Best Portrait of a Ranger
::BK strides out onto the stage. He is dressed in his trademark kilt, but tonight wears a more formal Bonnie Prince Charlie jacket and waistcoat to go with it. He also appears to be carrying a putter over one shoulder::
BK: Good evening, and a very warm welcome to you.
::Points to the putter, his normal Scottish brogue replaced by a hammed-up American accent::
BK: Do you like my date? I’m here to present the Golden Acorn Award for ‘Best Portrait Of A Ranger’. At first I was a bit disappointed that hardly any involved Monty, but then I realised they’d be in the ‘Landscape’ category!
::No one laughs. An unidentified audience member can be heard coughing::
BK: I have to say the standard was very high this year. I looked at the list and thought; “There’s more pics here than in a Victorian mine shaft”.
::The same person coughs. BK identifies the culprit as Racebest, the café’s resident duck-billed platypus::
BK: Hey, buddy, you’d better see a ‘quack’ about that cough!
::Silence. The American accent disappears::
BK: RIGHT! That’s the last time I take comedy tips from Dale!
::Shoots a glance at off-stage::
BK: Yeah, you!
::BK throws his putter off stage. A loud ‘bonk’ can be heard, and then a thud, presumably a chipmunk hitting the deck::
BK (takes a huge breath): Without further ado, here are the portraits you, the readers, voted for:
-‘Tammy With Chip Plush’
-‘Chip & Gadget in The Snow’
-‘Chip & Dale in The
- and ‘Chip by The Tracks’, all by
-‘Gadget The Pirate’
- and ‘Tammy The Assassin Cover #2’, all by Toni
-‘Gadget Head Sketch’
- and ‘Gadget Seated’ by DeLTa
-‘Gadget’s Photo’ by Lance
-‘Rescue Rangers, Away!’ By Integrator
-‘Dale Vs The Evil Dead’ by Dumpster Side
-‘Gadget’s Portrait’ by Scifly
-‘Red Dress Gadget’ by Fish
-‘That’s Mine’ by J
-‘Merry Advent’ by Stian
- and ‘Tammy & a Star’ by Tanka.
BK: Some list, eh? And the winner is…Dear Mr Melrose, you now owe us the sum of £35.11 for your electricity bill?...
::Quickly stuffs the bill in his pocket, red-faced::
BK: I don’t think that was a nomination!
::Fishes around his pockets::
BK: Darn all these pockets… Oh wait, now I remember!
::Opens his sporran ([i]Emcee's Note: A sporran is a large purse or pouch usually made of leather or animal fur, attached to waist in front of the Scottish kilt when in full dress[/i]) and produces a bottle of scotch, a bag of groceries, a stepladder, and a pair of shoes before finally coming to a small, important-looking envelope::
BK: Here it is! OK, take two. And the winner of ‘Best Portrait Of A Ranger’ 2006 is…Lance, for Gadget's Photo! Come up here and get what’s coming to ya!
::With a smile, a
wave to the audience and a solid handshake with BK, Lance again stands behind
Lance: Thanks all! I was pretty happy with how this one came out, after not attempting any Rescue Ranger art for a while. Still... All I did was take the photo. A photographer's life is made pretty easy by having such an effortlessly gorgeous subject.
::Lance throws a playful wink in Gadget's direction and strolls off the stage. Gadget blushes and waves back as BK salutes the crowd and heads offstage as well.::