Best All-Time Author

 

::The stage remains unoccupied, but through the PA system a stage hand can be heard::

 

STAGEHAND: Come on BK, time for the ĎBest All-Time Authorí award.

 

BK: Oh man! Are you kidding? The gameís just went into injury time. Canít you just hold it up for a minute? Let Monty tell them a story or something.

 

STAGEHAND: No BK, NOW! Your public awaits.

 

BK: Wait, letís just see what happens with this corner.

 

STAGEHAND: I SAID NOW!

 

BK (Sighs): Fine, Iíll go now.

 

::Footsteps can be heard::

 

BK (mumbling): Rassa, fassa, rassa Rick Rastardly.

 

STAGEHAND: Oh, and BK? Your micís been on for the past two minutes.

 

::BK can be heard slapping his own face::

 

BK: Oh for the love ofÖ

 

::BK walks out onto the stage to a smiling crowd::

 

BK: Hello all you happy, happy people. Itís time to decide who you, the patrons, have voted as the all-time greatest author in the CDRR fandom. We have been, and still are, graced with many great authors in this fandom, as can be told by some of the great names not to make this short list, which Iím sure all of you can think of at least one. In honour of this award, Iíve decided to write my first piece of fan fiction. I will read it to you now.

 

::BK looks offstage::

 

BK: How long have we got?... 30 seconds! Hmm, better make this quick then:

 

::BK Clears his throat::

 

BK: "It was a calm spring day in Central ParkÖ"

 

::Looks at his watch, and starts flicking pages frantically::

 

BK: blah, blah, blah, new hero, yada, yada, yada, you get the idea. "Then as Gadget fell into the kilted ratís arms, they embraced passionately, never to let go. The End."

 

::Only Dale laughing uproariously can be heard. The rat frowns, then moves on quickly::

 

BK: Anyway, the nominations for this yearís award are:

 

-Loneheart

-Urthquake

-RangerReady23

-Dr Indy

-BOC42

-LightinDark76

-Stainless Steel Rat

-The Dr Indy & Chris Silva double-act

- and Fish

 

::Produces the envelope::

 

BK: And this yearís winner is the big three! Indy, Chris Silva and Fish! Big up ya bad self!

 

Dale: FISH! FISH! FISH!

 

::Fish comes up on stage first::

 

Fish: No WAAAAYYYY!!! Way? Really?

 

::The audience laughs knowingly::

 

Fish: Well shoot. Considering the talent in the community I've seen I don't know whether this is an honor beyond measure or a travesty of justice!I salute and bow to my fellow nominees and all other great authors of the CDRR Realm.

 

::The crowd stands and cheers, and continues as Indy and Chris Silva come up::

 

Indy: We're very glad you like our stories.

 

Chris: And there's more to come yet! Like the story about Gadget's mó

 

::Indy clamps his hand over Chris' mouth::

Indy: Don't tell 'em until we're done with it. Anyways, he's right, there's more to come!

 

Chris: Thanks again, everyone!

 

::As the three award winners leave the stage, BK kicks a soccer ball across the stage as he listens to a radio with earplugs in his ears::

BK: Go, go, go! Goal!

 

::He dances around the stage, then realizes everyone's watching him::

 

BK: Uh, soccer fan. You'd have to be one to understandÖ

 

::BK ducks his head a little and walks quickly offstage, pumping his fist in celebration::