Best All-Time Artist
::Dr. Batorious' voice booms over the public address
system::
Batorious: And now, to present this year's Golden Acorn Award for Best All-Time
Artist, it is my pleasure to welcome someone who needs no introduction: Gadget
Hackwrench!
::The applause is truly thunderous as Gadget takes the
stage, entering from stage right. Dressed in a slinky, glittering blue
dress with an almost scandalous cut, she's dolled up to the nines for the
event, leaving her goggles behind and acquiescing to a bit of makeup.
Cheerfully waving to her many admirers, she occasionally blows kisses out into
the crowd and just generally basks in the limelight::
::Sashaying over to the podium, she cheerfully picks up the Golden Acorn
statuette, equally cheerfully holds it up in triumph, and then equally
cheerfully starts walking back the way she came, the Golden Acorn tucked under
her arms as her high-heeled feet begin to move faster::
::Just then, Chip walks in from stage right, still adjusting the bow tie on his
tux::
Chip (relieved): Oh, there you are, Lawhinie!
I've been looking all over for you. I'm glad you agreed to substitute for
Gadget at the last minute, I don't know where she
could have gone off to.
:::Lahwhinie looks stricken. She does her best
to hide the statuette behind her, but the act of hiding it only draws Chip's
attention and pushes his suspicion meter suddenly up to eleven::
Chip: Where did you think you were going with that?
Lahwhinie: Well, this is the award for best all-time artist,
isn't it?
Chip: Yes... he agreed, uncertain where this was all going.
Lahwhinie: So I thought about it, and why not me?
Chip: You?!?
Lahwhinie: Sure, Chop.
::She starts counting on her fingers::
Lahwhinie: What about that time I fooled you all into thinking
I was Gadget, and tricking Gadget into taking
those survival tests for me? Or how about how I fooled that entire tribe
into thinking I was actually a priestess of the volcano gods? I bet none
of the other candidates have done anything close to that.
Chip (stern, fists on hips): Lawhinie, [i]con[/i]
artists don't count.
Lahwhinie (disappointed): Oh.
::She holds the award out to Chip, chastened::
Lahwhinie (hopeful):
Then would you like to see my etchings?
Chip: No!
::He takes back the award::
Chip: Lawhinie, you promised to
behave.
Lahwhinie (grumpily): Oh, fine.
::The two walk back over to the podium, and Chip begins his
prepared speech::
Chip: Most Golden Acorn Awards are awarded for work done in the previous year,
but a special set of awards has been created to recognize those individuals
who, over time, have shown themselves to be consistently at the pinnacle of a
particular category. This year's nominees are:
Fish
Toni
Integrator
Master_MunkArt
DeLTa
Charles Williams
Chip: Having personally seen all of these artists' work, it's an amazing
blessing to know the fan community has such amazing talents in it, and in such
numbers. It saddens me that there can only be one 'winner,' but at this
level, there isn't actually a whole lot of difference between 'best' and
'worst'. Nevertheless, the voters had to make a decision, and that winner
is...wow…
Lahwhinie: What? What is it?
Chip: Well, I never thought that…
Lahwhinie: What? Come on, they're waiting!
Chip: Folks, we have a new name atop the 2006 Best All-Time
Artist trophy.
::As the crowd stands and applauds, Chip hands the
statuette over to Lawhinie, who reluctantly prepares
to present it to
Indy: Got a message here from
::As Chip and Lawhinie leave the stage, Lawhinie seems to have cheered up some::
Lahwhinie: You know... that actually felt kinda good.
Chip: See, Lawhinie? It's not so hard.
Lahwhinie: I guess not. And you never know, Chirp. Maybe next year
I'll enter one of my etchings, and I'll win one of those shiny awards the right
way.
::Chip paused in his tracks::
Chip: You mean you really do [i]have[/i/ etchings?
Lahwhinie (puzzled): Of course, Chap. What did
you think I meant?
::Just then, Gadget hops on to the stage from stage
left, bound and gagged and looking like she'd just spent quite a bit of time in
a janitor's closet. That is, not voluntarily, anyway::
Chip: Gadget!
::Chip immediately rushes over::
Chip: What happened to you?
Lahwhinie (hastily): Uh, it's been swell, Cheep!
::The Hawaiian mouse does her best to make a slow
getaway in high heels and a form-fitting dress. Chip pulls one of Gadget's
arms over his shoulders and the two Rangers hop after her in hot (if awkward)
pursuit::