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Chip and Dale
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This story follows the regular format of the Ranger episodes, and came from an idea session we had one night a few months back. So, here's what could happen if our favorite chipmunks were the ones that tormented that devilish duck...
It was a sunny late summer day at Ranger Headquarters. Crime had been slow, and today the Rangers were filling time as they pleased. For Chip and Dale, that meant fun and games. True, the two munks were older now, but they still enjoyed a bit of roughhousing and tomfoolery when they got the chance. The two of them had just finished a paper airplane race when Dale decided to up the stakes.
He slipped silently over to the park fountain and pulled out a bag of balloons from his shirt pocket. Taking one, he filled it with water and tied it off. Chip was looking for his friend, but he should've been looking harder because Dale came right up behind him.
“AM-BUSH!” Dale chunked the water balloon and scored a direct hit on Chip's back, drenching him. Chip instinctively turned and bonked Dale on the head. “Dale, you dummy! You soaked my hat and jacket! Give me those stupid balloons before you cause any more trouble!”
Chip snatched the bag away. “Go bother one of the others for a while.”
Dejected, Dale turned and began walking away, which proved in this case to be a tactical error. In another second Chip scored a direct hit on the back of his head. Dale wheeled, his surprise turning to mischievous ire. “Hey, you big fake!”
“Ha ha, hahaha! Gotcha!” Chip laughed tauntingly, pointing at his drenched friend.
Dale ran back over and grabbed the balloon bag, which the two munks began pulling on. It gave way, balloons flew everywhere, and each snatched up several to prepare for the battle royale. Chip and Dale returned to the battlefield, loaded for action.
“You're gonna be so wet this time, folks're gonna think you're a dwarf seal!” Dale threatened. Chip stared down his long-time friend. “This time you're gonna be the wet blanket, Dale! I have cunning and strategy and you don’t!”
“Aw, who needs them old Cunninghams' strategy! The Fonz was better'n all of them put together!” Dale retorted. “And I can take you out in water-ballooning any day. Speaking of which...BONZAI!”
The wet war was underway. Both munks ran, ducked, dodged, threw, and generally got wetter than a rice paddy. When a break came in the action, both went to reload on opposite sides of the fountain. As fate would have it, a workman had just gone on a coffee break from painting the nearby park bench and had left his paint can and tray unguarded. Dale looked around, then filled his balloon with the green paint then ran back to the field of battle and waited for Chip. “Chip, you're about to be green with envy!”
“Not as green as you!” Chip had done the same right after him, and ran into the fray as well. They’d have splatted each other too, except for a certain female mouse appearing between them. Gadget had just returned from an excursion to the junkyard and her hands were full of the spoils of her own personal battle to keep Ranger Headquarters up and running. As the munks skidded to a halt and hid the balloons behind them, Gadget spoke the words each munk had wanted to hear.
“Could you help me with this stuff?” Gadget asked, and instantly the munks were in a scramble to see who would get the honors. “I’d be happy to help you, Gadget!” Chip said. Dale proceeded to take some things off the top. “She was asking me, Chip. You go on the police station and see if anything’s going on there!”
“I’ve already been to the police station, and besides she wasn’t asking you. She was asking me!” Chip said, pulling on part of Gadget’s armload. Gadget had expected something like this. After all, the boys did like to see who would get her attention. One thing she hadn’t accounted for was the precarious way they were taking things out of her hands, for the load was beginning to tip…
“Uh, guys? Could we just get this stuff inside? There’s a seventy-one percent chance that in the next three seconds…”
“Wait, Gadget,” Chip said. “Dale’s holding things up.”
“I’m not holding things up, you are!” Dale shouted.
“But guys…” Gadget pleaded.
“Am not!”
“Are too!”
“Not!”
“Too!”
The munks were just about ready to go get some more water balloons, and Gadget was about ready to drop her load on their feet, when the painter returned. Only the painter wasn't a human, but an anthropomorphic duck with a bad speech impediment. Chip and Dale just stared at the duck in the painter's outfit and Gadget studied them with growing concern.
“Guys? Monty, what's wrong with them?” Gadget asked. Monty had just returned from raiding his local cheese traps, along with Zipper. Now he was eyeing the seemingly mesmerized munks. “I don't know, luv. I ain't never seen 'em like that before—well, except when they saw you in that evening dress you wore to the park charity benefit that time. Uh, fellas? You guys okay?”
Dale pointed at the duck, his face taking on a look of mischievous glee beyond his norm. “You see who I see?” Even stranger, Chip’s face showed it too, and his eyes sparkled with fun. “I thought he was gone...me think he come back for more!”
Now Gadget was worried. She'd never heard Chip talk like that before, and she grabbed his arm. “Chip, what're you doing? Who is that?” Chip took her hand off his arm, talking to her as if she was a secondary concern. “Just old friend. Nothing you gotta worry about.”
Chip and Dale began removing their clothes, and Gadget gasped in shock. “Guys! This is a public park and all, you know! Oh wait...I forgot, the clothes thing only applies to us girls. But why are you taking your clothes off anyhow? Hey, where're you going!”
The munks had long since stopped listening to Gadget. They had climbed a small tree next to the bench and were observing as the duck continued his painting job. It was difficult to say the least, but after listening for a while the painter's garbled speech was intelligible. His laugh came out more like a string of loud snickers than anything. “Now I'll finish this one, and the next time it rains they'll have to send for me again! Hehehehheheheheh!”
When the devious duck had finished his cackling with fiendish glee he saw that there were two sets of tiny paw prints running across the bench he had just finished painting. “WAK! Why those little—” Donald looked closer. Something looked familiar about those prints. He followed the line of paint on the ground and saw it headed up the tree next to him. When the line of sight neared the top he stopped, and his jaw dropped in abject horror.
“OH, NO!”
Just then he was hit on the bill with a tiny water balloon, followed by the high-pitched chatter of amused chipmunks. Donald’s blood began to boil. “SO! Ya come back, have you! I'll show 'em!”
Gadget, Monty and Zipper looked on as Donald prepared to fight the munks. “Monty, that Duck's going to fight Chip and Dale! Shouldn't we do something?” Gadget asked. Monty rubbed his chin. “I don't know if we should, luv. This has grudge match written all over it.” This Gadget didn't understand. “But he could hurt them!”
“I've seen this sorta thing before,” Monty said, his voice indicating he was dredging his memory. “They've got somethin' against this duck and the duck’s got somethin' against them. I think we should just sit back and only get involved if we need to.” Gadget still wasn't sure, but she knew that Monty would jump in if there was trouble. “Well, okay. I just hope they know what they're doing.”
Chip and Dale watched as Donald went to his toolbox and pulled out a hand saw, then headed for the tree they were in. Donald was soon being bombarded by walnuts. “You little pests!” Donald went into a temper tantrum and began shouting things so fast and furious that no one could understand him. He ran to the trunk of the tree and began sawing like a wild beast consumed with its task. Soon the tree had no support, but Donald in his haste hadn't watched to see how he was cutting and the tree headed right for him.
“Waa-aa-aa-aak!” Donald ran around in circles, panicked, and the tree fell on him and splatted him to the ground. Gadget gasped. “Golly, that looks painful! We should help that poor duck!” Before Gadget could move to help, the duck pulled himself out from under the fallen tree, seemingly unharmed by the incident. Monty raised an eyebrow, impressed. “That's a mighty resilient duck!”
Meanwhile, Chip and Dale had jumped safely aside. Dale laughed and then assumed the role of the dimwitted duck, running in circles and then falling in mimicking pantomime. Chip laughed along with him, and then they saw Donald again and ran.
“Oh no, you don't!” Donald grabbed a nearby manual lawn mower and began chasing the munks with it. Gadget wasn’t going to stand by and let this go unchallenged. “Okay, that's enough! Someone could get hurt! Monty, we have to help them!” Monty knew she was right, although it seemed a shame to break this up. “Seems like t’me if anyone's gonna bear the brunt of this it's the duck, but I suppose we should save 'im from the lads. Whattaya have in mind, lass?”
Chip motioned Dale toward the tree that housed Ranger Headquarters. In a blur they both headed for it and zipped up to the veranda. From their vantage, they taunted the angry duck below while Gadget led Monty and Zipper inside. The duck was not to be daunted so easily. He ran back to the park bench and returned with tree-climbing spikes tied to his feet. “Now I'll fix 'em!”
Dale went to a branch and began pelting Donald with acorns. Chip joined in a moment later, both of the munks chattering angrily. Donald dodged acorns and began climbing up, determined at last to have his revenge on his old nemeses. Unfortunately for the duck, he had Gadget to deal with. She tapped the munks on the shoulder and they turned to find her holding two rodent-sized pails of grease. They took them eagerly and drenched the side of the tree with the slippery stuff.
Donald reached the top and found Dale there, waving at him. “Now I gotcha!” Dale shook his head and pointed down. Donald looked, and Chip had come in under him on a side branch and had untied his spikes. Chip was also standing by with a ball-peen hammer borrowed from Gadget.
“No, no, no!” Donald shouted.
Chip make like he was going to strike and Donald let go of the veranda, blowing the munks a raspberry. However, he also started downward in very short order and with the aid of the grease hit the ground like a piledriver. Donald was about to try again when two human policemen caught his arms.
“Hey, don't you know you ain't supposed to climb the trees here?” Kirby said. Muldoon started dragging him by the collar. “And cutting them down's totally against the law! C'mon, you've got some explaining to do, duck.”
“But...but...” Donald started.
“Wait a minute!”
Donald breathed a sigh of relief when he saw his boss, the park manager, running up. He should've known better. “This cheapskate's been using substandard paint on all the benches! He's going to repaint every single one of them before he starts paying his debt to society!”
Muldoon smirked down at his prisoner. “I'm sure the judge'll go along with that.”
Donald struggled to get free. “NO! Nonono!”
The munks laughed and chittered in happiness as they watched the cops and the manager haul Donald away to begin his sentence. They ran over to Gadget, each taking a hand and danced around her like a maypole, turning her about. Gadget was totally confused. “Golly, I hope that duck doesn't get into too much trouble. Okay, now that that's done, are you guys going to explain why you've been cavorting around naked, acting crazy and talking really high-pitched?”
There was something about the way she asked it that reached the munks. They stopped their dancing and blinked. Chip started looking around. “What did you say, Gadget? Hey, who stole my clothes!”
“Your clothes! Who stole mine!” Dale demanded.
Gadget pointed to the feathered perpetrator. “You guys took your clothes off in the park when you started fighting with that duck in the painter’s outfit.”
“Duck?”
“Painter’s outfit?”
Chip eyed Gadget suspiciously. “Gadget, this isn't some way of getting back at us for not helping you at the junkyard, is it?” Monty put a hand on each of their shoulders. “She's not pullin' yer legs, mates. You guys were acting all crazy-like when that duck showed up. You obviously knew him and he certainly knew you two.”
Dale scratched his head. “I don't know any duck...least not one I remember. What about you, Chip?”
“Me neither. In fact, I don't remember anything after fighting over helping Gadget.”
“That's all I remember too,” Dale agreed. “Maybe she's right, Chip. But where'd we meet a duck at?” Gadget studied the matter herself, thinking out loud. “That was really strange. I've never seen you two act like that. It was almost like watching a strange cartoon.”
Chip had no idea what had happened, but despite his fur he found that he felt uncomfortable in Gadget's presence and blushed a little. “Come on, Dale. Let's go get our clothes back. Maybe it was just a fluke, and it won't happen again.” Dale was all too eager to follow for the same reason. “Uh, yeah, that's a good idea. But it sure is strange.”
The munks and the others went down and soon Chip and Dale were clad as usual. They went over to the felled tree and investigated some, but only found the duck's tool chest. They were about to give it up when a female duck in a nice dress came along and saw the tool chest
“Why, Donald said he'd be here all day! When I find out what he's doing, he'll wish he had been here!” The duck marched off testily, and Dale pointed at her. “Is that the duck you said you saw earlier?”
“No, the one we saw was a boy. Maybe she's his girlfriend,” Gadget said. Monty thought that Gadget was probably right. “She said his name was Donald. Ring a bell, mates?”
“Donald Trump,” Chip said.
“Ronald McDonald,” Dale added.
Zipper buzzed in Monty's ear. “Nah. Couldn't be him, lad. He's much taller.”
The Rangers headed back toward the park, the mystery unsolved. However, for two munks that was quickly forgotten in the face of a renewed battle. “Time in!” Dale shouted, and the munks were off. Gadget had been about to ask for their help again since the pile of junk still lay on the ground, but she shrugged when she saw them having fun and went to get it herself.
This time, fate was working overtime. Each munk had grabbed their paint balloon and had aimed for the other's shirt, and right then Gadget had the bad timing to return into view right in the path of the hurtling projectiles. With her hands full, she never saw it coming—
KER-SPUH-LAT!!!
Gadget was knocked down and covered from head to toe in green paint. The munks for their part had seen it coming but hadn't even had time to shout a warning. They were just locked in their places, frozen in near panic, as Gadget stood up and examined herself. She was dripping with paint and looked an awful mess
“Okay, who did that!” Gadget demanded.
“Dale did it!”
“Chip did it!”
They began pointing at each other.
“No it was him!” Chip said.
“Him!”
“Him!”
Chip and Dale rounded it off with a nice double pointer: “HIM!”
Gadget was a patient soul, and normally it wouldn't have bothered her. Getting ker-splatted with paint, however, wasn't in the realm of normal for her. She knew exactly how long it would take to get it out of her hair, fur and clothes, and the more she thought on it the more she decided that the munks were going to pay this time. She spotted the water balloons they'd abandoned when each had seen the paint.
“All right, smarties, let's see how you take it!” Gadget said as she ran over and scooped up an armful of the balloons. Chip and Dale traded curious looks—was this Gadget? She'd never cared that much about them playing before. But when they saw her coming with the liquid arsenal, they both reached the same conclusion
“I'm outta here!” Dale shouted.
Before Dale could even start fleeing, Gadget caught him with a water balloon. Chip was laughing when Gadget doused him with one. “You guys asked for it this time! If you thought Orange Gadget was a fighter, she's nothing compared to Green Gadget!”
The munks screamed and Gadget shouted, “E equals MC squared!” as a battle cry and ran after them. All during this, Monty and Zipper observed at the edge of the park. Zipper buzzed something into Monty’s ear as they watched a green-covered Gadget chase two terrified chipmunks back and forth across the lawn.
“Ya think so, mate?” Monty asked. “Guess our little Gadget's finally warming up to the boys!” Monty sighed in satisfaction at the thought. “Geegaw, I think you'd be proud to see yer lass right now. Ah, the wonders o' romance...”
Donald Duck, Daisy Duck, Kirby, Muldoon, Chip, Dale, Gadget, Monterey Jack, and Zipper are copyright Disney and used without permission, but with the utmost respect. Well, actually we might be stretching that point a little with Donald...