::As CD comes on stage, the band plays last's year's award ceremony special "The Crazy Fan of Clarice", which causes CD to stop in his tracks, turn around and

glare at the band::

 

CD: Sheesh, you'd think they'd never stop. Tying up Philip in red tape wasn't enough.

 

::In the audience the boy chipmunk from CD's stories is sitting bound in red tape, his screams muffled by the tape tying his jaws shut. The man in front 'ssh'es him::

 

CD: Good night folks and welcome to Radio City Music Hall, New York for the Golden Acorn Awards 2007 Best Original Male Character presentation. Try saying that ten times fast. To make this evening productive, and appease the Federal Television Agency, I am dedicating this presentation to what I like to call my Subliminal Multi-Language Integration Subtitling of Tolerance. From now on the big screen, which is on stage for no other reason than to get us through the evening practically, subtitles my speech in Dutch, which is sub-subtitled to English to translate the translation so everyone knows what I'm saying!

 

::Scratches his head for a moment as if pondering on something redundant::

 

CD: Why do I have this feeling we're making it harder than is necessary? Anyway, let's begin, I have a loooooong speech ahead.

 

::Pulls out a letter from his shirt, which he discards, and pulls out a scroll that unrolls so far it rolls off the stage. CD starts his speech while the subtitles appear on screen in turn::

 

CD: My fellow Rangerphiles! ...

Subtitle: [i]Hij is een hork.[/i]

Sub-subtitle: [i][b]He's a jerk. Can you believe this guy?[/b][/i]

Subtitle: [i]Nee, ik geloof er geen woord van![/i]

Sub-subtitle: [i][b]No, I don't believe it at all! And why are we talking to each other?[/b][/i]

Subtitle: [i]Vast omdat Philip's zus de ondertiteling doet.[/i]

Sub-subtitle: [i][b]Must be because Philip's sister volunteered to do the subtitles. I thought it was those guys at Disney who did them for the European DVD release. [/b][/i]

Subtitle: [i]Heb jij niet het gevoel dat wij allebij door een Babelfish vertaler zijn gehaald?[/i]

Sub-subtitle: [i][b]Don't you have the feeling we were both run through a Babelfish translator? Nah, we're sensible, lack non-sequiters and you can bake 'kroketten' of it. [/b][/i]

Subtitle: [i]Fascinerend! Jij weet ook wat kroketten zijn![/i]

Sub-subtitle: [i][b]Fascinating! You also know what krokettes are! Meh, the person typing does, sorta. Shouldn't we be getting to the punchline? [/b][/i]

Subtitle: [i]De 'vuistslag lijn'?[/i]

Sub-subtitle: [i][b]The 'fist-strike' line? Remember how I said you weren't run-of-the-mill Babelfish fodder? Forget about it. [/b][/i]

 

CD: ...and therefore, the Golden Acorn Awards, and I, annually honor the Rescue Rangers Chip, Dale, Monterey, Zipper and Gadget!

Subtitle: [i]...daarom eren de Gouden Eikel Uitrijkingen (grinnik) elk jaar de Rescue Rangers Knabbel, Babbel, Monty, Zipper en Dottie![/i]

Sub-subtitle: [i][b]...therefore honour the Golden Acorn Awards (snicker) every year the Rescue- Ah for the love of Christian X* of Denmark! [/b][/i]

(*Emcee's Note Christian X was the King of Denmark from 1912-1947. He was a powerful symbol of Danish nationalism and opposition to the Nazis)

 

::Suddenly a big anvil falls from above and CD narrowly dodges. He looks up to see who did it::

 

Voice From Up In The Rafters: Like I've said a countless times: Call me Dottie, and you die!

 

Subtitle: [i]Zoals ik al talloze keren heb gezegd: noem me Dottie, en sterf![/i]

 

Sub-subtitle: ...

 

CD: I mean Gadget! Besides, it's the subtitle you're after!

 

Subtitle: [i]Ik bedoel Dottie! Trouwens, het is de ondertiteling die je moet he- oh, &#@%$![/i]

 

VFUITR: Ah, right. I'm getting right to it.

Subtitle: [i]Gotta run, t-tha-that's all folks![/i]

 

CD: Maybe we'd better do this Subliminal Multi-Language Integration Subtitling of Tolerance evening without subtitles. I would have hated to do this in Hungarian anyway. Why should I learn about their culture? I seem to always get in trouble when I translate from my Hungarian-English dictionary. I guess. Integration and Tolerance ain't meant for the Balkan.

 

::rimshot::

 

Sub-subtitle: [i]There's an understatement![/i]

 

CD: Okay, so this here's the Best Male Character award, see? Qualities you'll be looking for in a male are muscles.

 

::CD flexes his biceps in several different poses, emphasizing muscles he didn't have before::

 

CD: You can see I've been drinking my buttermilk.

Subtitle: [i]Buttermilk. It makes a body bitter.[/i]

 

CD: And of course, males are all known for their brilliance, leadership, courage, heroism, athletic ability, steroid usage, and modesty. And it's because I am so modest that I will not take this award myself, even though I thoroughly deserve it.

Subtitle: [i]iAs if[/i]

 

::CD starts to roll up his long speech until the last of the scroll is clear off the stage. He then takes the envelope::

 

CD: This envelope contains the winner. And this year's possible winners are:

 

Todd - Diamonds in the Desert by Midnight Man

Matt - The Pivotal Divide by Mayhem

Indy - The Last Rangerphile by Indy

 

CD: Last Rangerphile? Don't be so sure of that buster! Sheesh, talk about 'taking out the competition'! Anyway, let's see if's the Last Rangerphile, Diamond Todd, or Pivotal Matt.

 

::Opens the envelop and reads::

 

CD: So is it Todd, Matt, or Indy? You must be wondering. Tough choice. You know what? YOU decide, America!

 

::The screen behind CD shows a bar graph for each nominee, with the most votes going to Indy, for The Last Rangerphile::

 

CD: Come on up!

 

::From stage left, an old man wearing a hat and fedora along with the rest of the requisite IndyGear comes out, pushing himself in a wheelchair. A stage hand gives him the mic and he starts talking in a raspy voice::


Indy: Friends and fellow Rangerphiles, I thank you for this most auspicious award. Of course, I am the Indy of the far future, so I know what's going to happen to most of you.

 

::Indy looks over at CD and shakes his head::

 

Indy: Never stage a riot without planning a decent escape route.

Subtitle: [i]Right on, old dude![/i]

 

::The old man smiles out at the Rangers::

 

Indy: Don't worry, friends. There will always be someone to care about you, as so many of the Rangerphiles do now. That was part of the purpose for my creation, and rest assured there will be more to take on the task.

 

::The audience applauds as the old man accepts the award with trembling hands. Then he pulls out a remote and presses a button on it::

 

Indy: Home, Short-Round!

 

::A digital voice responds back::

 

SR: [i]Yes, sir.[/i]

 

::In a flash of light, the man vanishes, wheelchair and all. CD, startled by the sudden departure, now leaves the stage, pondering the old man's words::