::Stephen C., the Café’s Technical Uber-Person, walks up to the podium. Once there, he removes his shoe and begins repeatedly banging the podium with it.::
Stephen: SURRENDER IMMEDIATELY!!!! OR YOU WILL ALL KNOW ENDLESS TORMENT!!!!
::An unknown person races on stage and interrupts.::
Stephen: YOUR PAIN SHALL BE LEGENDAR—Oh, WHAT IS IT?!?!?
::The unknown person whispers something in Stephen's ear.::
Stephen: What do you mean? Of course this is the U.N., just look at all those blank stares! And see, there's Kofi Annan in the front row, and...
Stephen: Oh, that ISN'T Kofi Annan, is it? Yes, the terrible lighting did throw me off....
Stephen: You took me here FIRST? No, no, the U.N. "meeting" was supposed to be first.
Stephen: Well see? Someone else made the same mistake so don’t blame ME for it! Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Well, then. Once again, something that could have been BROUGHT TO MY ATTENTION YESTERDAY!!!
::Stephen pulls out a Palm Pilot from his shirt pocket.::
Stephen: Er, actually, you...you DID bring this to my attention yesterday. See, the meetings are switched in here...well, my bad, then.
::Stephen faces the audience again, smiles nervously, and speaks directly into the microphone::
Stephen: Let's try that again, shall we? Eh heh...heh heh...heh. Heh. Ahem...
::Stephen pulls a piece of paper from his shirt pocket and begins reading, nervously::
Stephen: Art...as a...medium...
::He pauses and stares at the sheet for a moment.::
Stephen: You know what? This speech is absolutely abysmal. I'm just going to wing it.
::He hands the paper to the still unknown person.::
Stephen: Here, go burn this. Ahem...I'm here to present the awards for Best....
::He is interrupted by more whispering.::
Stephen: YES, you may use the ROOM WITH THE BIG LASER, if that enthralls you so!
::The unknown person races off stage.::
Stephen: And the director-like person in front here is informing me that I have exactly 15 seconds to finish this segment. So, we'll go with the ultra-terse presentation....Category, Best Rendered Colored Image. Nominees...
Claire07.jpg, by Claire
Cyber3.jpg, by Morgan Kohl
Gadget on a Wintry Day, by Rebekah Henderson
Gadget's Go-Cart, by Shelley Pleger
RAFcv.jpg, by Morgan Kohl
Stephen: And the winner is Gadget’s Go-Cart! Hey, why didn’t I get one of those for Christmas!
::The orchestra plays the song “Hollywood” from “Cats Don’t Dance” and Danny comes back on stage to accept for Shelley Pleger. This time he’s too caught up into the music to head to the podium and starts doing a command performance. Stephen goes over and tries to stop him::
Stephen: Danny…uh, Danny?
Danny (singing): …look at me, I’m gonna be the cat to see…
::Stephen takes hold of Danny’s arm and quickly the human is whisked in a spin by the hoofer::
Danny (singing): HOL-LY-WOOD!
::Danny throws up his arms, knocking Stephen back toward the podium::
Danny (singing): ..where the street are pa-aved with gold! Where kitties never grow old…in HOL-LY-WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!
::Danny puts on a tremendous dancing finish, leaping and landing on top of the podium, to the standing applause of everyone::
Danny: Gee thanks, everyone! And Shelley thanks you too for this great award!
::Danny takes the award offstage, waving to the crowd, and one of the stagehands has to come and help drag an exhausted Stephen C. off to stage left::