorry, you already said, final answer. It was Toonsylvania!


MICKEY: I thought that was the one with the blue computer geek...


YAKKO: That was Freakazoid.


BABS: Toonsylvania was on Fox... then never heard from again.


YAKKO: ...For good reasons.


REGIS: Well, your charity, the Main Street Orphanage gets $1000, which we would have given them anyway... Congratulations!


Audience applauds, & Minnie gives Mickey a hugs as he leaves the stage with an oversized check.


REGIS: And now for our next Fastest Finger Question...




REGIS: What?


GADGET: We can't reach the buttons!


PINKY: (OS) I'll help you Gadget!


Everyone turns to look as Pinky enters the stage. He's carrying Brain's arm extender invention that has the gloved hand & multi-length pole.


... I was watching on TV and had to help! You can use this! It goes on your hand here...


He helps Gadget put it on her hand, who just stares at the device in wonder.


... now when you move your hand, the other hand does the same thing at human size!


Larry leans over.


LARRY: I don't suppose you have a no-hands required version of that do you?


PINKY: Sorry, no...


Gadget wiggles her fingers and the mechanical hand does the same thing.


GADGET: Golly, that's handy!


PINKY: Handy! Ha ha! ...ha... I-I just t-touched Gadget! Naaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrfffffffff......


Pinky faints. Gadget is so absorbed in looking at the invention in front of her, she doesn't see him fall.


GADGET: That works for me, but what can we do for you, Larry?


DALE: (OS) I'll help!


Dale runs from the audience & lands in Larry's chair, then climes up on Larry's back.


DALE: From here, I can reach the buttons!


REGIS: Great! Now the question!


[DO do Do DO do do doooooooo.........]


--------------------(end pt.1)-----------------


REGIS: Now we'll see who will be in the hotseat & if anyone can go all the way! Here we go!


[Do do DO!]


Put the following search engines in alphabetical order:


[do Do DO! dum dee dee dum dee dee .....]


A) Google, B) Yahoo, C) Altavista, D) HotBot


[dum dee dee dum dee dee dum....]


Some of the contestants are counting on their fingers & others are humming the alphabet song. Dale tries to balance on Larry's back as Larry whispers the answers to him & Dale has to do a pushup on each button to get it do stick. Gadget moves really fast using Brain's device.


[do Do DO!]


Time's up! The answer is: C, A, D, & B. Let's so who got it in the fastest time...


Board lists Bonkers & Squirtle as having the wrong answers. The order from bottom up is Goofy, Larry, Daffy, Roger, Babs, Bugs, Darkwing, Yakko, & ... Gadget! She jumps down from here chair as the Rangers cheer. A stage hand runs to get a booster seat a la Denny's for Gadget to sit on so the camera can see her.


REGIS: Bonkers! Squirtle! What happened! It's alphabetical order!


BONKERS: I went too fast & got G & H mixed up...


SQUIRTLE: Squirtle! Squir, squirt, tle, tle scrirt. Squir....squirt, tle, irt, squirt. Squirtle!!! [** I don't speak English! I just say my name over & over, & I'm around Japanese speaking people! How could I know English?! Stupid host! **]


REGIS: Yakko, you must be mad at being second again.


YAKKO: I would be but...


He looks at Gadget as she climbs up on the booster seat.


YAKKO: ... Hellooooo Nurse!


Gadget blushes as the rest of the male audience joins in with whoops, hollers & whistles. Pinky wakes up & joins in too. Babs gets mad & stand up on her chair.


BABS: Hey! Hey! Wait a minute!


Cheers stop.


BABS: How do you think that makes other girls feel, huh? Where's my wolf howls?!


YAKKO: You're not up yet.


BABS: Heh, heh... Well, I'll just wait my turn then...


She sits down.


REGIS: Well, Gadget, I assume you know the rules by now... Are you ready to play?


GADGET: As ready as I'll ever be...


REGIS: Great! Then Let's play!


[DO do Do DO do do doooooooo.........]


For $100: "A penny saved is a penny ____? A) lost, B) earned, C) spent, D) shiny?


GADGET: Hmmm... Well, if a penny is saved, then it is most likely not lost. However...


The Rangers sigh in their friends & relatives seat. Dale slides down in the seat he's sharing with Larry & motions for him to sit & not stand on the chair.


... technically, it is lost from the economy until it is used in circulation once again. And just because a penny is saved doesn't necessarily mean that it's earned. If the Rangers save a hundred dollar bill from being taken by Fat Cat or something, we have to give it back to its rightful owner, we didn't "earn" it.


MONTY: She's analyzing the bloomin' $100 question...


GADGET: ... Saved & spent are usually opposites in relation to money. However if it is referring to the penny having "spent" its time in the savings account or piggy bank, then that's possible...


Larry takes Dale's advice & sits down.


... And a penny can be saved in a display case in which it would most likely be shiny...


CHIP: GADGET! He's referring to the saying... the... catch phrase.


GADGET (still thrown off by his interruption): ... right...


CHIP: Therefore... the saying goes, "a penny saved is a penny...."?


GADGET: ... earned... Oh! Earned! That's the answer!


REGIS: That's right!


Audience applauds.


[DO do Do DO do do doooooooo.........]


REGIS: For $1000: The bubbles in soda are due to... A) Carbon Dioxide, B) Oxygen, C) Potassium, D) Zinc?


GADGET: Carbon Dioxide.


REGIS: Is that your final answer?


GADGET: Final? Well, they may change the process years from now, or there may be other places that do things differently. At the moment, there is no way of looking into the future to see all the possible answers I may give for this question. I have no way of predicting that & therefore cannot honestly say. I mean, I could also be forced or tricked into someday giving an incorrect choice from one of those choices, though I hope not. I mean, the very nature of this question...


REGIS: Is there any other answer, that you would give for <i>this</i> game, <I>right now</I>? In other words, would you like more time, or is that the answer you'd like to submit?


GADGET: Well, right here, right now, in this universe... That's my answer...


REGIS: Then she's right!!


Applause from the audience


[DO do Do DO do do doooooooo.........]


The lights grow dim. All spotlights are on them.


REGIS: Well, here we are. The $10,000 level. So, Gadget, what is your charity?


DALE (off screen): Us!


Audience laughs.


Why not?


CHIP: You see, as Rescue Rangers we could help the world more if we had a few funds to expand our services.


ZIPPER: Buzz... Buzz, buzz, bu, buzzzzz [** Plus, it could help keep Monty's cheese habit under control... **]


GADGET: Is that alright? We could give it to the local police department or something...


REGIS: No that's fine. It's a worthy cause. Now on to the next question. No help from the audience. This is where Mickey lost, but I'm sure you'll do better... Here we go! What was the first computer animated video series? A) VeggieTales, B) Buzz Lightyear of Star Command, C) Reboot, D) Tiny Toon Adventures ?


Babs shakes her head. Dale looks over at Larry whose eyes grow wide as he nods his head (as best as a cucumber with no neck can do).


GADGET: Let's see... Buzz Lightyear's show was actually traditionally animated and on TV, Reboot was computer animated but on TV, Tiny Toons had the first direct to video release...


GOOFY (to Babs): It's your fault for all those lame movie sequels?!?


BABS: I apologize to everyone & everything... We knew not what we did...


GADGET: I choose VeggieTales.


REGIS: Is that your final... you said you choose it... and... You're right!!!


Audience goes nuts with all the cheers & applause. Rangers dance. Larry hops up & down, accidentally landing on Dale's foot.




LARRY: Sorry.


REGIS: This is it! Only one more question. She... could... go... all... the... way...!!! And you still have all your lifelines! Here's the one million dollar question!!! Oh, this looks easy. What is the type of makeup that is used on eyelashes? A) Eye liner, B) Blush, C) Pancake, D) Mascara ?


Gadget's eyes go wide, The Rangers fall silent & still.


GADGET: Golly... wow... uh...


REGIS: Come on, you know this!


GADGET: Could I, um, use the 50/50 option?


REGIS: Sure! Why not? Computer, please take away two wrong answers, leaving two correct answers.


[do DO!]


Only A & D are left. Gadget still looks worried.


GADGET: I really do not know this....


REGIS: You can still phone a friend!


GADGET: Right. I'll call... Tammy!


REGIS: Very well, we'll call Tammy to help you out.


[phone rings two times then gets picked up.]


BINK: Hello?


REGIS: Hi, this is Regis Philbin. Is this Tammy?


BINK: No...


[hear Tammy in the Background]


TAMMY: Bink! Get off the phone! Gadget may call!


BINK: She's so smart, she won't need your help.


TAMMY: She might just call to be nice like that one guy called his dad even though he knew the answer...!


BINK: It's not her anyway. It's some guy named Regis.


Tammy gasps. Hear a struggle as Tammy wrestles Bink for the phone. Gadget smiles.


TAMMY: Gimme... the...! Hello? Hello! This is Tammy!


REGIS: Tammy! This is Regis Philbin from Who Wants to be a Millionaire!


Tammy squeals.


Gadget needs your help with a question. You only have 30 seconds. Go!


GADGET: Hi Tammy!


TAMMY: Hi Gadget!! Hi Chipper....!


Chip ducks under his fedora. Dale laughs & rolls right off the chair he's on.


GADGET: Thanks for your help!


TAMMY: So I'm actually on TV right now?! Bink! Go tell Mom! She'll wanna tape this!


GADGET: I think you can help me here... Are you ready?


TAMMY: Yeah! Well... I'm so nervous! Sure, I'm ok. Ask the question!


REGIS: 20 seconds....


GADGET: Here it is: What is the type of makeup that is used on eyelashes? A) Eye liner, D) Mascara ?


TAMMY: Was that eye brows, eye lids...?


GADGET: Eyelashes. A) Eye liner, & D) Mascara ?


TAMMY: Oh! Wow! I so know this! I'm on the show & I totally know the answer!! I actually know something Gadget doesn't know!


REGIS: 10 seconds....


GADGET: Tammy...


TAMMY: Yeah?!


GADGET: Could you tell me the answer, please?


TAMMY: Oh! Right!


BINK: I wanna say hi too!


TAMMY: Later! Let go... of... the... phone! Bink! MOM!!!!!


Bink keeps yelling into the phone trying to say hi.


REGIS: 5... 4...


GADGET: Tammy?!


TAMMY (yelling over Bink's comments): Gadget, the answer is.... !




REGIS: I'm sorry Gadget, you're out of time.




Audience Boos. Things get thrown at Regis.


REGIS: I'm sorry, that's the rules!


GADGET: I should have called Lahwhinie... Can I call her since I didn't the other one didn't work out?


REGIS: I'm sorry, no. Now, you could try for the million, you have a 50/50 chance at it. But you can also walk away with $10,000 before you give an answer. But if you miss, you go back down to $1000.


GADGET: Hmmm... 50/50's not a bad shot... But I don't know anything about makeup. $10,000 would help a lot of people... But a million would help a lot more! Eye liner has the word eye in it, but that seems too obvious & I'm not sure if you can line hair or not... This is the first time I haven't really known something since I was a kid...! It's a difference of $990,000! That can help a LOT of people!!


[20 minutes of endless debate pass...]


...I really, don't know... But with my mind bashingly high IQ I should be able to make a well educated guess. But then it is just a guess. If I guess wrong I loose $9000!! That can help a lot of people! But not as much as one million can help people. Would it be gambling to guess? If so, that would not make me that much better than some of the people in Fat Cat's casino! But then people who do the lottery are gambling, but also help local schools! I would be helping people but...


[10 more minutes pass...]


MONTY: Gadget, luv. Remember what I said about choosing one choice & sticking with it?


GADGET: But this is different from sightseeing while on stilts! This could effect a lot of people's lives!! But then I don't know the answer... *sigh* I guess I'll take the $10,000 and not risk it...


REGIS: Gadget, I remember our earlier debate, but I need to know. Is this your FINAL answer?


GADGET: Can I discuss it with the other Rangers since it effects them too?


REGIS: Nope. Sorry. Final answer?


GADGET: I want to take a guess... but I don't trust myself. Especially when it's a topic I'm not sure of... *sigh* Yes, I'll take the $10,000. Final Answer.


Lights come back on.


REGIS: Well, congratulations, Gadget! You just won $10,000 for the Rescue Rangers!


Audience applauds & cheers.


Out of curiosity sake, what would you have chosen?


GADGET: Well, for me to re-weigh all of the options & reasons...


MONTY: Just pick one Gadget, it doesn't count!


GADGET: Uh, eye liner because it has the word eye in it!


REGIS: Well, you made a wise decision then because it was Mascara. Congratulations!!


She leaves the chair with a regular sized check (which is oversized for her) & leaves the stage. Once backstage you can hear tools at work as she disassembles Brain's device to see how it works.


REGIS: So close, yet she made a wise decision. Now we only have 10 contestants left! On to our next Fastest Finger Question!


-------(end pt. 2)--------------------------------


REGIS: Put the following books of the Old Testament Bible in order from the beginning of the book to the end.


[do Do DO! dum dee dee dum dee dee .....]


A) Jeremiah, B) Genesis, C) 1 Chronicles, D) Isaiah


[dum dee dee dum dee dee dum....]


Dale has trouble keeping up with Larry's answers & gets tired from doing pushups on the buttons. Most of the characters either have no clue or it's been too long so they just start pushing buttons.


[do Do DO!]


Time's up! Let's see the correct order: Genesis, 1 Chronicles, Isaiah, & Jeremiah. Let's see who got the right answer in the fastest time...


The board shows Bugs, Bonkers & Goofy as getting it wrong. The order bottom up is Daffy, Babs, Roger, Darkwing, Yakko, Larry & ... Squirtle! Squirtle sees his name on the top of the list & slides on his shell over to the chair.


DALE: Sorry, Larry, I guess I went too slow. There's no way you should'a missed that....


LARRY: That's ok, you tried your best!


Squirtle climes up on the chair & sits down.


REGIS: Congratulations, Yakko. You weren't in second place this time. In fact you got lower!


YAKKO: I knew I'd loose a Bible question to the pickle...


LARRY: I'm a cucumber...


YAKKO: ...cucumber, but <i>Squirtle</i>?!?!? (muttering to himself) I lost to a anime wannabe, Kids' WB yet Miramax movie...


REGIS: Hey, hey, now, let's be nice. Well, Squirtle, you must be excited about winning! And you beat our resident Christian expert, Larry! How'd you do it?


SQUIRTLE: Squirt! Squirtle, squirtle, tle, squ. squirt Squirt! [** I told you! I don't speak English! I got tired of sitting there, not knowing what questions are being asked. I just pushed random buttons! **]


REGIS: Um... ok. Now who's that in the friends & relatives seat?


Meowth is in the seat sitting very comfortably.


MEOWTH: I'm here to make sure the runt doesn't win too much money for something that may stand in the way of Team Rocket!


SQUIRTLE: Squirt!!!!! Squirtle, sqirtle, tl, squirt, tle, ir, squirt SQUIRTLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


MEOWTH: You're lucky they don't know what you were saying, Squirtle. This show'd loose it's general rating! HA HA!


REGIS: ...uh... Here we go!


[DO do Do DO do do doooooooo.........]


For $100: What type of animal is famous for having a shell on its back? A) Turtle, B) Giraffe, C) Dog, D) Hippopotamus ?


Squirtle just stares at Regis.


REGIS: Did you hear the question? Are you thinking about it? What are you doing?!


Squirtle keeps staring at him.


REGIS: At least Gadget talked while we waited for her answer. You're just staring. That's not good for ratings! What's your answer?


Squirtle shakes his head.


SQUIRLTE: [** Look, I don't know what you're saying. I don't even know what the question you asked is. I'm not even sure how I ended up doing this show when I don't have a translator! **]


The other contestants look at each other wondering what to do. Meowth is really happy!


MEOWTH: This is the easiest gig I ever got! I don't even have to mess with him for him to mess up!


Squirtle glares at meowth angrily. Squirtle tries to figure out the question again but has no luck.


SQUIRLTE: [** I need a translator! **]


MEWOTH: Well, ya ain't gettin' one! HA HA HA HA!


REGIS: One what?


Mewoth puts his feet up on the seat in front of him.


MEoWTH: A translator! He doesn't even how what you're askin'!


SQUIRTLE: [** I want my charity to get some money, I'll just take a wild guess. B! I choose B! **]


MEWOTH: HA HA! You chose that? Talk about a stupid squirtle! You're so wrong!


SQUIRTLE: [** Like I would trust you...! **]


REGIS: Was that your answer?


SQUIRTLE: Squirtle! [** B! **]


REGIS (to stage manager): What do I do?


SQUIRTLE: Squirtle! Squirtle! [** B! B! **]


He hops over the monitors & points to the second option on Regis' screen.


REGIS: Oh! Is that your answer?


SQUIRLTE: [** I think you're getting it! I choose B **]


REGIS: That's <i>your</i> answer?


SQUIRTLE: [** B! Final! **]


MEOWTH: HA! Oh, you're so wrong!


LARRY: Well, you two understand each other. Why don't you be nice & translate it for him?


MEWOTH: "Nice", he says! Oh, this is the most I've laughed since Ash lost a battle!


MONTY: (rolling up his sleeves - ready to fight) If he weren't a feline...!


CHIP: I don't think that would do any good anyway, Monty. If we could get him to translate for Squirtle, we'd have no way of knowing if he translated it right or wrong.


BABS: Yakko! Can't you speak Japanese? Since he's from Japan, that might help!


YAKKO: I only learned that one joke for the one cartoon. [he tells the first part of the joke from "Chairman of the Bored" in Japanese] Then the other guy says, [he says the next part of the joke]. Then the punchline is, [he finishes the joke].


Meowth & Squirtle laughs at the joke.


SQUIRTLE: [** You speak Japanese! Translate the question, Please!! **]


YAKKO: Ahhhh... Sorry, I don't know anymore.


SQUIRTLE: [** You're not translating... Meowth, translate, please! **]


MEOWTH (getting teary eyed): You actually trust me to translate for you?


SQUIRTLE: [** Actually, I don't . Oh, well, it was worth a shot. I choose B! **]


Meowth laughs again. Squirtle points to the screen again. Regis points too.


REGIS: You choose B. Is that your final answer?


SQUIRTLE: [** B! B! B! **]


MEOWTH: That's the wrong answer! Ha Ha!


SQUIRTLE: [** How do I know you're not just saying that when I have the right answer? I choose B! **]


REGIS (to stage manager): Is that his final answer?


He points to B again.


REGIS: Is this answer here your final answer?


SQUIRLTE: [** B! B! B! **]


He nods his head yes. Regis can't argue with that.


REGIS: I'm sorry, that's the wrong answer.


Squirtle sees the lights turn back on & hears the music stopping & figures out what's going on. Meowth is rolling in laughter on his chair.


SQUIRTLE: [** I'll bet it was an easy question too... **]


MEOWTH: Yeah, I didn't know that a Giraffe had a shell like a turtle!


Squirtle yells things at Meowth that shouldn't be translated as he leaves his seat with an oversized check.


REGIS: Well, your charity of the Squirtle Squad Fire Department will get our standard $1000. Congratulations!


MEOWTH: What?! He still gets the dough? Well, in that case, prepare for trouble...!


Gadget runs on stage from backstage carrying a modified version of Brain's invention.


GADGET: I fixed it! Now Larry can use it too! See?


She swings it around and it hits Meowth. The blow sends him flying in the air, miraculously dodging the studio lights, breaking a hole in the ceiling of the studio & flying off into space.


MEOWTH: Ahhh! Team Rocket's blastin' off agaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnn!!!!!




The entire audience, contestants & even staff appload her.


GADGET: Golly! It shouldn't have done that! Anyway...


She climbs up on Larry's seat, with Pinky's help.


I've modified it so that it sh...


Dale gives Gadget a look.


... <i>Will</i> move the gloved hand by only using the wearer's brain waves.


PINKY: But Brain doesn't surf...


GADGET: He'll just think & it will move. Help me get it on him!


Dale & Pinky help Gadget attach the machine to Larry. Now there's a belt that goes around the device to attach it to him & a modified plunger that sits on his head to read his thoughts.


LARRY: Hey! It's just like my...er...Larry-Boy's Super Suction Ears!


DALE: I always wondered what Disney did with some of our old harpoon guns...


GADGET: There! That ought to do it!


The gloved hand's fingers wiggle & Larry smiles.


LARRY: Thanks a lot, Gadget! & thanks for your help too, Dale!


DALE: *puff* *puff* I'm just glad it works. I don't know if I could do anymore pushups on those buttons!


PINKY (to himself): I wonder what Brain'll think about this?


They climb down from the chair & return to their seats in the audience. Since Pinky didn't have a seat, they let him sit with them, though Chip is suspicious of him.


REGIS: Now for our next Fastest Finger Question!


---------(end pt. 3)----------------------


REGIS: Put these keys in order as they appear on the standardized keyboard from left to right:


[do Do DO! dum dee dee dum dee dee .....]


A) L, B) F, C) H, D) A


[dum dee dee dum dee dee dum....]


Yakko's really focused on going as fast as he can. Most of the remaining toons wiggle their fingers trying to remember where the keys land.


[do Do DO!]


Time's up! The correct answers are: D) A, B) F, C) H, A) L. Let's see who got it in the fastest time...


The board shows Goofy, Roger & Bugs as getting it wrong. From the bottom up it's Bonkers, Daffy, Larry, Babs, Yakko & ... Darkwing Duck! DW does a little gig in his ring of fire chair before he goes to the contestant chair.


DW: Yes! The clever crime-fighter catapults to the crest of the crop!


As he sits in the chair, Regis turns again to Yakko.


REGIS: Yakko! This is getting rediculous! What's happening?! Why aren't you fast enough?!


YAKKO: Ahhhhhhhh... It's the finger board...?


REGIS: Well, I know how you feel. I had a bad controller when I was on Jeopardy. (to stage hand) Can we get it looked at?!?


YAKKO: Actually, I'm sure Gadget could do a good job...!


Gadget starts to stand but Chip grabs her arm & sits her back down.


CHIP: No, Gadget.


DALE: Trust me, he doesn't need your help.


GADGET: Are you sure?


MONTY: Remember when he said, "hello nurse" to you before...


GADGET: Oh. (it dawns on her) OH!


Yakko shrugs.


YAKKO: Can't blame me for trying!


REGIS: Anyway... Here we have our fourth contestant here on the celebrity cartoon edition. This is (reads TelePrompTer) Dark...Wing... Duck. You have your adopted daughter, Gosalyn here in the relatives seat.


GOSALYN: Go dad!


REGIS: And you are playing for (looks again) S.H.U.S.H. Now can you explain this organization?


DW: Not too much. (leans in) It's classified! But it will help keep the world safe!


REGIS: Well, then, let's get those questions answered!


[DO do Do DO do do doooooooo.........]


Here's your first question for $100!. At night, you sleep on a ____? A) Desk, B) Bed, C) Lamp, D) Motorcycle?


Audience Laughs


DW: Don't laugh! That's where I usually spend my nights. If I sleep at night it's protecting you people while on my Ratcatcher! ...


BUGS: That may not be the best ad for your abilities, Doc...


GOSALYN: Way ta go, Dad! That'll strike fear in the hearts of evildoers!


DW: ... But most people sleep in a Bed, final.


REGIS: He said, "Final"... He's right!


[DO do Do DO do do doooooooo.........]


For $1000! Which one of these is not a fruit? A) Banana, B) Avocado, C) Tomato, D) Broccoli?


DW: By biological or culinary definition?


REGIS: I... don't...


DW: Biologists say that a fruit has seeds, but cooks tend to include some seed-bearing fruit as vegetables. (turns to Larry) Right?


LARRY: (*blushes*) Bob & I are "honorary" Veggies.


BONKERS: Wait... the stars of <i>Veggie</i>Tales...


BABS: ... aren't vegetables?!?


Audience comments as Larry wiggles in his seat.


YAKKO: Actually, that's pretty lucrative. If the stars are fruit, then technically there can be a Larry Jr, & a Bob Jr...


Larry blushes.


BABS: (whistles then teases) Larry! We didn't know...


Larry: (to himself - singing the original lyrics to "His Cheeseburger") 'Cause you're my drive-thru girl. My only drive-thru girl....


BUGS: But what about the baby carrots they have on that show? How'd they get there?


REGIS: This is out of control!! Darkwing, save us! What's the answer?


DW: I didn't mean to start that... It's tomato. Final.


REGIS: That's right!


[DO do Do DO do do doooooooo.........]


No more help! Will he go all the way? He just might!


Gosalyn starts selling Darkwing merchandise in the stands.


Here we go! Which of these is a musical with music by Frank Wildhorn? Is it, A) The Phantom of the Opera, B) Sunset Blvd., C) The Scarlet Pimpernel, D) The Scarlet Pumpernickel ?


DAFFY: "Pumpernickel"? That's great! My cartoon lives on!


DW: Ha! They sure do! You're so much better than that *shudder* other Disney duck!


Daffy shudders too.


I have all your cartoons! "Dripalong Daffy," "Duck Dodgers," uh.. that Dragnet parody..., & of course, "The Scarlet Pumpernickel!" That's my answer!


DAFFY: Uh...


REGIS: You can't help now, Daffy!


GOSALYN: Use a lifeline Dad!!


DW: I don't need help! I know it's Scarlet Pumpernickel! Final Answer!


GOSALYN: No dad!!


REGIS: Too late, I'm sorry. It was Scarlet Pimpernel.


GOSALYN: You didn't even use a lifeline! I bet Quiverwing Quack coulda done better!


DW: Don't give me that, young lady...!


DAFFY: What? Did you think that we got permission for the real name?!


DW: Well, I didn't know! I don't go to musicals!


REGIS: Well, here's your check for SHUSH. Congratulations!


DW: Well, at least Agent Grizlicoff couldn't do this!


He walks off with the oversized check as Regis goes back up to the front.


REGIS: Well, he tried. But no one seems to be able to get to the million dollars! I'm starting to loose hope in you guys! Especially Yakko!


YAKKO: You think I'm not trying?! Second every time has got to count for something!


REGIS: Well, anyway, here's our next fastest finger question!

-----------(end pt. 4)---------------

("the wait")






Silence fills the stage of "Who Wants to be a Millionaire." Regis is not on stage. Many toons are twiddling their fingers. Bugs is reading a newspaper, Larry is rehearsing his latest silly song, Darkwing is spending his winnings on new spy equipment from the SHUSH catalogue. When suddenly the silence is broken.




Everyone turns to see what just happened.


DALE: Where is she? We've been sitting here since January 23 & the author hasn't shown up at all to finish this thing!!!


CHIP: Author instead of writer? I'm impressed; that's a big word for you, Dale!


Dale starts to clobber Chip when Monty stops him.


MONTY: Now, now. Let's not let cabin fever set in!


Yakko spins circles on the swivel chair on his seat.


YAKKO: She's probably busy with school right now. Her Animaniacs fan fics took for-ever! Even during the summer!


He stops spinning.


YAKKO: It's just too bad that Wakko's eating half the set!


Yakko points to his brother who's half way through a chair & is surrounded by an empty section of the seating section. Yakko starts spinning again.


ROGER: I heard that Regis was doing a "Super Millionaire." Maybe that's why he's not back!


BABS: That was months ago! It must be that the writer's busy. *sigh* I'm starting to run out of impressions to pass the time. I never thought that could happen!!!


STAGE HAND: I don't care! I'm still on the clock! I'm gonna get a huge paycheck for this!


Bugs looks up from his paper.


BUGS: Doc, this is a fan fic. That means you're doing this for free. I use it as a tax ride off!


Stage hand throws down his headset. & storms off the stage.


STEGE HAND: Well, forget this!!


Gadget returns to her seat slightly damp so her overalls cling to her & drying her hair with a mini towel.


GADGET: Sorry, I'm late guys... I just finished taping the latest Gadget in Chains story...


Yakko stops spinning long enough to say...


YAKKO: Hellllloooooooooo Nurse!


... then starts spinning again.


Gadget sits down. She got used to those in the duration since Yakko had nothing else to do.


CHIP: Any news from the outside?


DALE: Is she gonna finish the story soon????????


ROGER: P-P-P-P-Please tell me there's good news!


GADGET: sorry, guys. But the story's been put on hold.


ALL: *gasp!!*


GADGET: I talked to her on the way back & school's really busy right now.


YAKKO: (still spinning) Told you!


LARRY: So we'll start up again in the summer?


GADGET: (hesitates) yes... well... maybe.


ALL: WHAT?!?!?


GADGET: She wants to finish the story! She even has some trivia questions from M&Ms packets ready to go. But time is the problem...


BONKERS: What's wrong with summer?


GADGET: Well, her original plan was to work at Disneyland & she would finish this in her off time. But know it looks like she has to take summer school classes because the classes she needs to graduate won't be offered again!


ALL: *grown*


DAFFY: So we'll be sitting here 'til July?!

GADGET: We'll see. She wants to finish it sooner, but ... you know.


Yakko stops spinning & stumbles with dizziness as he starts to leave the stage.


YAKKO: C'mon sibs! I'm not waiting around 3 months to tape again!


Everyone starts to leave the studio.




Dale cringes.


DALE: Did you have to yell that in my ear!


BONKERS: But what if she comes back?


everyone stops.


GADGET: She said she'd let us know!


BONKERS: Well, I'm not moving from this spot in case she comes back. I don't work very much!


YAKKO: Obviously!


Everyone leaves. Yakko starts to turn off the lights...


YAKKO: Are you sure?


BONKERS: (nods) Yep! I don't wanna miss out!


YAKKO: (shrugs) whatever, Freakazoid...



Yakko laughs, turns off the lights & shuts the door. Bonkers turns on his police flashlight & hums his theme to himself. HEAR a nob being turned & the sound like water that stopped flowing.


BONKERS: I wonder if they left the bathrooms working...


----------(end of pt. 5)-----------------

(contestant 5)


Bonkers stiffly sits in his contestants chair in the same position as he was left several months ago with an overly happy smile frozen on his face. He holds his flashlight which has long since lost its battery power & cobwebs stream from it to his body and the chair.


Loud theme music pours over the loud speakers and the lights flash on brightly. Bonkers is startled to death and jumps to the ceiling screaming at the top of his lungs. He lands at Regis' feet in a thud - stars spinning above his head.


REGIS: Welcome back to Who Wants to be a Millionaire: Celebrity Toon Edition!


Cheers and applause flow from the audience as they and the contestants sit down in their seats once again. Bonkers dizzily gets up and returns to his seat as well.


REGIS: Well, it's been a long time but we're finally back & ready to finish this show. We're very grateful to our contestants & audience for sticking around for so long. Now let's get this show going!! Here's our fastest finger question!


"Put the following Disney Afternoon cartoon shows in order from the earliest to the latest:


[do Do DO! dum dee dee dum dee dee .....]


A) The Lion King's Timon & Pumbaa, B) Chip 'n' Dale's Rescue Rangers, C) Quack Pack, D) Bonkers"


[dum dee dee dum dee dee dum....]


BONKERS: I know this one!!!


Bonkers quickly punches in his answers. Yakko is determined to win one and finishes quickly. Larry uses Brain's arm extender device that Gadget modified. All the others type fast as well. Dale jumps up and down from the seat that the Rangers share since Gadget was the first contestant.


DALE: We're a question! We're a question!


[do Do DO!]


REGIS: Time's up! Let's see the correct answers: B, D, A, C! Let's see who got the correct answer in the fastest time...


Roger, Daffy, & Goofy got the wrong answer. From slowest to fastest the board shows Bugs, Larry, Babs, Yakko &... Bonkers. Bonkers gets up & yells - a little too high pitched for being a guy - in excitement. All the others are mad. The audience boos & throws their drinks at him. Bonkers sits down in the contestants chair ready to go.


BONKERS: C'mon Regis! Let's go! Let's play!


REGIS: You heard him, let's play!


[DO do Do DO do do doooooooo.........]


Regis & Bonkers sits down as the audience is settled by the various stage hands.


REGIS: Goofy! What happened? I thought you were <i>on</i> the Disney Afternoon!


GOOFY: I was! But three of those were after Goof Troop.


REGIS: & Yakko! The break didn't do you any good! You still came in second just like every other fastest finger we had!


YAKKO: (furious) ... & to that un-funny, dufus-headed...!


The audience murmers in agreement.


REGIS: You don't seem to be making any friends here, Bonkers. What's wrong?


BONKERS: I don't know! No one has liked me since the day I started working!


ROGER: Don't know?! I was supposed to have the next Disney Afternoon show. You stole my show!


BONKERS: B-but I just got hired for a cartoon show. There was that Eisner / Katzenberg fight so you couldn't get clearance... I didn't know it was your... Well, I did... but that wasn't my fault...!


RESCUE RANGERS: You took our show off the air!!


BONKERS: But no matter who had the new show you would have been bumped! Darkwing bumped Gummy Bears, Goof Troop bumped DuckTales, I bumped you...


CHIP: You replaced your reference to us in a repeat of the episode by saying "Forrest Rangers" not "Rescue Rangers"! Darkwing let us stay for his repeats & even complimented our show!


BONKERS: I thought the line was funnier that way, so I re-recorded it.


GOOFY: The comedy of Disney Afternoon shows went down after your show!


BONKERS: That's subjective!


YAKKO: We competed for time-slots and ads. PLUS that comic in Disney Adventures about you being a BAD comic at lunch while wearing <b><i>my</b></i> pants!


BONKERS: That was to get back at Slappy for making fun of me so much! I couldn't dress up like her - she doesn't wear clothes! I had to do something, it was getting ridiculous! Besides you got me back for that in looking for "a funny episode of Bonkers" during that scavenger hunt - although you wouldn't have to look hard, my shows were quite funny!


YAKKO: Not! Your shows...!


He continues as everyone in the studio talks and yells at once disagreeing with Bonkers. Regis stands up and waves his arms slowly silencing the crowd.


REGIS: Now, now, wait a minute! Wait a minute, everyone! Are you telling me, Bonkers, that not one person in this studio likes you? Not one!


BONKERS: I'm innocent! (he holds up a picture frame) I've been framed! (he spins around & sits on a toy train in a conductor's outfit) I've been railroaded!


He spins back to his cop uniform and pauses for laughs, which don't come.


REGIS: I don't know... If you can't find one person here you likes you, it probably is your fault! They all hate you!


Bonkers looks around the studio in desperation. His eyes land on Mickey who's sitting in the audience next to Minnie after being the first contestant, and points to him.


BONKERS: Mickey! Mickey will like me! He has to! He's not allowed to hate anyone - especially fellow employees!


All eyes turn to Mickey who gulps. Minnie clamily smiles at him, leaning on her hand, glad that she doesn't have to answer the question.


REGIS: Well, Mickey? How do you feel about Bonkers?


Minnie's grin gets bigger. Mickey notices this and frowns at her then shifts in his chair trying to find a correct answer.


MICKEY: Um... Let's just say that he's far from my favorite cast member...


Audience oohs at the almost insult.


YAKKO: Chicken.


BONKERS: What? (clutches his chest) <i>Et</i> too Mickey? Why?


MICKEY: (sarcastic) Gosh, I don't know! Maybe it's because when Donald had a cameo on your show he had lots of camera time, several lines to read, and was a major turning point in the plot! When I was on, I was stuffed in a box that was only about (holds hands out hands to illustrate) this big - with no air holes! - and was never actually shown on screen! You could have just filmed a box and had me do a voice over, but no! I was stuffed in the box!


BONKERS: You were supposed to get out in the end, but I convinced the writers that it would be funnier if you were never shown on camera after all that lead up!


Dead silence. Crickets chirp after a bit.


Hee hee. Isn't that funny?


LARRY: (in total shock) You almost killed Mickey Mouse?!?!??


BONKERS: Killed? No, no!


LARRY: Even some vegetable refrigerator bags have air holes!!!


BUGS: (to Mickey) & no camera time after all that? You deserve an award, Doc!


BONKERS: But, But, But, But...!


YAKKO: Now he's trying a motor boat impersonation...


BONKERS: But, But, But, But...!


BABS: (points accordingly) No, that's your butt & those are your ears!


Audience laughs and points at Bonkers.


REGIS: Let's just get this game over with as soon as possible! Here's your first question!


[DO do Do DO do do doooooooo.........]


TV stands for: A) Television, B) Tele- visor, C) Tomorrow's Vision, D) Tubular Victor?


BONKERS: That's easy! A!


Yakko laughs.


BONKERS: What now...?


YAKKO: It's B.


BONKERS: No it isn't!


YAKKO: Yeah it is...




YAKKO: Yes, it is...


BABS: It is....


BONKERS: I don't think so....


ROGER: It's B!


BONKERS: I'm pretty sure...




Gadget gasps!




YAKKO: Go ahead! Choose the wrong answer! That'll just make us happier! Go ahead & choose A!


BONKERS: Um.. now I'm not so sure... I thought A but...


REGIS: Now Bonkers, remember. While we allow for the celebrities to help you in the earlier rounds it doesn't mean that they give you the right answer. Sometimes they're wrong - or messing with you.


YAKKO: I say the answer is B, you want A... You can pick C or D for all I care! You still get $1000 for your charity no matter what. Go ahead & choose A!


BONKERS: Oooh! You're reverse P-sy-co-log-ic-alizing me!


No laughs again.


I mis-pronounced the word... heh. Get it?


Yakko shrugs & smiles. Chip & Dale jump up & down in their seats.


CHIP & DALE: B! B! B! B!


Gadget stands up in her seat & yells at them to stop. When that doesn't work she grabs Chip's hat off his head and wracks both of them with it. That stops them.


GADGET: You are Rescue Rangers! You are supposed to help people, not lead them astray!


BONKERS: A-ha! I knew it! A, final answer!


REGIS: & he's right!


[DO do Do DO do do doooooooo.........]


Scattered, half-hearted applause from the audience. Bonkers takes a deep break and whistles it out as he slumps in his chair. Yakko snaps his fingers.


REGIS: You know, if there's one thing I've learned over the years, it's that the audience isn't always right and it's better to go with your first instinct. Well, here's your next question!


[DO do Do DO do do doooooooo.........]


"Bromhidrosis" is the scientific name for what? A) Bad Breath, B) Stinky Feet, C) Body Odor, D) Runny Nose?


BONKERS: 50/50 please?


REGIS: That unsure, huh? Computer: please take away two wrong answers leaving the correct answer and an incorrect answer please.


[do DO!]


That leaves A & B. What will it be?


[dee doo dee DUM DUM dee doo dee DUM DUM]




[dee doo dee DUM DUM dee doo dee DUM DUM]


BONKERS: I don't trust the audience, but I need help!


REGIS: There are only 2 lifelines for this version remember? You don't have poll the audience. But you do have phone a friend.


BONKERS: Yeah, but this isn't exactly Fall Apart Rabbit's area of expertise...


YAKKO: It's B!


BONKERS: Oh, no! I'm not falling for that again!


YAKKO: I'm tellin' ya, it's B.


BONKERS: That's what you said last time! So it's wrong!


GADGET: But it is...


Monty puts his hand over her mouth while Chip, Dale & Zipper smile.


MONTY: Now, Gadget, you don't want to cheat. Remember what happened with Mickey...


He removes his hand.


GADGET: I guess you're right...


REGIS: So Bonkers, what will it be?


BONKERS: Well, I didn't trust Yakko before, & I definitely don't now! So I'll say A final answer!


REGIS: I'm sorry, it was B!


The lights come back on. Bonkers glares at Yakko who smiles innocently and gains a halo - which sparks & goes out. He taps it , then it turns back on. Regis takes the oversized check and hands it to Bonkers.


Well, you don't get to move on, but here's your automatic $1000 for your charity of the LASD!


Bonkers stops before taking the check.


YAKKO: SD? You're not part of the sheriffs, you wear blue! You're LAPD, right?


BONKERS: That's what I wrote on the form...


REGIS: Sorry, I guess we couldn't read your handwriting. But you work in Hollywood and the Sheriffs work in West Hollywood, it's all good right?


BONKERS: I guess... All to fight crime...


Bonkers takes the check and walks away sadly. Regis walks back to his starting position.


REGIS: Too bad, but that's what happens when the author is a Rangerphile and has friends at her church who are Sheriffs. Well maybe our fellow contestants will be a little <I>nicer</i> (looks at Yakko) to our next contestant. Here we go!


-----------(end pt. 6)---------


REGIS: Here's our next Fastest Finger question:


"Put the following countries in order geographically on a globe from east to west starting in Asia:


[do Do DO! dum dee dee dum dee dee .....]


A) England, B) Madagascar, C) India, D) Canada


[dum dee dee dum dee dee dum....]


The remaining contestants (Bugs Bunny, Goofy, Daffy Duck, Babs Bunny, Roger Rabbit, Larry the Cucumber, & Yakko Warner) frantically press the buttons. Larry's tongue sticks out in frustration trying to picture a map, while Goofy's arms point to points on an invisible map.


[do Do DO!]


Time's up! Let's see who got the right answer in the fastest time....


Roger got the answer wrong. From the bottom up, the board reads "Goofy, Larry, Babs, Daffy, Yakko & (with 3/10 of a second between them) Bugs". Yakko hits his monitor in frustration. Bugs cooly gets up from his seat and approaches the contestant's chair.


[DO do Do DO do do doooooooo.........]


REGIS: Well, Bugs you won our fastest finger. Yakko! You still couldn't do it! You came close though.


Yakko sulks with crossed arms.


YAKKO: Apparently singing and pointing to all those countries during all those takes of "Yakko's World" and on the Animania tours weren't enough...!


BABS: Don't forget singing it for the CDs and Sing Along Videos.


YAKKO: You're not helping...


REGIS: So Bugs, how come you know the world so well?


BUGS: I've burrowed through most of it on vacations - intentionally or not.


REGIS: Well to make up to our viewing audience & studio audience after Bonkers was our most unpopular contestant...


The audience boos.


I've talked with the producers and we've decided to make it up to you by turing this into SUPER MILLIONAIRE!!!


Audience cheers! Bugs looks very pleased as are the other contestants. The former constants who are still in the audience (Mickey, Gadget, and Darkwing - Bonkers & Squirtle left) are not happy.


BUGS: So I can win more money?!


REGIS: If you earn it. Now, instead of the levels being $100, $1000, $10,000 & 1 million dollars, the levels will be $1000, $10,000, 1 million & 10 million dollars!!


Audience & contestants cheer until they are cut off by Darkwing.


DW: What?!!


MICKEY: That's not fair!


REGIS: It's perfectly fair. You both got the minimum $1000 that we'll give to your charity. We're still giving that.


DALE: But what about Gadget?!


All eyes turn to the Rangers in their shared seat.


CHIP: By the new standards - even with her not knowing the last answer - she would have won a million and not $10,000!


REGIS: But the questions are harder now! That's why they are worth more money.


MONTY: You think our little Gadget isn't capable?


REGIS: No! no. We're making it harder to increase the stakes and the ratings.


GOOFY: H-how much harder?


REGIS: Now, don't worry. Once you reach the $10,000 level, you gain an additional lifeline, "3 Wise Men" which actually includes a woman so we're just ripping the name off of the Bible.


CHIP: So you compensate for the harder questions by giving more help? That still isn't fair!


REGIS: It's perfectly fair! You'll see when we get there. Besides they only get one extra lifeline.


DW: I want a do-over! No fair! No fair!


GOSALYN: Real mature, Dad!


REGIS: You'll see, it's fine. Let's play!


[DO do Do DO do do doooooooo.........]


REGIS: Since you're the 6th contestant I assume you know how to play?


BUGS: Actually after all that, I'm a little lost.


REGIS: Okay, since this is the celebrity toon version of Super Millionaire, There are only 4 questions. The contestants can help with your answers until you get half-way through which is now the 1 million dollar level. You only get 2 lifelines: 50/50 [ping] & phone a friend [ping] - that is until you reach the 1 million dollar level. Then you also get the "3 Wise Men." [ping] And since this is the celebrity toon version all the proceeds go to charity. We'll give the charity a minimum of $1000 no matter how bad you might do. If you win more, they get more. Understand now?


BUGS: Eh, I'll try anything once.


REGIS: What's your charity?


BUGS: The Acme Looniversity Scholarship fund.


Babs & the other Tiny Toons that are in the audience cheer & applaud.


BABS: You guys have no idea how much money we've gone through in loans after all these years!


REGIS: That's right, you're not just an actor, but principal of that school! Lola is in the friends & relatives' seat, here's your first question!


"As the joke goes, "6 is afraid of 7, because 7 ____ 9? A) Hit, B) 5, C) Devoured, D) Ate" ?





REGIS: He's right!


[DO do Do DO do do doooooooo.........]


REGIS: Here we go for $10,000!


"What is the unit of measurement of diamonds? A) Karats, B) Ounces, C) Feet, D) Carrots"?


BUGS: A, final.


REGIS: He's right!


[DO do Do DO do do doooooooo.........]


DW: Hey, I thought they were supposed to be harder! Those were easy!


BUGS: I just make everything look easy.


REGIS: Things will get harder now! Bugs Bunny is going for 1 million dollars with all of his lifelines intact! Here we go!


[DO do Do DO do do doooooooo.........]


"Pencils with erasers were patented on what date? A) 2/5/1910, B) 7/4/1776, C) 12/30/1858, D) 3/30/1858" ?


Silence fils the studio. Darkwing stands up.


DW: Though I'm still not happy about him winning $10,000 on the second question, but with that question, I'm withdrawing my complaints.


He sits down. The contestants sweat, especially Goofy.


BUGS: Let's put those lifelines to use, shall we? It won't help right away, but go 50/50.


REGIS: Very well. Computer please take away 2 wrong answers leaving one incorrect and one right answer please.


[do DO!]


That leaves C & D. What now?


BUGS: Well, I got two wrong answers out of the way to help out my next lifeline. Let's try phone a... er... costar.


REGIS: Fine. Which costar are you calling?


BUGS: Wile E. Coyote. Let's hope is brag is as good as his smarts.


[ring ring]




WILE: Hello? This is Wile E. Coyote. Suuuuuper Genius! How may I help you?


REGIS: Well we hope you're a super genius. Bugs is here


WILE: Ah, yes. That delicious rabbit.


REGIS: well... He's asking for help. You've got 30 seconds, go!


BUGS: Wile: "Pencils with erasers were patented on C) 12/30/1858 or D) 3/30/1858"?


WILE: What happened to A & B?


BUGS: They've been eliminated.


WILE: By who? You? You'd better let me know what they are, you're most likely wrong.


BUGS: The show took 2 wrong answers away, just pick between the 2 I gave ya.


REGIS: 10 seconds.


BUGS: Already? Answer, Doc! C or D?


WILE: This is so simple, but only to a super genius like myself. So I can understand why you don't realize that the answer is...




WILE: That roadrunner! The trap won't go off if I don't set it!


[beep beep!]


WILE: I must get it! I must... i must...


Wile E's voice trails off in the distance as the phone receiver hits the ground.


REGIS: And time's up. I'm sorry Bugs.


Audience Aw-s.


REGIS: You still have the new 3 Wise Men lifeline.


BUGS: I don't have a choice! Go ahead.


REGIS: It's time to reveal our 3 wise men.


Camera shows 3 shadowed figures. The lights turn on as Regis describes them.


An expert in almost everything... Ludwig Von Drake!


Ludwig waves.


Our highest winner in this game so far... Gadget Hackwrench!


Gadget blushes. The Rangers look around their seat in shock.


DALE: No wonder she didn't complain with the rest of us!


CHIP: How...?


Zipper smacks his head with his hand and shakes his head.


REGIS: And finally... Elmer Fudd!


ELMER: Hewo! ha ha ha ha ha ha!


Silence fills the studio again. Finally Daffy stands up from his contestants chair.


DAFFY: What?!?! If he's a "wise man" than I'm Santa Clause!!


BUGS: What's the deal, Doc?


REGIS: Well, there were already 2 Disneys on the panel and he was the only Warner Brothers toon willing to do it who wasn't already involved in the show.


LARRY: FYI, there are other cartoon studios out there, Regis...


REGIS: Well, maybe for next time. Anyway, Wise Men ,,, & woman... you've heard the question, you know have only 20 seconds. Go!


LUDWIG: Well, I know it was in 1858!


GADGET: And on the 30th of the month!


ELMER: Well, not necessariwy...


Gadget & Ludwig roll their eyes at each other.


GADGET: So the debate is was it in December or March?


LUDWIG: December might make sense because the inventor might've been writing Christmas cards and made errors...


GADGET: That might have been when he invented it, but it takes a while to file a patent!


LUDWIG: Ho, ho! It does not take that long!


GADGET: Well, it does for a mouse when it takes a day just to climb up to the patent filing window! Besides, wouldn't the patent office be closed over the Christmas & New Year Holiday?


LUDWIG: It's not the 31st, it's the 30th! Offices are often open day before holidays and we don't know what country this was in either!


Lights go dim and the camera focuses back on Bugs & Regis.


REGIS: And time's up. What will it be, Bugs?


BUGS: Eh, I dunno. The duck seemed pretty confident, but the goil had some good points.... I've yet to trust a duck, but this isn't <i>that</i> duck...


DAFFY: You're despicable!


BUGS: Fine! As a favor to you, Daff, I'll side with the duck. OK?


DAFFY: Oh, don't do me any favors! I don't need your pitty!


REGIS: You can't help at this level anyway! So Bugs, you're choosing C. Is that your final answer?


BUGS: Sure. What do I have to loose?


REGIS: Unfortunately, you just lost $99,000. I'm sorry. You played a good game. But the Acme Looniversity Scholarship fund is $1000 richer! Congratulations!


The audience applauds as Bugs leaves the stage with an oversized check. Regis stands at center stage.


Well, our first contestant of the super millionaire only came way with the standard $1000 for his charity. Maybe our other remaining contestants will do better!


-----------------(end pt. 7)---------------------

REGIS: Here's our next fastest finger question:


"Put the following films in order from the oldest to the most recent:"


[do Do DO! dum dee dee dum dee dee .....]


"A) Grease, B) The Great Train Robbery, C) Casablanca, D) Spiderman 2"



[dum dee dee dum dee dee dum....]


The remaining contestants type as fast as they can.


[do Do DO!]


REGIS: Time's up! Let's see who got the correct answer in the shortest time...


The board reveals that none of them got the answer wrong. Roger as the slowest followed by Daffy, Larry, Goofy, Yakko & Babs. Babs screams & hops around in hysterics. The Tiny Toons cheer & Bugs politely applauds from the audience. The "ring of fire" contestants slump in the chairs in frustration as Babs literally hops into the hot seat.


REGIS: Congratulations Babs for making it into the hot seat. Now the rest of you...


The other contestants slump further in the chairs.


REGIS: I thought you were actors! Why couldn't you get this one? Yakko, you even live on a movie lot!


Yakko just simply shakes his head. Goofy looks at his hands & wiggles his fingers.


GOOFY: You know, I think it just might be these gloves we wear that are slowing us down.


ROGER: That makes sense!


GOOFY: I know mine are oversized & don't always work well...


ROGER: & she wasn't wearing any...


YAKKO: So I guess that just makes Daffy slow...


All eyes turn and look at Daffy - hovering above his seat - who was a second away from sitting on his hands to cover up the fact that we wasn't wearing any. Bugs laughs as Daffy pulls his hands out from under him & sits down normally.


DAFFY: Well feathers aren't exactly the best thing to grip a pencil with either, you know!


REGIS: Well, let's leave it at that. Babs.... Babs, is that short for Barbara or Barbie or...?


Babs scowls for a sec but then politely smiles and answers.


BABS: It's for Barbara. I'm not named after a doll...




BABS: Speaking of girls who get whistled at... Hey, Yakko, were's my comment?


YAKKO: Who? Wha?


BABS: You promised you would say something when I got my turn. Let's have it!


YAKKO: ... I promised...?


BABS: Well, I guess you didn't actually promise, but you did say that when it was my turn something would happen...


Yakko racks his memory trying to remember.


BABS: Aw, forget it, never mind.


REGIS: Yes, we need to get this show on the road. In the friend's & relatives seat we have.... a fight?


Babs turns around in her chair & sees the Tiny Toons fighting over who gets to sit in the seat.


PLUCKY: ... But I need to be on TV!


BUSTER: I'm the boyfriend! I sit here!


PLUCKY: But you're depriving hundreds of viewers from seeing my face!


HAMPTON: If you wanted to be on TV so badly, Plucky, why didn't you just sign up to be a contestant?


PLUCKY: Why don't you mind your own business!


Sweetie flies down & sits in the seat.


SWEETIE: As long as no one sits on itty-bitty me, I'd gladly share.


SHIRLY: Like, move outta the way!


FIFI: Oui! We are Babs' best friends, we deserve that seat! If anyone is to be doing the sharing it should be us!


In the commotion, Larry the Cucumber gets out of his seat & hops over to Yakko. He whispers something to Yakko, but Yakko can't make out what he's saying. He tries bending over towards Larry, who's on the floor.


REGIS: Wow, you seem to be popular among your friends, Babs!


BABS: I guess so.


REGIS: You realize that we can get seats for all of you near the front?


The Tiny Toons stop. Ushers soon direct them to other seats that are in the front row. Buster gets to sit in the actual friends & relatives seat. Finally understanding what Larry said, Yakko sits up & yells.


YAKKO: Oh! Helloooooooo Nurse!!


Babs doubles over in laughter at this but the rest of the studio is at a loss.


BABS: You're so sincere when you had to be reminded!


She laughs again.




Babs turns around in her chair & tries to talk through the laughter.


BABS: No, remember when Gadget was a contestant & all the guys whistled, & made a big deal out of it & he Hello-Nurse-ed her? I complained & asked, "Where's my wolf howls?!" & Yakko said that I wasn't up yet. So he was just... yeah.




Babs finally catches her breath & wipes away a tear.


BABS: Oh, that was great.


The tear nearly hits Larry who was on his way back to his seat. He has to hop backward to avoid being splattered.


BABS: Hey, thanks, little guy. Next time I'm gonna have a salad, I'll skip it in memory of you!


Larry has to think about that.


LARRY: Um... thanks?


He finishes hopping back to his seat.


REGIS: Well, then, are we finally ready to play?


BABS: I think so!


REGIS: Then Let's....!


He freezes with his finger pointed in the air as he looks over at Larry who's trying to hop up on his seat. But misses by inches every time.


LARRY: Don't... mind me... I... al-... *ooof!* ...-most got... Ouch!!


Roger gets out of his seat, walks past Babs' former seat & helps Larry back onto the seat. Larry smiles in thanks. Roger sits back down and Regis finally un-freezes and points to the camera as he speaks.


REGIS: Let's play!


[DO do Do DO do do doooooooo.........]


REGIS: "According to the nursery rhyme, Little Bunny Foo Foo..."


DAFFY: You know, sometimes I think this thing's rigged. A bunny just happens to get a bunny question!


REGIS: (ignoring Daffy) "... hopped through the forrest. Scooped up the field mice & ______ them on the head?


A) Hit, B) Bopped, C) Patted, D) Threw water on"?


Babs puts up her fingers in the little bunny foo foo ears position (making a number two sign while keeping the other fingers rounded for a head) & whistled through the tune of the song. She pauses at that part in the song.


BABS: Um... What if the version you learned has him kissing them on the head?


REGIS: That's not an option.


BABS: I know, that's why I'm asking...


REGIS: I told you Super Millionaire would be harder than regular Millionaire!


BABS: You said others can help during the first few questions so.... (big huge noisy gasp of air) HEEEELLLLPPP!!!




The audience laughs at them all saying the same thing at once.






------------------(end pt. 8)--------------------


SNL premiers on NBC 10/11/75

Deion Sanders was in Super Bowl & World Series

"Nike" means "Victory"


Seemed to me that drumming was the best way to get close to God.

- Lionel Hampton


I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.

- Elvis Presley


VHS tapes (video home system) introduced 1976 by developer JVC


What show has more Emmys than any other? Sesame Street.