Best Motivational Poster
TS: I can’t believe it Ice.
Ice: What’s that TS?
TS: That we’re here, at the Golden Acorn Awards on the Disney Cruise Lines, and moreover that they let two relatively new guys present an award.
Ice: And what an award that is. We have the honor to present the award for Best Motivational Poster.
::A screen begins to descend behind them. TS turns around stares at it with a look of concentration on his face and holds his arms out toward it, wiggling his fingers as though he were magically coaxing the screen down::
Ice: You are such a nerd.
TS: What? I can’t have a little fun while we wait for this thing to catch up with us?
Ice: Well, we could’ve spent that time explaining about the category.
TS: But instead you decided to use it to question me?
Ice: Well, Dr. Indy trusted us to do this right
TS: Right, and I just wanted to make sure the audience wasn’t bored while we waited.
::TS and Ice both realize they have been standing in the middle of the stage discussing this and simultaneously turn to look at an audience staring back at them silently. Dr. Indy is off stage with his head in his hand. No one is quite sure if it is from frustration or trying to stifle laughter::
Ice: Moving right along then.
TS (whispering, but loud enough for the microphones to hear): Couldn’t let it go could you?
Ice (also whispering): What?
TS (whispering): Oh don’t worry, I’ll get my revenge.
Ice (whispering): What?
TS (whispering): Moving along
Ice: What? Ah yes, Best Motivational Poster. It takes skill to be recognized in this category.
The lights dim as Ice speaks. The screen behind them begins showing various pictures of Café patrons.
Ice: You see, the Café has so many friendly faces, and they all seem to lift people’s spirits through the comments they leave. Yes, there are many posts that brighten the day of those who read them, and it is truly…
::The speech catches TS’s attention and he turns around to see the images of the patrons cycling through. He stands there quietly, hoping Ice will realize the mistake, or turn it into a joke, but he keeps lavishing praise on those who make the Café a happier place. To stop this, and try to have at least one presentation go well, he pulls out his rubber chicken and whacks Ice::
Ice: What did you do that for?
TS: You were presenting the wrong award.
Ice: But you hit me with a chicken.
TS: Crunchy vengeance.
Ice: How is [i]that[/i] crunchy vengeance?
TS: It's not really… I just wanted to note Mr. Nowak's return. Come to think of it, I still need to read the rest of his works
Ice: Is that even related to this category in any way?
TS: Not more than your speech, but then again, how often do you get the chance to do something like this?
Ice: (rubbing cheek) Not often if we keep this up… Moving on...
TS: (pauses while looking at the chicken): I can put some chips in it if the last one wasn't crunchy enough...
Ice: (with increasing frustration) I said, moving on...
TS: Well, I mean it's just a good phrase after all… ‘crunchy vengeance’
Ice: (attempting to ignore) So the nominees are...
::TS begins stuffing the chicken with potato chips, seemingly completely oblivious to the fact that the presentation is continuing. Ice grabs the chicken and whacks TS across the face with it, the chips producing a nice crunching sound, and knocks TS from the podium::
Ice: (looking at the chicken) Wow. That [i]is[/i] pretty crunchy…
TS (getting up woozily from the floor): and it helps to illustrate our category.
Ice: What?
TS: You see, there is an art to these things… motivational posters… It’s more than just finding an interesting picture or screen shot…
::The screen behind them now shows a picture of Ice and TS after Ice whacked him with the rubber chicken. TS is in mid air as Ice is following through on his swing with an irritated, yet satisfied look on his face::
TS: … it’s more than about coming up with a good title…
::The word PATIENCE appears underneath the picture::
TS: … and it is more than just an amusing caption…
::The phrase Sometimes the word ‘Stop’ just doesn’t cut it. Appears at the bottom::
TS: The people who create these works are able to look at a scene in a completely different way. They are able to impart humor or an alternate view where it wouldn’t be otherwise. So with that, it is our pleasure to present the nominees for Best Motivational Poster
Murphy's Law #19 by
Wish Fulfillment by Mr. Spumoni
Insanity, by
Why Gadget is Neutral, by Mayhem
Crunchy Vengeance by Zaptifun
Headache by
Homina by
::TS removes an envelope from his jacket pocket and hands it to Ice. Ice opens the envelope::
TS: And the winner is…excuse me,
winners ARE Mayhem for Why Gadget is Neutral and
::Mayhem raises an eyebrow, then smiles ruefully with a shake of the head as he exits his seat and returns to the stage, this time to receive an award rather than present one. By the time he gets there rapturous laughter has begun to sweep across the assembled throng. Confused, he turns around to look and sees that the poster in question is being projected as a massive image behind him::
Mayhem: I did that one for a complete laugh by the way. In a manner of speaking I wasn't expecting it to generate them also. The Gadget toys were all to hand and...well inspiration can strike you and you just go with the flow.
::He picks up the award and mock throws it in the air just to see if anyone reacts::
Mayhem: It's funny how these things turn out and you experience deja vu. Last year I missed out somewhere and got in on the ground floor with Best Song Parody. This time I miss out on that when the going was highly favourable and this one comes and gooses me from behind instead. I much prefer no alarms and no surprises. Sometimes they are nice though.
::He turns about to look at the projection again, pausing for a few moments before facing front::
Mayhem: Yours to recreate for the bargain price of... still, Alain knows what I'm like, not that I tend to publicise that part of me now. One thing you do all know about me is that neutrality. It was finally time to get inside Gadget's mind and answer that one question that constantly gets debated, argued, pulled from pillar to post and almost caused a third fandom riot.
::Small sections of the audience gasp in expectation::
Mayhem: Yes, you guessed right. Why does she enjoy the taste of machine oil?!
::Engulfing laughter echoes from far and wide meeting this one-liner. Gadget meanwhile turns a gentle shade of pink in embarrassment and for once is unable to speak::
Mayhem: You know I love ya Gadget, so don't worry, it's all in fun. That poster is about the closest I will ever get to probing THAT dilemma now! And with that, I guess I should exit before I stoke things further. Many thanks for all the voting on this, and maybe I'll have another run at it this year. Come on up, Zap.
::Zap pants slightly as he arrives
at the podium and pauses to catch his breath::
Zap: Goodness sakes...Spu and
::Some good-natured chuckles ripple across the crowd
as the squirrel examines the award::
Zap: Heh, you know, there were a few different
inspirations that came together while making that poster. First was Silver
Shadow who had that screenshot in his sig for a while, then the title was in
reference to John Nowak's Widget, and finally was the actual text which I got
from a movie. Can anyone guess what that was? No? Well, the full quote is
'Revenge is a dish that is best served cold...it is very cold in space...'
Voice Out of Nowhere: KHAAANNN!
::Startled, everyone looks around to find the origin
of the cry and see a lone man in a Federation uniform standing in the balcony.
He reacts with exaggerated motions and flips open a tricorder::
Kirk: Oh my...gosh! I...am in...the wrong place,
I...must...get back...to...my ship...! Scotty, beam me...up!
::An orange, sparkling light envelopes Kirk as he is
transported off the ship. Zap blinks a couple of times and turns back to the
audience::
Zap: I'm going to take that as my cue to wrap things up here. Thanks everyone
for the award!
::Zap waves to everyone as he walks back to his seat
amid the applause. Mayhem leaves the stage brandishing the award in the air as
he goes::