Best Original Website Section
::As Dr. Indy
leaves, the stage is left empty for a moment (one point three two seconds).
with a click, the speakers turn themselves on. Another click, and the plasma screen shows a
string of binary code, ones and zeroes, which slowly scrolls upwards through the speech.
The voice coming from the speakers sounds like a speech synthesizer.
Several audience members look around in
confusion when it begins; others smile and nod::
Voice: Originality is one thing that has nothing to do with the information presented and everything to do with how it is presented. To take one example, the arrangement of days into weeks is nothing impressive.
Indy (Offstage, whispering, just audible): You're supposed to be out there!
Voice: Similarly, there is a lot of RRt presented on the Acorn Cafe board. However, the joining of these two apparently unrelated types of information resulted in the Rescue Ranger Calendar, one of last year's award winners. Unfortunately, my own attempt at linking apparently dissimilar information did not work out too well.
::The plasma screen lights up to show the scores for the last soccer world cup on one side, and the recipe for Walnut Walleroos on the other::
Indy (Offstage, whispering, just audible): I don't care if it's more efficient! People expect to see someone standing behind the podium! Besides, someone's got to open the envelope! And how did you find out who the winner was, anyhow?
Voice: Doubtless there is some other factor involved that I have failed to take into account.
::The robot squirrel walks onto the stage and heads for the podium. Its voice continues to issue from the speakers, uninterrupted::
Voice: Nonetheless, although I may be a poor judge of originality, I am told on good authority that all of these websites are original.
::The robot now stands behind the microphone, apparently doing an imitation of a statue. The plasma screen clears to show the list of nominations::
· Tanka and SVZ, CDRR mistakes and trivia
· Indy's Caption Contest Page
· Ray Jones' RR Calendar
· Framwinkle, Pistachio! Captions
· Pupspals, How to Rangerize Your Mac
· Lance Burns, Ranger Wiki's "The Fandom"
· Tanka, Universal Pairing Machine
Robot: I am hopeful that the analysis of these sites, together with the last year's award winners, will help me to quantify originality. Nonetheless, here are what the nominees look like.
::The plasma screen splits into seven sections, arranged in two rows (four on the top row, and three on the bottom), each section showing one of the nominated websites::
Robot: And the winner is...
Indy (offstage, a bit louder than previously but still whispering): You've got to open the envelope! It's a tradition!
Robot: Very well, then.
::A tripod scuttles onto the stage, carrying the envelope. On reaching the podium, it scuttles up the side and uses its cutting laser to slice open the envelope. No one has said anything about removing the paper, so it stays inside::
Robot: And the winner is...wait, this does not compute.
Indy (still offstage): What's the problem?!?
Robot: This has the names of two winners. There can only be one winner.
Indy: It's a tie, you big metal nutcracker!
Robot: Tie? I does not appear to be wearing apparel.
Indy: Oh, give it here!
::Indy marches out and snatches the paper from the bewildered robot::
Indy: It's a tie, folks. The winners are Tanka & SVZ for their CDRR Mistakes and Trivia, as well as me for my Caption Contest Page. Uh, since I'm already out here, thanks everyone! I enjoy doing the captions, and I'm glad y'all enjoy it too.
Robot: I do not enjoy it.
Indy: Oh, hush.
::On the plasma screen, the winning websites expand to cover the whole screen. SVZ and Tanka rise from their places and head to the stage. The nearest spectators to the passageway catch scraps of their conversation::
"...you talk...", "...no, you talk...", "...I'll bite you ...", "...we have an agreement..."
::Having risen to the stage, SVZ and Tanka come up to the microphone.There's a momentary hesitation while they try to pass the microphone to each other. At last Tanka wins, SVZ sighs and begins his speech::
SVZ: My respect to our dear colleagues. Our speech will not be long. First of all let me make apologies to our little friends the Rangers for Disney's negligent animators. More than one error per a minute... it's very much.
Tanka: And errors with the color of noses and faces are really inexcusable.
SVZ : Unfortunately, our lingering search took its toll - now we cannot calmly watch our favourite toon show! Our attention is always concentrated on looking for bloopers and it's often rather wearisome.
Luckily now the greater part of our work is done by enthusiasts. Our special gratitude goes to Yaroslav Lantsev and Chris Staub. This year's updates are mostly due to their efforts. But in spite of numerous animator errors in the series, the Rangers will always remain our favourites. Even the mistakes don't make the series worse but cuter. And our CDRR Mistakes and Trivia Page will continue to collect new bloopers and interesting moments. Visit it, we are always glad to see guests!
::SVZ looks at Tanka and finds out that she's dozed off during his long speech. When the applause is heard she shivers, open her eyes and seems very surprised to see herself on stage. Then she smiles, waves her hand, takes the award from the robot, clasps it to her bosom and happily hurries offstage::
SVZ (perplexed, following her with his eyes): Well... and thanks to everyone who voted for us.
::Then he bows and returns to his place too::
Robot: And thus we move on to the next award...