Best All-Time Artist
::Dr. Batorious' voice booms over the public address system::
Batorious: And now, to present this year's Golden Acorn Award for Best All-Time Artist, it is my pleasure to welcome someone who needs no introduction: Gadget Hackwrench!
::The applause is truly thunderous as Gadget takes the stage, entering from stage right. Dressed in a slinky, glittering blue dress with an almost scandalous cut, she's dolled up to the nines for the event, leaving her goggles behind and acquiescing to a bit of makeup. Cheerfully waving to her many admirers, she occasionally blows kisses out into the crowd and just generally basks in the limelight::
::Sashaying over to the podium, she cheerfully picks up the Golden Acorn statuette, equally cheerfully holds it up in triumph, and then equally cheerfully starts walking back the way she came, the Golden Acorn tucked under
her arms as her high-heeled feet begin to move faster::
::Just then, Chip walks in from stage right, still adjusting the bow tie on his tux::
Chip (relieved): Oh, there you are, Lawhinie!
I've been looking all over for you. I'm glad you agreed to substitute for
Gadget at the last minute, I don't know where she
could have gone off to.
:::Lahwhinie looks stricken. She does her best to hide the statuette behind her, but the act of hiding it only draws Chip's attention and pushes his suspicion meter suddenly up to eleven::
Chip: Where did you think you were going with that?
Lahwhinie: Well, this is the award for best all-time artist,
Chip: Yes... he agreed, uncertain where this was all going.
Lahwhinie: So I thought about it, and why not me?
Lahwhinie: Sure, Chop.
::She starts counting on her fingers::
Lahwhinie: What about that time I fooled you all into thinking
I was Gadget, and tricking Gadget into taking
those survival tests for me? Or how about how I fooled that entire tribe into thinking I was actually a priestess of the volcano gods? I bet none of the other candidates have done anything close to that.
Chip (stern, fists on hips): Lawhinie, [i]con[/i] artists don't count.
Lahwhinie (disappointed): Oh.
::She holds the award out to Chip, chastened::
Then would you like to see my etchings?
::He takes back the award::
Chip: Lawhinie, you promised to
Lahwhinie (grumpily): Oh, fine.
::The two walk back over to the podium, and Chip begins his
Chip: Most Golden Acorn Awards are awarded for work done in the previous year, but a special set of awards has been created to recognize those individuals who, over time, have shown themselves to be consistently at the pinnacle of a particular category. This year's nominees are:
Chip: Having personally seen all of these artists' work, it's an amazing blessing to know the fan community has such amazing talents in it, and in such numbers. It saddens me that there can only be one 'winner,' but at this level, there isn't actually a whole lot of difference between 'best' and 'worst'. Nevertheless, the voters had to make a decision, and that winner is...wow…
Lahwhinie: What? What is it?
Chip: Well, I never thought that…
Lahwhinie: What? Come on, they're waiting!
Chip: Folks, we have a new name atop the 2006 Best All-Time
::As the crowd stands and applauds, Chip hands the statuette over to Lawhinie, who reluctantly prepares to present it to
Indy: Got a message here from
::As Chip and Lawhinie leave the stage, Lawhinie seems to have cheered up some::
Lahwhinie: You know... that actually felt kinda good.
Chip: See, Lawhinie? It's not so hard.
Lahwhinie: I guess not. And you never know, Chirp. Maybe next year I'll enter one of my etchings, and I'll win one of those shiny awards the right way.
::Chip paused in his tracks::
Chip: You mean you really do [i]have[/i/ etchings?
Lahwhinie (puzzled): Of course, Chap. What did you think I meant?
::Just then, Gadget hops on to the stage from stage left, bound and gagged and looking like she'd just spent quite a bit of time in a janitor's closet. That is, not voluntarily, anyway::
::Chip immediately rushes over::
Chip: What happened to you?
Lahwhinie (hastily): Uh, it's been swell, Cheep!
::The Hawaiian mouse does her best to make a slow getaway in high heels and a form-fitting dress. Chip pulls one of Gadget's arms over his shoulders and the two Rangers hop after her in hot (if awkward) pursuit::