Best Comedy


::A puff of smoke billows forth on stage and forms a large, blue cloud of smoke. 

The smoke quickly clears to reveal a mouse-like humanoid with sandy blond hair, who

then steps forward to reach the podium.


Kuwani picks up a microphone that is on the podium::




::Kuwani shrugs and plays with the settings on the wireless microphone::


Kuwani: I know there are Writers here who'd rather make their audience laugh than cry.

Last year a lot of those Writers succeeded in making us laugh; some of them even choose to do so through their fan fiction…as opposed to doing so via the chat rooms.


::Kuwani waves her left hand. A Golden Acorn Award appears next to the podium in a puff of blue smoke::


Kuwani: Here in lovely St. Petersburg, Kat and I shall...uh, Kat?


::The Tari searches the room, pacing counter-clockwise on stage to do so. While Kuwani's back is turned to the audience, a certain cat-eared girl (who is wearing clean, white overalls over a nice blue, long-sleeved shirt) materializes behind the mage.

As Kuwani turns completely around, she finds herself nose to chin with Kat; she does a wild take and jumps backwards::


Kat: Ha!  Gotcha good, Kuwani!


::Kat takes the other microphone::


Kuwani (with arms crossed, semi-sarcastically): Ha, ha, Kat.


::Kuwani uncrosses her arms::


Kuwani: I hope you have something funnier than -that- for the Golden Acorn crowd.


Kat: Well, I could do the one about the lady in the restaurant, but Indy said I shouldn't do fart jokes tonight.


::The audience laughs as Indy sighs and shakes his head just offstage::


Kuwani: Hmm...I guess one about the stolen Viagra shipment isn't appropriate either, huh?


Kat: Yeah.  Heh. The Wrong P might be okay, but the nice people who agreed to translate the Golden Acorn Awards Ceremony wouldn't be very happy with me if I did it.


::Kat grins mischievously at the audience::


Kuwani: How about the one involving Dr. Crowler’s toilet odor?


Kat: Huh? *pauses* Oh!  You mean Dr. Crowler’s eau de toilet!  I doubt most of the audience even knows who Dr. Crowler -is- though.


::Kuwani strikes a Thinker pose::


Kuwani: How about Top 10 Ways You Can Tell That Dale Has Been Using Your Computer?


::Indy crosses his arms offstage, looking impatient. The girls don't notice::


Kat: That's a funny one...but what if Dale takes offense to it?


:: Kuwani sighs::


Kuwani: It's impossible to do a routine that doesn't offend -someone- these days.


Kat: Yeah, no kidding.


Kat (rolls her eyes): Some people are no fun at all.


Kuwani: Perhaps you should skip the comedy and just read off the list of nominees before this crowd gets restless.


Kat: Okay.  For Best Comedy we have:


           If You Give a Mouse a Screwdriver, BOC42

           How to Defend Yourself from an Attacker Armed With a Nut, Severe Weather


           Never Get an Inventor Cranky, or Why It's Important to Listen to Gadget, Indy

           Gadget's Hiccups, Greyhound Bus & Pupspals

           A Mary Sue/Gary Stu Story, CCC

           Too Huge to Be True, Midnight Man

           Rangers at the Price is Right, Kandei-Chan


Kat: And the winner is...


::A drum rolls as Kuwani pulls a red & blue envelope out of her hair.  She opens the colorful envelope, pulls out a piece of paper and reads it::


Kuwani: Severe Weather Eddie, for How to Defend Yourself from an Attacker Armed With a Nut!


::Hearing his name again, Eddie gets up to go up to the stage.  So does the Eddie from the future (the one wearing the uniform.)  They meet in the middle of the stage, and each looks confused::


Original Eddie:  Um, so, what do we do now?


Uniformed Eddie: I’m not sure…


Original Eddie: Do we both make a speech?


Uniformed Eddie: Well we could-


Original Eddie: -both make the same speech-


Uniformed Eddie: -and just trade off lines-


Original Eddie: -but that’d get weird-


Uniformed Eddie: -pretty fast…


::Realizing what just happened, the two Eddies look at each other with weirded-out expressions::


Uniformed Eddie: Okay, the finishing each other’s sentences thing was-


Original Eddie:  -really weird?


Uniformed Eddie: Yeah.


::Behind them, Kat clears her throat.  Both Eddies turn around to look at her::


Uniformed Eddie:  Okay, here’s an idea-how about you accept the award and I’ll make the speech, because I’ve had time to prepare for it.


Original Eddie:  Or we could settle it impartial-like.  Best out of three?


Uniformed Eddie:  Sure.  One…two…three! 


::Both Eddies start playing rock, paper, scissors.  Uniformed Eddie wins the first round, and Original Eddie wins the second::


Uniformed Eddie: Okay, one, two, three! Ha!  I win!


Original Eddie:  What do you mean, you win?  What is that?!


Uniformed Eddie:  Steamshovel!  I win, fair and square!


Original Eddie:  HEY!  Grr


::The Original Eddie rushes the uniformed Eddie and the two scuffle for a minute before the Original Eddie disappears in a familiar flash of white light.  Uniformed Eddie gets up and dusts himself off::


Eddie:  Sorry about that…sometimes it’s really hard to reason with yourself!  Besides, he had to go get cleaned up anyway so he could go back in time to where I came in…except that of course he’d be me, and…aw, never mind.


::Eddie walks up to Kat, takes the award, and shakes her hand.  Then he steps back up to the podium::


Eddie: Good evening, folks!  I’m glad to be up here again.  I’m honored that you voted my story Best Satire and Best Comedy.  I had fun writing it, and I hope that all of you had as much fun reading it.  Thanks again to the Monty Python crew for giving me the idea in the first place, and thanks to y’all for voting for it!


::With that, Eddie bows, waves, and returns to his seat, grinning the entire way down. Kat and Kuwani seem glad to get offstage, not at all sure about what just happened::