::Theo Maplewood, Chip’s adopted son from “The Untold Ranger Tales”, walks out in his tuxedo, some lipstick on his cheek. Donna Chesnutt calls from the audience, and Theo answers back, “She just wished me luck, ma’am!” The audience smiles at the young chipmunk’s embarrassment as he takes the podium::
Theo: Well, unlike Bink I am an original character. However, I’m not in the running this year so instead I’m going to present the award for Best Original Male Character. Okay, let’s see who we’ve got here:
- Ferrante, "Of Mice and Mayhem"
- Darien, "The Return of Winifred"
- Jamba, "The Return of Winifred"
Theo (muttering): Fishfishfishfish…
::Dale holds up his makeshift fish sign in the audience::
Dale: Another win for the Fish! Go ahead and give it to him!
Theo: Hang on, Uncle Dale! I’ve gotta read it first!
::Theo opens the envelope, raising his eyebrows at the
results::
Theo: Well, whattaya know…Fish did win for Ferrante, and so did Jareth for Darien. It’s a tie!
::Ferrante jumps up::
Ferrante: Oh MAN, I can't- I can't believe it! Two in a ROW!!
::Ferrante runs up on stage, kissing his award::
Ferrante: From playing "third guy from right" in Guys and Dolls at the Stukeyville Dinner Theater to THIS!!
::The audience laughs at his antics, then Ferrante calms down::
Ferrante: Here's to subtle evil with conflicted loyalty! I mean, I suppose that's what made me stand out, right? Don't say it's because I was bald!! I’m MORE THAN just another shiny face!
Well- until the sequel comes out, I can be seen on BROADWAY in "The Producers!" HAHAHA!!!
::Then his voice gets quieter::
Ferrante: I'm "the third guy from the right." You can't miss me. I guess--I'm the bald one. Peace out!!
::Gadget comes and escorts him offstage--without HEAD HAIR!!! She and Ferrante rub the tops of their heads at the same time, smiling mischievously at the audience. Theo shrugs and rubs the top of his head for good measure, gesturing the next award winner to come up::
::<a href=“http://mpu.static.net:7664/Trigun/trigun%20-%20zero%20hour.mp3”>Zero Hour</a> (1:17 into it) plays and the audience applauds as Darien walks onstage to claim his award.::
::After receiving his award, he approaches the podium, standing on his hind legs to reach the mic.::
Darien (eerily calm tone): Thank you, everyone.
::Applause dies down.::
Darien: Well, what can I say; you voted for me, and here I am.
::Scattered applause::
Darien, nervously: Um…I’d like to thank—
(A similar sounding voice from the ceiling): What in God’s name are you doing?!
::Darien glances up at the ceiling. It is covered in bats (Foxglove’s friends?), two of which stick out greatly, due to their size. One is Jamba. Next to him, nursing her newborn baby girl, is his wife Chespi::
Darien (gruffly): What do you mean, “What am I doing”? I’m giving my awards speech!
Jamba: That’s just it; that’s ALL you’re doing. Show off, brag, do something!
Darien: Jareth told us that if we showed off too much, or looked too cool, it would detract from TROW and put too much focus on ourselves.
Jamba: This isn’t T-R-O-W anymore! The spotlight is on Y-O-U now. This is your one chance to show off; there’s no story to detract from anymore. Boast, grab attention, say catchy one-liners, go nuts!
::Darien thinks for a moment::
Darien: You’re right. I can do whatever I want…
::A smile spreads across his face. Suddenly, in a flash of white light, Darien’s form disappears, a silver, tiger-sized, seven tailed fox with glowing red eyes taking its place. Everyone in the audience who has yet to read the story gasps. The people who have laugh to themselves at the inside joke::
::His tails swish around behind him in a wave-like manner, shimmering in the light::
Darien: The eye of the demon draws ever nearer.
Jamba (confused): What?
Darien (looking up at him): It’s my catchy one-liner. Like it?
Jamba: I can see that. It just made no sense—
Darien (mockingly): I’m- I’m sorry, is this YOUR award?! No, seriously, if it is, by all means come down here and get it!
::Jamba silences himself::
Darien: That’s what I thought.
::The silver fox looks towards the audience::
Darien: Well, now that I’m aware of my lost limitations…First, I’ll need some more appropriate music.
::<a href=“http://www.heavenshadow.be/music/ost2-05.zip”> Sensui no Territory</a> begins playing, and continues to play throughout Darien’s speech::
Darien: Thank you…In the past few months, there have been several threads pertaining to how predatory animals like myself view our prey. Do we see them as other living things? Do we see them as merely food that happens to be able to run? Or, do we see them as both? While Jamba IS a fairly interesting person, I believe that I won over him because I, being a predator, deal with that question, albeit indirectly.
::Darien looks around the theater, as if trying to find someone in the crowd::
Darien: I’d like to take this time to thank Winifred, for taking me on as familiar.
Winifred’s voice (from somewhere in the theater): YES! More recognition!
Darien: I’d also like to give a special thanks to Jareth, my creator, without whom I would not exist…(looks around again) I’m not really sure where he is right now, but I’m sure that whatever the reason for his absence, it’s a good one.
<hr>
-::Somewhere, in a land one step removed from reality…::-
Jareth (to his goblins, still looking for his cane): Find it; or I’ll cast you all into the bog of eternal stench!
::Goblins scurry around frantically, looking in every possible place::
Goblin (suddenly pointing to a window): Sire, there, on the window!
::The frustrated Goblin King whirls around, only to see one of the random chickens that often wander about the labyrinth, perched on the window, the cane in its beak::
Jareth (slowly approaching the bird): Nice bird…Good bird…Stay…
::Suddenly, a goblin blows a spitball at the chicken. The hen clucks loudly and proceeds to jump out the window, flying away with the cane still in its beak (in this land, chickens fly J)::
Jareth: NO! You stupid— (Points angrily at the goblin) KILL HIM!
::With that, Jareth turns into a barn owl and flies after the chicken::
<hr>
::Back in reality, Darien reverts to his usual form and leaves the stage along with his award. Theo rubs his head again, this time in relief that he wasn’t eaten, and leaves to stage left::