::Fat Cat struts on stage and takes position behind the podium, a pompous look on his face. He clears his throat unceremoniously and grins at the crowd::
Fat Cat: Before I begin with the nominees for this, hhm, hhm, “award”, I have a few prepared remarks. It’s a little present to my favorite animal: Me!
::The rotund feline’s words are greeted by the sounds of hundreds of spectators rising from the seats to head to the concession stands. Fat Cat pounds the podium with his paws, his yellow and green eyes filled with contempt::
Fat Cat: What is the meaning of this?! You’re perfectly willing to sit there and tolerate the buffoonery and antics of every other silly presenter, especially those two foolish nutmunchers. But you won’t allow me a few words of my own choosing?
Audience: That’s right!!
Fat Cat: Fine! Have it your way! (mutters to himself) Why do I bother to appear at this silly little ceremony year after year? (speaks into the microphone with a disdainful tone) This year’s nominees… for Best… All-Time Artwork are:
Of Mice and Mayhem, Fish
“Plots”
and “The Times of
Their Lives” Covers, Charles Williams
RR logo
mosaic, pupspals
Jeff's ranger
mosaic
Clarice
standing - Te'Targa
Clarice
sitting - Te'Targa
Older Bink – Toni
Gadget in the
Night, Mikhail
Gadget’s
Cosmos, Mikhail
Resurrection,
Mikhail
The Rangers of Oz, Fish
Fantasy
Rangers Group Shot, Toni
The Poem,
Bocks Car and Lotacats
Fat Cat: Now that’s a mouseful! Heh,
heh!
::The audience remains silence, except for a few mischievous crickets. Fat Cat glowers indignantly at the crowd::
Fat Cat: (sneers) If you want my expert opinion on this…
Audience: We don’t!!
::The kitty crime lord turns as purple as his waistcoat::
Fat Cat: Why you insolent, disrespectful little…
::His burgeoning tirade is cut short by an all too familiar sound of a plunger harpoon being loaded and then cocked from the dark recess of stage right. Without another word, Fat Cat quickly delves a paw into his pocket, pulls out an envelope, slices it open with his claw, and removes the card::
Fat Cat: (reads, with his brow soaked with sweat): Andthisyear’sswimmer, Imean,winnerforAllTimeBestArtworkis…Mice and Mayhem, by Fish!
::Accepting
for Mr. Fischer..some local
wallaby in an oversized tuxedo…apparently attempting to pass himself off as
Fish…let's see what he has to say::
Fish: Yeeah,
mate..uhh..thaynx
fehr thee'ward..it
looks deelishus right, then? Don't look for me after
the show behuynd the dumstah
owt back- cause I won't be theyre all tied up or nuthin…with
no wallet…or tux…
Uhh—I also want to make a formal apology to all the indigenous
and otherwise good populace of AustRAYlia for my
gratuitously horrendous phonetic depiction of Monterey Jack's melodious accent.
I also know that no wallaby's
would evah plot for three yeears
to exact any revengy-type plans or nuthin so don't go lookin.
Right then. Goo-niy't."
::Reluctant
confused applause follows while Fat Cat applauds enthusiastically::
Fat Cat: Bravo! Well done! Most deserving! I’ve been an admirer for a long time! Well, I should be leaving!
::With one more apprehensive look over his shoulder, he makes a surprisingly rapid departure for a feline of his girth stage left as the wallaby bounds off the stage with the award. In moments he’s tackled by several bouncers who turn the award over to Fish::
