::Silently, and as a ghost descending a flight of stairs in some forgotten manor house, a white canvas lowers from the ceiling. As it comes down a soft lilting music begins to play and a narrator, who sounds remarkably like Mark Hamill, speaks::
Hamill: In the modern world, artistic expression takes many forms. From more traditional forms like sculpture and paining, to modern music and dance, expression continues to thrive. Electronic forms of communication have allowed new ways to express their interests…
::Spumoni enters from stage right. He’s wearing an odd combination of clothes that appears to be some kind of avant-garde hipster clothing, including a beret, and towing a cart full of what one could only guess is art supplies. The slightly put-upon voice of Mark Hamill continues…
Hamill: In the creation of websites we see the ability to use information as a form of artistic representation growing and becoming omnipresent as part of the larger culture.
::At that Spumoni takes a paintbrush and makes large horizontal strokes on the canvas with an oversized paintbrush using a particularly vibrant shade of green::
Hamill: Many communities, organizations, and nations make use of this new media to express themselves, and to make themselves known to the larger world.
::Spumoni takes a handful of brushes and paints a large number of colors in wide swaths across the canvas::
Hamill: Of all of the internet fandoms which have attempted to make use of this new medium of expression, the Rangerphiles have proven themselves particularly adept—
::Suddenly the narrator stops, and in a very bold voice objects to the situation::
Hamill: What? Rangerphile? Is that some sort of felony or something?
Narrator (chokes): Oh, sorry, the Rangerphiles have long used the internet as a way of showing the world the scope of their work, and their dedication to the positive and inspiring message of the Rescue Rangers.
::With that Spumoni lifts up his brushes again and paints a very loose interpretation of the Rescue Ranger herald on the canvas in wide swathes, a wide yellow bit running down the middle as a lightning bolt::
Hamill: In doing so, the webmasters who have created Rangerphile websites must show several prevalent traits. First, they must have the technical skill to undertake such a task…
::Spumoni rolls bold black strokes across the canvas with a roller::
Hamill: Next, the crafter must have tenacity and a sense of purpose…
::At that Spumoni takes a multiple headed brush and runs back and forth across the canvas, making yelping sounds as he does, smearing gray and off-white over his construct. A few titters of laughter start up in the audience::
Hamill: Third, the creator of a Rangerphile must include something of themselves, something that shows the world their own unique perspective on the world of the Rescue Rangers.
::With that Spumoni pours a can of blue paint all over himself and, screaming, throws himself at the canvas over and over until he is exhausted and panting for breath. The audience breaks out in full-fledged guffaws and belly laughs::
Hamill: This year, the Rangerphile community has nominated six websites that have met and even exceeded these requirements!
::Spumoni slings handfuls of gold paint at the far reaches of the canvas as the laughter continues::
Hamill: Ladies and Gentlemen, the nominees for the 2007 Golden Acorn for Best website are…
::Spumoni looks up to the distant speakers from whence the voice of Mark Hamill proceeds forth from::
Hamill: Rescue Ranger Headquarters!
::Spumoni flecks red, gold and blue onto the canvas::
Hamill: The Acorn Café!
::Spumoni draws ten white lines over the top of the painted areas::
Hamill: The Furcadian Acorn Café!
::Spumoni makes a spoke and hub in a variety of earth tones::
Hamill: The RRDatabase!
::In a flurry of activity, Spumoni paints his interpretation of several great pieces of Rangerphile art, or RRt as some might say. The results are amateurish at best, but the intent shines through::
Hamill: The Russian CDRR Portal!
::Using a wide brush Spumoni adds a flag of the Commonwealth of Independent States among the various other symbols, making it appear as if it were waving on an unfelt wind::
Hamill: And Tanka’s CDRR Pages!
::Spumoni, in a final furious assault upon the canvas, paints a large “T” shrouded in a halo of gold! Turning to the audience, heaving for lack of air, he bows to great applause::
::And that’s when the canvas tips over, falling on him::
::After a long moment the dust reveals a solitary figure amid the ruin of his collapsed artwork. Spumoni, standing in a single hole created as the canvas tore around him, is left alone with a dejected look on his face::
::Behind him the dust clears, but tiny flecks of dried paint
linger in the air. As they swirl about the light catches them and slowly they
congregate. Slowly, slowly, flitting through the still air of
Hamill: Ladies and Gentlemen, the winner of the 2007 Golden Acorn Award for Best Website is The Acorn Café!
::As the crowd stands and applauds, Chairman Kaga, Dr. Indy, Framwinkle, Jeff Parkes, Ray Jones and RangerReady take the stage::
Indy: I couldn't think of higher praise for the Café in its tenth year than for it to win this award. And while we're here taking credit, it's not about us. It's about the people who come here every day and share a little bit of themselves. We've all worked to keep this Café the place that we came to love the first time we each came here. And we've only just begun.
::Once Spumoni has gathered up his tattered canvas and his art supplies, he exits stage left. From there, comes the sound of a Light Saber activating and Spumoni runs back on stage::
Spumoni: Nobody told me Jedi were so touchy—next time I'll get Picard to narrate!
::Spumoni is dragged off in the grip of the Force and disappears stage left::