Best Use of a One-Shot Series Character:
::The room fills with applause as Sparky and Buzz come onto the stage. They wave at all their friends who cheer for the pair of scientific pioneers. Each is dressed in an odd tuxedo-style outfit, complete with pants. What makes the outfits odd is the lining of what appears to be rubber on the outsides of the suits. Those who are slow to understand are told by a simple reminder of Sparky's powers, as evidenced when they walk up to the podium. The built-in microphone emits a huge, high-pitched whine that forces everyone to cover their ears::
::Sparky reaches under the microphone and fiddles with the internal circuitry. After a few seconds, the feedback stops::
Sparky (sheepish): Sorry, folks.
Buzz: No matter how many times this happens, it always leaves the audience shocked. The entire assemblage groaned at the joke. A few discreetly-placed individuals silently threatened to throw things if the humor didn't improve.
Sparky: Welcome to the Forty-Third Annual Miss Blackfly contest!
::Buzz slaps him on the shoulder::
Buzz: No, no! We're here for the Golden Acorn Awards!
::The rat scratches his head fur::
Sparky: We are? I thought we were in
::The audience chuckles as Buzz slaps his palm on his forehead and slides it down his face. He takes over the presentation::
Buzz: We're here to present the award for 'Best Use of a One-Shot Series Character'. It's a tricky situation when a character appears in a significant role in the canon series in only a single episode. Every person has their own story, no matter how short a role they have. Everyone comes from somewhere and they're going somewhere.
Sparky: Like me and Buzz came here from M.I.T. and we're going to
::The guinea pig clenches his paws and strains to keep his voice civil::
Buzz: No, that was last year. It wasn't a beauty contest. It's a local tradition to start off mating season in order to attract male Blackflies. The winner was the female Blackfly who could carry the most amount of human blood in their bodies over an obstacle course spanning thirty human-sized yards without landing once.
::Absolute quiet fills the room. A few members of the audience blanche::.
::Sparky looks at Buzz::
::Buzz looked at Sparky::
Sparky: That's disgusting.
::The audience erupts with laughter. After a moment, Sparky takes the lead::
Sparky: One-shot series characters are not confined to animation, they're found in television shows since time began!
::The audience chuckles, keeping the mood light. The lab rat continues::
Sparky: Many one-shot characters have become popular enough for fans to write in requesting more screen time of the character. Sometimes, in rare cases, this character could be given their own television show.
::Buzz proudly tugs on his lapels::
Buzz: We would make great stars for our own show. Maybe something scientific, like an animal version of 'Mr. Wizard's World'. Of course, I would also be a co-writer.
Sparky (frowning): A 'co-writer'? Buzz, what makes you think you can co-write anything?
::The guinea pig feels a little motivated as he defends his claim::
Buzz: I can write! I was a dialogue consultant on several fanfictions starring the Rescue Rangers.
Sparky: Yeah, I remember your crowning glory in that scene where the two of us had to use our electrical powers to jump-start an exo-skeleton. He threw his hands up into the air and yelled, You had the chance to boldly proclaim something heroic and all you could come up with was, 'Wonder-twin powers, activate!' I mean seriously, 'Wonder-twins', Buzz?
::The audience erupts into powerful laughter at the antics of the two laboratory animals. Buzz raised his hands up in a defensive gesture::
Buzz: Okay, okay! It was a weak moment! Forgive me, already!
::Sparky's face drains of all fury and becomes a mask of confusion::
Sparky: Forgive you for doing what?
::More laughter pours from the seats. Buzz feels his face flush with embarrassment as he takes control once again::
Buzz: The nominees for 'Best Use of a One-Shot Series Character' are...
Sparky in Tears for the Devil by Bubbles' Big Brother
Foxglove in Awakening
Tammy in Tears for the Devil by Bubbles' Big Brother
Geegaw Hackwrench in The Glass Jar Fighter by Stainless Steel Rat
Francis in Diamonds
in the Desert by
Captain Fin in Awakening
::Buzz turns to Sparky::
Buzz: Sparky, the envelope, please.
::Sparky scratched his head fur::
Sparky: What envelope?
::The audience could barely hold in their composure as they tried to laugh and stay in their seats at the same time. It wasn't easy::
Buzz (testy): The envelope with the winner's name in it!
Sparky: Oh, that one! It's in my pocket.
::He reaches into his jacket and pulls out the charred remains of the envelope and its contents, which he deposits into his partner's open hands::
::Buzz looks at the charred remains, nonplussed. Then Buzz looks at Sparky, who smiles obliviously::
Buzz (to Gadget, offstage): Next time put the insulation on the INSIDE of the suits!
::With that, the audience collapses into uncontrolled fits of laughter::
Buzz: Now how are we going to know who won?
Sparky: Oh, I memorized it before putting it into my jacket pocket. The nice chipmunk in the red and yellow shirt said it was S.O.P.
Buzz (suspicious): S.O.P.? Why would he say that?
Sparky: He said that it was confidential and had to be destroyed before enemy agents could get their paws on it. So, I read the letter and then zapped it and the envelope into ashes.
::Buzz scratches his head::
Buzz: Then why were the ashes in your jacket pocket?
Sparky (proud): Because I don't litter!
::As Buzz rubs his face with his open palms, the crowd laughs on::
Sparky: The winner is...Captain Fin in Awakening by
::A camera flickers to life. Three huge screens appear above the stage of the Walt Disney Theater. It reveals an exterior shot of the Wonder::
::Something moves in the water…a submarine! A very familiar submarine!::
::Spumoni and Zaptifun have already made their way to the stage and they look on with concern as the screens, fuzzy and indistinct, appear to show Fin’s sub making a ramming run on the cruise ship!::
::Spumoni sweats and prays::
Spu: Captain Fin has been largely ignored by the fandom over the last twenty years…
::Spumoni continues, standing and glancing over his shoulder at the approaching sub as shown on the screens::
Spu: This was a crime, as he presented such amazing opportunities to us as we wrote for him.
::Zap, a little shocked, watches as hatches open on the deck of the sub::
Zap: I want to thank Spu for bringing a bit of the character to life.
::Spumoni, beginning to run around in a little circle, addresses the audience whose own fear is obviously mounting::
Spu: And I want to thank Zap for placing Fin in such an amazing story, for giving me the opportunity to write for the character, and for being willing to put up with a lot of my stupid ideas.
::At once a streak of light exits the sub, and in the audience someone screams. The audience looks out the window to see::
::As Zap lifts the Golden Acorn high, more fireworks stream from the sub, which then closes up its hatches and slips beneath the Wonder and into the dark and deep::
and Zap wave to the crowd as they leave, then Sparky and Buzz start off::
Sparky: Wow, that was certainly impressive.
Buzz: Sure was. I had no idea that Captain Fin had fireworks like that.
Sparky: I meant that level of panic Spumoni got into. I haven’t seen that level of non-conditioned panic since my early days as a lab rat. I think it something to do with cattle prods and being forced to watch “Face the Nation”.
::Together, they walk off, Buzz shaking his head::