::Walking out on the stage was a common looking man, wearing a tuxedo suit and, impossibly, a beat up bush hat which he immediately takes off when he reaches the podium. SomeGhol gathers his notes, smiles at the audience and begins::
SomeGhol: Hello friends! I am honored to present the award for Most Helpful Rangerphile. Of course, it is an honor to be considered for this award that shows the community’s gratitude and respect for these fine people. Now, there were no nominations for this award, but I think each of us should give a good round of applause for all of the helpful people who help make our little commune of crazies so much fun!
::The audience erupts into a spirited round of applause. After letting the audience settle down, SomeGhol continues::
SomeGhol: To truly understand what these folks do for us, we must first understand the community.
::He pushes a button on the lectern, which turns the screen behind him to a primitive village scene::
SomeGhol: To be part of any community, no matter how small or fringelike, is to accept responsibility for the general welfare of each other member of the group. Some take this responsibility to the next level, going out of their way to help a fellow Ranger fan by assisting with a project, by providing access to hard-to-come-by material, and especially by helping new members of the group feel accepted.
::He takes a laser pointer and attempts, unsuccessfully, to turn it on. SomeGhol mutters into the microphone::
SomeGhol: Dang thing…
::Suddenly, the pointer blazes to life, and at maximum intensity accidentally it blinds one of the lighting crew, who runs about the high scaffolding, crying “I’m blind, I’m blind!” before tripping over the railing and falling down into the audience, landing on Widget Hackwrench, who gives SomeGhol a look that says she is very, very displeased. SomeGhol, winces from hearing the man fall, and cringes from Widget’s stare::
::He decides that it is best to go on with the presentation, and make his escape later::
SomeGhol: The TickytackyMomacky tribe from the wilderness of Straw Plains, Tennessee, call this urge to assist one’s fellow man the “Dunahowtamindtheirownbusiness”, or “The Helping Way”. The tribesmen revere these proud, helpful people…
::He continues to speak, while pointing the, uh, pointer at the screen, which, unbeknownst to him, had changed from a primitive village scene, to an image of three men playing electric guitars while wearing spandex outfits and hair that looked tantalizingly like pink cotton candy:
SomeGhol: …and so do we.
::A few snickers are heard from the audience, causing SomeGhol to look up from his notes::
SomeGhol: What? Do I have something on my face?
:This draws a bit of laughter, which only puzzles the speaker more. Finally, Bink, who was sitting in the front row, points at the screen behind SomeGhol, while giggling at the absurd music video:
::SomeGhol looks behind him, eyes widening in shock before he looks angrily off stage, where Dale is watching the same video on a smaller TV::
SomeGhol: Dale! You plugged the cable feed into the stage monitor again!
::Dale grins sheepishly and tries to correct his mistake, plugging the wrong thing into the wrong place at the wrong time, sending an electrical jolt through his body and temporarily dimming the lights in the room. The big screen, mercifully, fell blank::
SomeGhol: Thank you Dale…
Dale (with a shaky voice, and fur smoking ever so slightly): No problem buddy!
::SomeGhol wearily moves on::
SomeGhol: I think I’ll cut it short so we can get the electricians up here…and make sure Dale hasn’t just fried his last brain cell. While many people in our community have exhibited the qualities of cheerful, unselfish helpfulness, friendly reception of newcomers, and offer great contributions to our community’s peaceful existence… there can be only one.
::SomeGhol takes the envelope from his jacket pocket, tears it open and reads the name on the slip of paper that it surrendered to his grasp. He looks at the audience and smiles widely::
SomeGhol: And the winner is Ray Jones, Mr. Rangerphile himself!
Dr. Batorious (announcing): And now to accept the award for "Most Helpful" for Ray Jones are Tammy and Chip…
::Chip appears, coming from behind the podium, and helps Tammy onstage from the floor below. She brushes him with her shoulder as she climbs up::
Tammy: Thank you, Chipper…
Chip: Um, yeah. You're welcome.
::They walk to the microphone::
Chip: Hello, everyone. We're really happy to see so many of you out there, and we appreciate each of you coming to the awards tonight. You all know Tammy, so I am going to turn the actual award presentation over to her.
Tammy: Let me also thank each and every one of you fans of "Chipper's Rescue Rangers" for joining us tonight.
::The audience laughs at the intentional mistake, and Dale especially, pointing and laughing at Chip’s blushing face until he nearly falls out of his seat::
Tammy: This award is very special to us since being helpful is really what we are all about. Of course, my Chipper normally solves serious crimes and rescues people and animals from terrible fates, but what Ray does is kinda important too. I mean, someone who's a Rangerphile would just be expected to be more than an armchair cheerleader, but we wouldn't want non-professionals going out and getting hurt attempting the heroics that my Chipper is so famous for.
::Chipper…er Chip senses the momentum slipping from him and hastily retakes the microphone::
Chip: What we mean to say is that Rangerdom is a community of friends and it's great to see all of you encouraging each other when you have problems, trying to help each other out with advice and ideas, and just being there to listen to each other when it's needed.
Tammy: Right! Now, I am not sure why Ray Jones was voted for this award when so many of you do so much, but I suppose somebody had to win. He appreciates your thinking of him, I know. Sure, he's a little flaky, but he's a very informal and approachable person, so anybody can email him or IM on Yahoo and chat about most anything.
::Tammy leans in toward the microphone, getting more personal::
Tammy: In fact, I would like to give him a little kiss right here and now, but I don't think Imelda would go for that at all, sooooo . Ray, this is really for you! Mmmmmmmmm!
::Tammy plants a big kiss on Chip's cheek::
Chip: Tammy! Stop that!
Tammy (pouting): We don't want Ray to think we're ungrateful!
Chip: Ray's the one who's grateful!
::Tammy’s mischievous look returns::
Tammy: Then this is for him! Mmmmmmmmm!
Chip: Tammy! Stop that now…EEEP! TAMMY!"
::Squirrel and Chipmunk exit, giggling and sputtering respectively. SomeGhol watches from the podium, not daring to move lest the squirrel should turn on him next. Only when she has chased Chip out of sight does he dare leave the stage—in the opposite direction::