(Emcee's note: This one's the funniest I've read in a long
::As the previous presenter walks off the stage, there is a brief pause before the next presenter steps up; Gadget Hackwrench::
Gadget: Good evening, ladies and gentlemen! Well, I say 'evening', but a lot of you have come long distances and may be jetlagged, so it might be more comfortable for you if I were to say 'morning' or 'night' or 'afternoon', that's interesting, I wonder which would be the most accepted, it would be an interesting statistical study to do.
::Gadget pauses for a moment, in deep thought::
Gadget: Although a lot of you are from Russia, or England, or Europe, or America... hmmm, well, that's a lot of time zones to accommodate... I wonder...
::Quite suddenly, she brightenes up::
Gadget: I know! Good day!
Gadget: Unless your internal clock is saying 'night', in which case, thank you for staying awake and please note that I am using the word 'day' to mean 'a twenty-four hour period'. I think that about covers all eventualities. Well, let's see, where had I got to...what's your name? Oh, no wait, that's used when greeting a stranger, not presenting an award... er... ah yes! I am here to present the award for the Most Helpful Rangerphile!
::Gadget holds up a piece of paper::
Gadget: Here I have the names of all the nominees for the position. These are all Rangerphiles of a helpful and outgoing nature, willing to lend a hand to anyone who needs one. Golly, I'll need to make a copy of this list for next time I need a test subject!
::Nervous laughter echoes throughout the hall::
Gadget: The nominees are:
::Gadget holds up the envelope and appears to be reading this next part off the back::
Gadget: And without further ado, lades and gentlemen...
::Gadget pauses, while a drum roll starts in the background::
Gadget: The votes have been tallied, the names have been counted...
::The drum roll continues::
Gadget: Pause dramatically before opening the envelope...
::The drum roll falters a bit when Gadget reads that line aloud, but manages to continue::
Gadget: Open the envelope... oh, wait, that's me...
::Gadget opens the envelope, still accompanied by a drum roll, and pulls out a piece of paper::
Gadget: Golly, perhaps I'll find someone to help test the AutoHaircutter! I'll never get it finished without a test subject to have their hair cut by remote control.
::The drum roll increases in volume and sounds a little impatient. It ends just as Gadget starts to say…::
Gadget: Mr. Spumoni and pupspals!
::Gadget stepped back from the podium, holding out the Golden Acorns, waiting for the winners to step onto the stage::
::"Huh!" exclaims a familiar voice from the back of Rockefeller Center. As "Loser" by Beck plays for a second time the gray rat bounces down the aisle, waving to a few people he may have missed the first time::
Spumoni: Well! Well, well, well…well…”
::He looks over the rim of his glasses at the audience, fixing them in a wide stare, complete with his trademark smirk::
Spumoni: That’s a deep subject.
::He waits for a few chuckles, and then continues::
Spumoni: When I was in the Scouts one of the basic tenets of our existence was to follow the Scout Law. One important section of the law was that we were supposed to be ‘helpful and friendly’. Well, I’d like to think that those two go hand in hand. I thank my fellow Rangerphiles who have believed that I’ve lived up to these ideals, and for the fandom in general for being the type of place that sees this as a valued part of our daily life! Thank you all, you are all severely awesome!
::With that, Spu lifts the award over his head, bows, and bows to Gadget and Pupspals as he makes his way off the stage. Pupspals blushes slightly as she walks up to the stage. Back at her seat her guests (Wubbzy, Widget & Walden from Wow Wow Wubbzy & Marty & Buttons from Eon Kid) cheer. Pupspals shakes the hand of CCC , takes the award & approaches the podium::
pupspals: Thanks a lot guys! Of course the award is technically your thanks to me... so I'm thanking you for the' thank you' &.... never mind!
::The audience laughs::
Pupspals: Glad that you found me helpful! I always try to help where I can & in doing so hopefully display the attitude of Christ. Of course I didn't win this other year's so what's that say...?
My intern portrait at work had a Simpson version of me saying "I'll help out" since I was always willing to help & give up free time to even assist in doing odd jobs like punching holes in paper, etc when others wouldn't. But then that got me my job! So there's the lesson kids! Help out! Then you'll work in cartoons! ... or something like that.
::More muted laughter::
Pupspals: Thanks to God, my parents, the voters... You know? It's funny. I always feel like I'm not helping you guys out enough. I usually don't have time or don't have internet access so I don't sign up for half the things I want to help out with. Like this year I didn't present an award! I wanted to... but there's no time...
::Widget thinks aloud in her seat::
Widget: Hmmm... no time to present an award, eh?
::She runs up on stage & into the backstage area::
Widget: Don't worry, I have just the thing!
::Sounds of hammering & inventing come from backstage. Pupspals looks nervously at the audience & calls out to her::
Pupspals: What are you...? Now's not really the time, Widget... & please tell me you're not inventing a time machine!
Widget (the gadget like version yells from audience): Now's not the time for what?!
Pupspals: No.... the bunny's name is Widget too...
::Widget (the bunny-like creature - according to the series Bible) emerges with a robot as big as her. It is wearing a black bow-tie::
Widget: No problemo!
Pupspals (trying to pacify the crowd): No, no, no! "No problemo", not "no problems"!
Superstitious Rangerphile in audience: The cursed phrase has still been said!!
Widget (waves it off): Oh, don't be silly!
Monty: Cross your fingers mates!
::Widget holds out a remote with an antenna & a single button::
Widget: Activate the Super-Duper-Award-Presentor 3000!
::She presses the button. The Robot's lights-for-eyes light up & a robotic voice is heard. It holds up an envelope::
Robot: & the award for Lifetime Achievement... goes to...
::The robot starts to open the envelope when Pupspals interjects::
Pupspals: Whoa, whoa! Someone else is presenting that! Plus it's supposed to be the last award! If you give it out now, people may leave early to beat the parking lot traffic.
Widget: Oops! Sorry.
::She pushes the button on her remote again to turn it off. However instead of turning off (surprise surprise...) the lights blink faster & it starts to shake::
Robot: Must... present... award! Must... present... award!!
::It grabs the GA from pupspals & gives it to Widget::
Robot: Congratulations! Must... present... award!
::The robot jumps into the audience stealing awards from those who've won them & giving it to others who haven't, offering his congratulations. But the giving quickly turns into shoving & throwing the awards at people's heads::
Monty: I told 'ya! Hit the deck!!
Widget: Ooops! That's not supposed to happen...
Pupspals: No kidding... Turn it off!
::Widget hits the button on the remote rapidly::
Widget: I'm trying! I'm trying!!
::The Robot grabs WildIrishRose's GA & throws it at Hondo! It grabs several of Spumoni's GAs & throws them at Pensacola Ranger, Tamira & Tanka!!
Robot: Congratulations! Must...present...award...!! Congratulations! Must...present...award!!!
::The robot gets Yunkel in his sights. It looms towards him arms outstretched aimed for his neck::
Robot: Must...present...award...!! Must...present...award!!!!
::It hovers over him, ready to pounce! Yunkel slides down in his seat, trying to figure out an escape plan. But it's no use! The robot shakes violently then...stops. It turns & heads off the other direction. It continues to steal GA's & "present" them to others. Yunkel sits up in his chair::
Yunkel: Well, that was uneventful...
::The robot runs of out GA's to steal, so it starts to look for shiny award like things to present instead. He grabs Buttons::
Buttons: Hey! Hands off! I'm not an award! ...although I am quite a prize...
::The robot starts to repeatedly hit Walden with Buttons::
Wubbzy: Widget! Do something!!
::Widget has now disassembled the remote & is trying to put it back together with a screwdriver. Pupspals looks on as Gadget is now on stage suggesting how to fix it::
Widget: I'm trying! I'm trying!!!!
Gadget: If you cross the red & blue wire it should work....
::Marty sighs. He yells, floats in the air & converts into Eon Kid in his robotic armor that emerges from his fist anime style. The fist glows. Marty gives the robot a solid punch in the gut which sends it flying towards the stage. Buttons falls onto Walden's lap as pupspals & Widget duck for cover. It smashes against the back wall of the stage with a giant fist mark in its belly & starts to smoke. Pupspals & Widget climb to their feet & look at the robot::
Widget (giggles): That worked!
::She grabs the robot & drags it off stage for repairs. Indy carefully walks up to Pupspals::
Indy: Everyone okay out there?!?
::Rangerphiles straighten chairs and exchange GAs. Some try to keep the awards they were "presented" but the Rangers are quick to make sure they are returned to their rightful owners. Several give Indy the thumbs up::
Indy: Let's take a five minute break to get situated & continue with the next award!
::He takes pupspals aside as they walk off stage::
Indy: We need to have a talk about these guests you keep bringing... First Comic Book Guy steals Gadget plushies...
pupspals: I know, I know... I'm just trying to plug my current projects!! At least I didn't bring Turok! That would have been a problem...
Indy: After those 300 Spartans, he'd had been a breath of fresh air.
::Gadget accompanies the newly awarded Most Helpful Rangerphiles offstage. The people in the front rows could hear her asking something about an AutoHaircutter and a test subject::