Best Portrait of a Ranger
::The curtain goes up, revealing a huge map of the
Titanic: We were asked to present the Best Portrait of a Ranger category of the Golden Acorn Awards.
Van Man: This award honors the artist who best captured the look, feel, style and essence of one of the Rangers in the past year. But nobody could capture your essence, Titanic.
Titanic: You’re so sweet to say that, Van.
::She kisses him on the cheek and now Van Man blushes amid a room full of amused laughter::
Van Man: Uh, yes. Thanks—thanks there. And the nominees are...
::As they speak, the nominees appear on the screen::
Just Dale” by
“Two Small Tammy Pics” by Toni
("I don't know what fear is; I never want to know") by
“Snow in July” by Oha
at the beach” by
in her workshop” by
Titanic: And the winner is....
(from the audience):
Titanic (confused): Thanks for the cheering section, Dale, but there’s now need for a rah-rah right now.
Titanic: Goodbye? But we haven’t announced the winner yet!
no—I meant I was Rying for rah, uh, rahing for
Titanic: Oh, Val-da-ree!* Everyone, sing along!
Val-da-ree, val-da-rah ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha
::The audience appears confused, Titanic appears amused and Van Man bemused. He takes out a Swiss Army Knife and slices the envelope open. A wide grin enters his face::
We have a winner! And Dale’s right, it’s
::The audience cheers, some
shouting approving words for Chip, others for
::Chip blushes now in his seat in the audience, and some chuckles and teasing go on::
::Van Man and Titanic applaud
Van Man: It must seem strange, having been a luxury ship and now you’re on one.
Titanic: Oh, it’s pretty comforting, actually. Like meeting an old friend. Come on, let’s go touring.
::Van Man and Titanic leave, stage left::
* - Lyrics from “The Happy Wanderer”, performed by Frank Weir (1954)