::CD walks onto the stage as the band plays Every Breath You Take. Accordingly, CD's gaze is fixed on a certain chipmunk in the audience. A few guards, unsure as to how to handle this type of crime, uncomfortably position themselves to intercept the presenting chipmunk should he try anything. CD just hums along and places his favorite
Clarice plushy on the stand, making sure it's comfortable before beginning his presentation::
CD: As always, injustice and crimes happen all the time. And we're lucky to have satire so we can at least get a good laugh from it. And plenty of laughs we get! The last years we've had hurricanes, war, nuclear tests, rocket tests, political killings and more happen all the time! That is why I, CD, will give you tonight-
::Takes off his glasses and dramatic music plays while the screen behind him lights up::
CD: The shocking truth behind the root of all evil. It all
started with the most recent
::The screen shows a picture of the presidential limousine with an anvil dropped on it::
CD: At first I believed it was just an election like any. But consider the evil that had happened since.
::A picture is shown of the late Theo van Gogh::
CD: Two days before the election the evil started. This man was assassinated brutally on the street.
::Picture of Pope John Paul II::
CD: This is another victim of the election outcome. We are told he was simply old and his health couldn't support him much longer. But isn't it strange his health failed only after the elections?
::Picture of Fidel Castro::
CD: This man was just giving a speech to his people when the election outcome's evil struck again. It made Mr Fidel trip and injure his leg badly. Currently this person is recovering from surgery and in critical condition. You think the incidents are unrelated? Believe what you want.
::Picture of Prince Bernhard of the
CD: Again, we were led to believe somebody passed away with
no involvement by the results of the
::Picture of Yasser Arafat::
CD: Yet another so-called case of bad health. Isn't it suspicious so many people have died in the years after the election?
::Picture of Ariel
CD: Another one from the
::Picture of Saddam Hussein::
CD: Another victim of the election in the
::Picture of Barzan Ibrahim al-Tikriti is shown but promptly removed after the circumstances become clear::
CD: Eh, indeed. We got material of that execution. The point still stand: it was done on purpose!
::Picture of post-flooding
CD: Do we have to remind you? The election destroys cities!
::Picture of the limousine and anvil is shown again::
CD: Probably the most ominous picture of all is this. On the limousine you'll notice a smudge. When I zoomed in and digitally enhanced it...
::The screen zooms in and a poor rendition of the Canadian flag is placed over the brown blur::
CD: And there you have it people. All the while this clue
has been glaring at us, laughing at us for not seeing it before, while it was
so obvious. That is why we can draw no different conclusion other than: Blame
Gentlemen, I don't think anything more needs to be said. The
::A long silence reigns until CD decides to move on::
CD: Anyway, now for something completely different. The satire award. This year's nominees are:
How To Defend Yourself From An Attacker Armed With A Nut, by Severe Weather Eddie
On The Set Of Gadget Goes Hawaiian, by Neal Wolf
A No Brainer, by CD
Fan Attack, by Regrin & Scifly
::CD takes out an envelope with a suspicious Canadian post stamp. He opens it and reads the card::
CD: And the winner is…well, with all that satire, there couldn't be just one, right? Severe Weather Eddie and Neal_Wolf, come on up!
::Eddie stands up and makes his way to the stage as the audience applauds. Grinning, he walks up to the podium and shakes CD’s hand::
Eddie: Wow! Um, well, I’m honored, again, to receive this award! I guess that this goes to show that when you mix Monty Python and Rescue Rangers, it’s bound to be good! I’ll spare y’all the high-pitched falsetto British accent, though.
::The audience laughs (and breathes a sigh of relief) ::
Eddie: I’d like to thank Chip, Dale, Gadget, Tammy, and Monty for helping me out with this one. I’m pretty sure that Dale enjoyed himself—
Dale (from the audience): Wowie-zowie! You bet I did!
Eddie: …and I’m sure that Monty appreciated the cheese…
Monty (from the audience): A 16-ton block of ch-ee-ee-eese! It was hollow! Wasn’t 16 tons of it!
Eddie: …and I’m sure that the ladies have gotten over the experience with the rabid fans. I hope.
Tammy (from the audience, dumbfounded): So…many…Tammyphiles…
::AndY, Regrin, and James StarRunner move to comfort Tammy, but end up running into each other in the process::
Eddie: And, of course, I have to thank the likes of John Cleese, Graham Chapman, Eric Idle, Terry Gilliam, Terry Jones, and Michael Palin for coming up with a sketch that seemed to beg me to parody it. And thank y’all for finding it funny enough to vote for!
::With that, Eddie takes the award, waves at the audience one more time, and then returns to his seat. Neal takes the stage in full tuxedo, his flowing long hair partially pulled back in a half-tail reminiscent of Qui-Gon Jinn::
Neal Wolf: Y'know, when I first wrote this bit, the only thing I had planned was to mess with people's heads... and give myself some practice dodging flying plungers. I don't know about that second one, but since I'm standing up here accepting this, I'd say I pulled off the first pretty well. Thanks a lot, you guys.
::He bows low to the audience, then heads off stage grinning. CD makes his way offstage, where he nervously snakes around some guys wearing suits and dark glasses::