Dr. Batorious (announcing): And now, to present the Best Author award, Julie Bihn!


::A brown-haired woman, wearing glasses, and wearing a garish yellow and purple jacket, with one glove, walks onstage, amid polite applause. The audience members in the front of the auditorium seem to think something's a little strange, but before they can really think much, the figure bows, then motions backstage. Four rodent dancers, all in sequined outfits, come onstage, dancing to Michael Jackson's "Black or White"::


::In the audience, a black-haired mouse in a blue jumpsuit folds her arms::


Melody: Someone's played a little too much "Dance Dance Revolution..."


::Dale discos on-stage::


Melody: Not you!


::Behind her the big screen displays BEST AUTHOR. Much to everyone's surprise (and a few wise people's horror), Julie starts singing, in a squeaky voice::


Julie: “The Christmas Story" and "The Last Big Stick-Up,"

"May Day Mayday" and "The Third Kind of Luck,"

If you want seasonal stories,

Or to read about an inventor's might,

If you're reading about Gadget

Then the author just might be Dave White...

Hee hee hee!


::The music suddenly changes to the adventurous tune from “Raiders of the Lost Ark”. Julie dons a fedora::


::Back in the audience, three of Julie's fanfic characters—Shadow, a gray mouse, Mittens, a gray cat, and Oatmeal, a cat whose color matches her name—discuss this development.


Shadow: Since when would Julie be caught wearing a hat like Chip's?


Mittens: She looks old.  And she doesn't wear glasses, does she?


Oatmeal: Plus she's learned to sing better than she used to.


::Some of the other audience members are covering their ears. Onstage, 'Julie' is brandishing a whip, in time with the Indiana Jones music::


Julie:  What would happen, if Dale weren't dumb?

Just ask Indy, and Chris Si-il-va!

Unique timelines, tales untold!

Angst and drama, crossovers, and searches for treasure, black gold

(treasure, black gold)...


::The music segues to a banjo::


Julie: Texas tea...


Julie:  Lemme tell y'to mind spoilers as I tell y' 'bout a mouse

Who looked a lot like Gadget and'd let wolves into her house.

As to where this lady came from (by the way, her name is Dee!)-

You'll have to read K. Sharbaugh's story if you want to see.


Julie: And now the Disney Medley!


::The music switches to a waltz from "Sleeping Beauty"::


Julie:  Posted 'fics on messageboards,

"Once Upon a Dream."

Where else can a Rangerphile

Find a 'fic of such quality?

Sleeping sicknesses are neat,

Three cheers for Loki-


::As the song gets higher-pitched, Julie's voice cracks, though she manages to hit the note, in a key that shatters glass::


Shadow (aside): So much for the theory that all girls can sing…


::The figure onstage continues into the Tiki Room song::


Julie:  Iiiiin Loneheart Loneheart Loneheart Loneheart Loneheart's mind,

In Loneheart Loneheart Loneheart Loneheart Loneheart's mind,

Gadget's ID's stolen

Lahwhinie’s not kind

In Loneheart Loneheart Loneheart Loneheart Loneheart's mind.


::Finally the tune shifts to one familiar to all Rangerphiles, though it was a rather off-key rendition::


Julie:  Sometimes some guys

Decide to have some fun.

Kinda sorta

Like Law and Otter

But not such a bad pun.


There's now rules of nature, rules of law,

It's all in Rennod's paws--


J-A-M spells the J.A.M.,

Read his tangents!

The-the-the-the J.A.M.,

He writes classics


About the things that would have been

Had an author used a different pen.


Sev-sev-sev-seven guys

Ranger writers

Sev-sev-sev-seven guys-


Muffled Voice From Backstage:  Let me go!


::A long-haired figure tied to a chair, wearing a modest dress and sensible shoes, works her way out from backstage. The audience quickly realizes that's the real Julie. A couple of the dancers run to untie her::


Karl: Then who was that?


::The figure onstage laughs::


Figure: Yes! It was I! Irweena Allen! I've won your hearts with my marvelous performance-


Dancer: Um, actually, your singing was really bad.


Irweena: What?! I finally abandon my grade-BEE music, I take voice training, and still, I've failed?


Julie: She did try her best...what do you say we give her a hand?


::The audience claps politely, and Irweena takes a bow—before she's hauled off the stage. Julie dusts herself off::


Julie: Well, I guess I'd better hurry up and read the winner, right?


::Julie picks up the envelope from the ground::


Julie: And the winner’s Indy and Chris Silva!


::Julie picks up the fedora and considers putting it on for a moment, but somehow good sense wins out. Indy and Chris Silva rise from their chairs to the crowd's standing applause and take the stage. Indy and Chris hold up their awards, the cameras’ flashbulbs go off everywhere, and after a few moments order is restored::


Chris:  Frankly, I'm stunned that we won this. When we first postulated a Dale/Gadget relationship we knew we were tap-dancing into a minefield and I wasn't sure we'd ever gain acceptance. But the community has embraced the stories and we're happy that they've been so well received


Indy: It's been a joy to write with this fellow. You don't know how many nights he and I have spent writing into the wee hours, exploring the world of the Rangers. Of course, it wasn't always a panacea. I remember a couple of times we got into knock-down drag-outs over which way a story should go.


Chris: The Chip/Lahwhinie vs. Chip/Foxglove debate being a good example. That's what brought about the creation of Noel Maplewood.


Indy: Yep, after a good two-hour mental roadblock. But those arguments forced each of us to improve as writers, and we've both gained from each other. He's the king of the nitpickers when it comes to plot and continuity and I'm the stickler for editing and narration. Together, we're two Rangerphiles on a mission to create fine stories.


Chris: I agree, conflict forces us to defend and justify our positions and in doing so we understand the characters and story better.


Indy: Which makes it even better when you, the audience, get the benefit of it. Thank you all very much for this high honor.


Chris: Yes, thank you for this very unexpected honor and we will try our best to bring you the best we are capable of.


::The crowd stands and applauds in appreciation as Indy and Chris hold up their awards and leave the stage, escorted by Julie::