Best Portrait of a Ranger


::BK strides out onto the stage. He is dressed in his trademark kilt, but tonight wears a more formal Bonnie Prince Charlie jacket and waistcoat to go with it. He also appears to be carrying a putter over one shoulder::


BK: Good evening, and a very warm welcome to you.


::Points to the putter, his normal Scottish brogue replaced by a hammed-up American accent::


BK: Do you like my date? I’m here to present the Golden Acorn Award for ‘Best Portrait Of A Ranger’. At first I was a bit disappointed that hardly any involved Monty, but then I realised they’d be in the ‘Landscape’ category!


::No one laughs. An unidentified audience member can be heard coughing::


BK: I have to say the standard was very high this year. I looked at the list and thought; “There’s more pics here than in a Victorian mine shaft”.


::The same person coughs. BK identifies the culprit as Racebest, the café’s resident duck-billed platypus::


BK: Hey, buddy, you’d better see a ‘quack’ about that cough!


::Silence. The American accent disappears::


BK: RIGHT! That’s the last time I take comedy tips from Dale!


::Shoots a glance at off-stage::


BK: Yeah, you!


::BK throws his putter off stage. A loud ‘bonk’ can be heard, and then a thud, presumably a chipmunk hitting the deck::


BK (takes a huge breath): Without further ado, here are the portraits you, the readers, voted for:


-‘Tammy With Chip Plush’

-‘Chip & Gadget in The Snow’

-‘Chip & Dale in The Rye

- and ‘Chip by The Tracks’, all by Rye


-‘Oekaki Gadget’

-‘Gadget The Pirate’

- and ‘Tammy The Assassin Cover #2’, all by Toni


-‘Gadget Head Sketch’

- and ‘Gadget Seated’ by DeLTa


-‘Gadget’s Photo’ by Lance


-‘Rescue Rangers, Away!’ By Integrator


-‘Dale Vs The Evil Dead’ by Dumpster Side


-‘Gadget’s Portrait’ by Scifly


-‘Red Dress Gadget’ by Fish


-‘That’s Mine’ by J


-‘Merry Advent’ by Stian


- and ‘Tammy & a Star’ by Tanka.


BK: Some list, eh? And the winner is…Dear Mr Melrose, you now owe us the sum of £35.11 for your electricity bill?...


::Quickly stuffs the bill in his pocket, red-faced::


BK: I don’t think that was a nomination!


::Fishes around his pockets::


BK: Darn all these pockets… Oh wait, now I remember!


::Opens his sporran ([i]Emcee's Note: A sporran is a large purse or pouch usually made of leather or animal fur, attached to waist in front of the Scottish kilt when in full dress[/i]) and produces a bottle of scotch, a bag of groceries, a stepladder, and a pair of shoes before finally coming to a small, important-looking envelope::


BK: Here it is! OK, take two. And the winner of ‘Best Portrait Of A Ranger’ 2006 is…Lance, for Gadget's Photo! Come up here and get what’s coming to ya!


::With a smile, a wave to the audience and a solid handshake with BK, Lance again stands behind the podium::

Lance: Thanks all! I was pretty happy with how this one came out, after not attempting any Rescue Ranger art for a while. Still... All I did was take the photo. A photographer's life is made pretty easy by having such an effortlessly gorgeous subject.

::Lance throws a playful wink in Gadget's direction and strolls off the stage. Gadget blushes and waves back as BK salutes the crowd and heads offstage as well.::