Dr. Batorious: And now, to present the award for "Best Color Image (Flat)," here's everyone's favorite cheese-obsessed Australian explorer mouse, actually the ONLY cheese-obsessed Australian explorer mouse anybody knows. . .

::Cut to shot of smaller, slightly thinner sad-looking mouse in tuxedo in audience::

MOUSE (in voice that's a cross between an Australian accent and Droopy Dog): My life is a joke.

::He takes out a piece of Swiss and swallows it in one gulp, looking glum::

Dr. Batorious: Monterey Jack!

::The band plays "The Gambler," by Kenny Rogers and Don Schlitz, as Monty, dressed in his "Gouda Bell" tuxedo, strides up to the podium::

MONTEREY: Thanks fer comin' out tonight! I'm here to read the nominees for "Best Color Image (Flat)." That's an image, colored, but with none o' them fancy computer enhancements, but this year the category seems to have broadened a bit.

RATATOUILLE (from the audience): They would not know flat from jesso! They are bohemians!

MONTEREY: Anyway, the nominees are..


::Monterey reads as the names are read the pictures flash up on the screen::

Gadget, Playing in the Snow”, by NN
Rescue Rangers Wall Mural”, by Ray Jones
Dale's Dream Come True”, by Pupspals
Angel on My Table”, by Ruslan
Changes—When Did the Clothes Come On?”, by lotacats


MONTEREY:And the winner is. . .NN, for “Gadget, Playing in the Snow”!


::More applause as NN takes the stage. Monterey steps aside, but remains next to the podium.)

NN: Thank you all so much. It was a pleasure to make this drawing, and I am glad you enjoyed it!

::Even more applause. As NN takes his seat, Monty steps up to the podium again::

MONTEREY:A fine good job ya did there, boyo! In fact, that picture you made reminds me of the first time somebody drew a picture of me. It all happened many years ago, on a trip to the Bermuda Triangle. I had just caught a ride on an escaped seal from Sea World in Florida. We wuz havin' the time of our lives, with me ridin' the ol' sheila when suddenly she flips over, just like that, in the middle o' the sea! Well, naturally, I had to find out what was wrong, and as it turns out she'd caught her flippers in a piece of seaweed. Tied up tighter than a Christmas turkey, she was.


So there we were, stranded in the middle of the ocean, when luckily a sawfish came along. Not a very nice sawfish, either. But there was no other way to cut 'er free, so I asked the sawfish nicely to help us out. He was too busy for the likes o' us, though, so I had ta wrestle 'im! I gave 'im the ol' one-two! And a couple of threes! Soon that fish didn't know which way was up and he had no choice but to cut us free. Of course, right then, a huge storm hit us, right in the middle of the sea! I hung on for deah life, but the waves were rockin' us around more than a joey in a kangaroo's pouch.

Well, the next morning, the seal and I had found ourselves washed up on a deserted island. Turned out it was the fabled Bermuda Island of Triangles, and the natives didn't take too kindly to us at first. Nearly got myself impaled with spears the firs' few days. First I went hunting for food in the jungle when I heard a stick crack. Naturally, I had to investigate the sound, and I stumbled upon a mess o' mud huts and food! I figured it was abandoned, but that's when the villagers attacked! Of course, I wasn't scared! Monterey Jack don't know the meaning of the word! I grabbed all their spears outta the air and cracked them in half! Naturally, they was impressed, so they invited me to dinner. . .

::Cut to shot of clock on wall, fading to show that forty minutes passes by. Cut to audience, most either asleep and snoring, looking very bored, or playing jacks in the aisles. Monterey is still droning on. Cut to the wings. Chip looks very annoyed, while Dale is grabbing the curtain, snoring away. Zipper is curled up on his shoulder::

CHIP: I can't take much more of this! Zipper! Wake up!

::Zipper slowly opens his eyes, then snaps to attention and salutes Chip::

CHIP: Go get that cheese we've been storing in the fridge for emergencies like this!

::Zipper nods and flies off, returning with a hunk of Brie. As Chip holds the cheese in his hand, Zipper fans the smell out to the stage with his wings::

MONTEREY: . . .and soon that crocodile didn't know which way was up! So the tribe held yet another party in my honor, and even had built a statue of me out of. . .out. . .of. .

::He starts sniffing the air, then goes into full cheese attack mode::


::He dashes madly off the stage. The two people still awake and paying attention in the audience start clapping, eventually rousing most of the rest of them::

BINK(in aisle): Yay! I got a twosie!