Nuisance's Guide to Irritania

"We Aim to Irritate"

Welcome to Irritania!

Actually the proper welcome is "Scram!" but you came here to learn a thing or three, so we'll keep it polite on this end.

Okay, that picture up there's of the Irritanian castle, Castle Dumwell. Okay, geese aren't the best artists, but it actually looks like that in reality! The Irritanians insist on colors clashing, preferably ones that make your stomach squirm.

To get along good in Irritania, make sure that none of your clothes match. I once saw King Berthold order his knights to chase a salesman out of the kingdom because he wore a color-coordinated suit. Plus I think that Irritanians just don't like salesmen.

If an Irritanian insults you, don't get mad! It would be bad manners not to insult--everyone's expected to be brutally honest there, including if you don't like the food. Pretending everything is fine will get you a lot of glares, and they'll probably insist you leave. And whatever you do, don't say "please" or "thank you"! Do flatter King Berthold or any of the Irritanians, though--just admit that you are.

Irritanians enjoy all that's irritating, including bad music. You know those really bad singers they have at the start of the year on "American Idol"? They would be the ones the Irritanians would pick! Of course, being a goose, I have far greater taste in singers. Just don't tell the Irritanians that.

Oh, and manners--forget those, except for sucking up to the king or anybody else important there. Being irritating at the table's fine, as long as you don't cross the line and provoke real anger. You have to go a ways to do that, so in general you'll be okay. I'd refrain from throwing meatballs at the king or his family and claiming it was target practice.

Finally, remember that there's an art to being irritating. Push a person only as far as they can handle. Those who can irritate without getting beaten up are held in the highest esteem in Irritania. And keep in mind that being irritating outside of Irritania will very likely get you beat up ;-)