Best Comedy GAA 2009
::The curtain opens to a large spiral staircase that has magically appeared on stage. Two canines in full tuxedoes complete with tails and top hats regally make their way down the spiraling stairs. As they descend, classical music is heard bellowing from the orchestra pit. Finally the slow, regal procession ended with a simultaneous cutting motion from the pair of canines. The light music cut completely out on the two’s cue::
::TS walks casually towards the center of the stage removing his top hat and gloves. He pulls a paper from his jacket pocket and begins to read in a stuffy monotone::
TS: It is a decidedly uncommon occasion when one is presented with the opportunity to participate in such an auspicious occasion. To say that the job of a presenter is easy is to dismiss the valuable contributions of the entire staff which makes an event like this possible.
But we presenters do very little in the grand scheme of such an elaborate celebration of the artistic craft that is writing. It is not just any writing though, that we have the utmost privilege of reviewing tonight. For you see there are many elements of the literary craft into which gifted writers pour their hearts and souls, and through their efforts endeavor to create.
::Ice coughs in the background. TS ignores the interruption and continues::
TS: However, there is a particular aspect, one which eludes and toys with all who devote their time in pursuit of it, and it is in pursuit of this perfect combination of timing and circumstance that we assemble here for the presentation of the Best Comedy Award.
::He pauses for a moment waiting for Ice to begin his part::
Ice: Wait a minute… this whole thing has been for the Best Comedy award?! Oh come on… we can do better than that.
::Ice and TS look at the dense prose that is being projected on the teleprompter. TS gestures for them to cycle through as the two read it all silently. They look at each other and silently decide to scrap the carefully planned segment in favor of something a little… better::
TS: Tonight there are many different awards, many different people to celebrate and now we celebrate those heroes of humor, the lords of laughter, the veritable kings of comedy!
Ice: While not actual kings, the following nominees are professionals at making us all laugh and feel the power of comedy.
TS: Like none other, laughter really is the best medicine, and we intend to now convey our personal prescription to all of you.
Ice: Yes, how many lawyers does it take…
Ice: Oh right, sorry, how many economists…
TS: What’s the big idea picking on me?
Ice: Oh sorry again. Well you all probably know my jokes anyway, tis’ the punishment of any comedian, one’s jokes are always old, or bad. Sometimes both, and always at least one or the other.
TS: The jokes of the nominees of course are neither old nor bad, and that is what makes them funny.
Ice: Look, this stuff is horrible. Whoever is on the teleprompter can’t write….
TS: Whoooa there partner, watch the language!
Ice: Which language and what am I watching for?
TS: Three truck shay.
Ice: Now that’s good comedy! Does that get make us nominees?
TS: I don’t think so, it’s still not really that good.
Ice: Really? What are we missing?
TS: A recurring gag I think.
Ice: We have a recurring gag?
::No sooner had the question left Ice’s mouth than a large rubber chicken hits him square in the head. The wolf falls to the ground in obvious shock and pain::
Ice: Ahhhh. ::Ice moans in pain:: [i]That[/i] recurring gag…
TS: True shock and awe.
Ice: Ok can we get to the nominees yet?
::Ice gets up off the floor and straightens his tux::
TS: Not quite
Ice: Should I be afraid?
Ice: Why am I not getting a good feeling about this?
TS: Because you shouldn’t…
Ice: I guess that makes sense. You’re not going to tell me when you’re going to hit me are you?
Ice: Just my luck, and the nominees f…
:;Ice is rudely interrupted with a chicken to the head::
TS: And the nominees are…
“Ranger Days” by
“Gadget's Dream Analysis” by AQD_Robert
“Requiem for a Reprobate” by Mr. Spumoni
"Piece #1", by The Nobody
“The Stereo Incident” by CCC
“The Trials of Cooking” by nutsforbrains
Ice: Please promise me the winner won’t hit me?
TS: I can only speak for myself, and I’ll make you no such promises buddy.
TS: And the winner is…Ranger Days!!!!!
Ice and TS: Woo-hah!
::The presenters leave the stage, applauding that cool acceptance::