::The band plays the Jaws theme as Minerva Bilderpavsky comes on stage cheerily, happily recieving the applause that immediately dies down when the people realize who they are clapping for. She gets behind the stand and blows kisses at what she still believes is her devoted audience.::
Minerva: I knew it! You hate me, you really really hate me!
You hate me so much you even let me do Best Original Villain award! But should not I have won this award?
I, one that threatens your life every days! I have got more criminal genius in
my small toe than that sorry bunch of imitators in skull! We will see how
people think next year when
Audience member: You'll have to get your sentences right first!
Minerva: Thanks you for constructive criticism. Soon, you rewarded by having your house demolished by tank battalion of mine!
CD: Don't worry, she won't do that. She'll put Sarin gas in your ventilation system.
Minerva: Hush! Was a secret! My devoted fan, you get very special surprise by mail soon. But this is presentation. If any yak-rear-end-for-a-brain simpleton not know Best Original Villain award's purpose, it goes to capable, creative and amusing villains, like me.
::Minerva takes a list from the inside of her pocket and it unfold like an accordion.::
Minerva: But just for the record, where are Brezhnev, Pinochet, Pol Pot...
::Minerva mentions names of dictators and all-around pains-in-the tail until the audience starts to doze off.::
Minerva: ...Khadaffi, Mussolini and Mladich?
Audience member: You forgot Great Khan.
Minerva: Don't speak ill of Genghis! I'll let you know he's my hero!
Indy: (offstage) When you're done handing out compliments, wouldn't you stop holding up the ceremony?
Minerva: ::humph:: No appreciation for genius these people have. People who are on list are:
Stella from Rachel's "Clarice Returns"
Officer Haggs from Loneheart in "Gadget in Chains"
Girth Vastcat from KS' "Space Wars"
bunch of wannabe's to me. But after I flatten the
Minerva: Not everybody at the same time please.
Minerva: I can't open this envelope with rubber gloves! Well if nobody cares about the common evil...
::Minerva tries to pry the envelope open but instead ends up ripping it apart.::
Minerva: I think this means nobody wins. I take this trophy for the honor of those who have gone before.
::Minerva snatches the award and tries to run away. Four broad-shouldered guards immediately pile up on her.::
Indy: Why do we always get so much on-stage theft with this category?
::Minerva throws the trophy high into the air and uses her escape skills to get out of her clothes (except shirt) to escape the guards' grasp. While they wonder where she went, Minerva catches the award and runs of laughing maniacally. CD, who anticipated this from his character puts a foot in front of her while she runs past the audience, tripping her. The trophy again flies through the air and is caught by Zipper who holds it up in one hand. He gives the camera a proud "never saw that coming did you?" look before returning the award to Indy who continues the presentation. Minerva just rests her head on her hands and drums her finger on the floor in frustration.::
Indy (reading the shredded card): Well it appears the real winner was…waitaminit folks, something’s going on backstage…
::Indy goes offstage, then the curtain lowers, leaving the audience murmuring. The curtain raises again with a fanfare from the band, ready for the next recipient only to reveal the now somewhat battered and torn Rescue Rangers Logo that Chip crashed through earlier. There is a short pause, followed by the hasty descent of the fire curtain and then it's even hastier ascent, revealing the scenery backdrop with the Rescue Rangers logo again. Clearly something has gone wrong somewhere. The audience begins to murmur again amongst themselves and the sound of panicked stagehands calling out can be made out behind the scenes. ::
Voice from offstage: *indistinct* …jammed pulley system. Looks…
[something, something] …tangled sandbags.
2nd Voice: *all too clearly* Pity's sake, get it cleared before that
Hackwrench girl volunteers to fix it!
1st Voice: *inaudible*
2nd Voice: Pull ANYTHING!
:: The battered RR Logo is removed, followed by the default background behind that, a set of tasteful curtains, a white screen saying "This space to rent", a painted scenery backdrop from Romeo and Juliet, before finally revealing a brick wall and a tea chest around which Bubbles McGee, Sheila and the twins from “Gadget in Chains” are all sitting and playing cards. ::
Bubbles: Right – Here's the plan. We make like extras or
wardrobe people until the end of the show. Steal some spare costumes for
disguises. Make our way out with the crowd while trying to pick enough pockets
to buy four train tickets to
:: While Bubbles is talking one of the twins look over at the audience, looks away again, freezes, slowly turns back to stare at the all the people. The twin taps on the other twin's shoulder, who repeats the actions of the first one, and starts tugging on Sheila's sleeve. ::
Sheila: Uh, Bubbles…
Bubbles: Not now! It's important that we split up and keep a low profile –
1st Twin: Bubbles!
Bubbles: Not now! We have to decide when and where to meet up when it's all over –
2nd Twin: Bubbles!!
Bubbles: Not now! I say we meet at the station at midnight but we have to stick to that. Anyone who's late gets left behind!
Sheila and both Twins: BUBBLES!
:: Bubbles looks up from her map finally ::
Bubbles: Not –
:: Bubbles jaw drops and her eyes bulge like her friends. ::
Bubbles: [quietly] Yipe!
Sheila: I told you we should have taken that left turn at
Bubbles: Stop panicking! Just pretend you're backing singers and follow my lead!
:: Bubbles bravely stands up and advances on the podium. The orchestra strikes up a blues rhythm beat to match her pace. The three other escapees form a quick chorus line and begin humming along to blend in. From somewhere spotlights pick them out. Bubbles reaches the podium and speaks into a microphone. ::
:: Audience laughs nervously, only half convinced they have been watching a rehearsed sketch. ::
Bubbles: I bet you didn't think you'd be seeing me up here again! In fact, I didn't think anybody would see me anywhere again after Loneheart wrote the Stormy Goodbye. I'm finally out of Shrankshaw and I'm out of Gadget in Chains…
:: Bubbles looks chagrined ::
Bubbles: …and I'm out of a job.
:: Audience laughs ::
Bubbles: Does anyone know a fan fiction author who's auditioning? Preferably one who specialises in light hearted comedies?
:: More laughter ::
Bubbles: As you might have guessed I'm sort of here by accident. They're having a little trouble back stage with… (Bubbles cranes her head a little) …what looks to be a video screen of some kind, but in the meantime someone has to pick up the award for, uh… (Bubbles reads off the plaque on the side of the award) Best Original Villain 2005, which as you've probably already heard goes to… um… (Bubbles sees the winner's card sitting on the podium and reads off it quickly) …Margo Haggs.
:: Bubbles goes very still. She swallows audibly. The three other escapees begin edging their way off the stage. ::
Bubbles: Who will be collecting the award by video link from her bed of pain in St Mungos Community Hospital! Phew! Ah, I got to tell you that's a relief, because that lady scares me…
:: Unseen by Bubbles the screen is finally freed and lowers until it is just above her head::
Bubbles: …In fact, I could tell you a few stories about what goes on behind the scenes of Gadget in Chains that would probably curl your fur…
:: The screen comes to life revealing the figure of a sleeping Margo Haggs, bandaged from head to foot and laying in a hospital bed. ::
Bubbles: …Not that I want to tell tales out of school, but that rat has an evil streak in her.
:: On the screen above a long pole, possibly a broom handle, reaches onto screen and pokes Haggs until she wakes up. Haggs blinks sleepily and then looks down and appears to see Bubbles standing directly below the screen. The camera zooms in for an extreme close up of Haggs' face and eyes, which suddenly blaze with an inhuman fury. Bubbles becomes aware of the audience staring at something above her. She looks up and meets Haggs' eyes. ::
Bubbles: Oh, uh, hi Margo. I was telling everyone what a pleasure it is working with you.
Haggs: Mmmmppphhhhhhtt! Mhm! Mm, Mm, Mm!
Bubbles: What, this? (Picks up golden acorn) Don't worry, I know a nice pawnbroker who will look after it for you.
:: Camera pulls back as Haggs drags herself out of bed and into a nearby wheelchair, upsetting most of the nearby hospital equipment in the process. ::
Sheila: You don't think she's coming after us do you?
Bubbles: Ah, she's helpless, what could she do?
:: Camera cuts to an outside view of the hospital with Margo Haggs rolling her wheelchair out the front door and into a taxi cab. ::
Sheila: Do you think we should start running?
Bubbles: Ah, even if she gets here she'll never find a parking space!
:: Camera cuts to the outside of the award ceremony with the taxi pulling up at the red carpet. Haggs' wheelchair rolls quickly along the red carpet towards the entrance. ::
Sheila: Now you've done it!
Bubbles: I just remembered an urgent appointment in
:: All four escapees make a hasty exit, stage left. A moment later Haggs charges on to the stage from the right, still in her wheelchair, with a police light mounted on her head. Crosses the stage in hot pursuit of the escapees, only pausing to collect her award.
The audience cheers and applauds her dedication, achievements and most of all her departure. As Haggs departs with his award, Minerva rushes over to her cover-alls resting on the floor and extracts a tranquilizer gun from it when nobody is looking. She stealthfully stalks after Haggs, determined to get the trophy back.
Indy comes back out onstage::
Indy: Okay, now that that’s out of the way…hmm…
::Indy picks up the shredded card, putting the pieces
Indy: Hey wait, it was a tie! It was Haggs and…oboy….
::The Imperial March from Star Wars begins to play as Girth Vastcat strides imposingly onto the stage. Shortly after, meppstroopers march onto the stage from the wings. Upon meeting in the center, they step forward a rank while more enter the stage. This continues as Vastcat takes the podium.::
Girth Vastcat: Yes! All has proceeded as I have foreseen...
::The meppstroopers continue stepping forward as more enter the stage behind them... ::
Girth Vastcat: And once I reveal the truth to Dale Branchwalker he will turn to the Dark Side and join me!
::The meppstroopers continue to grow uncomfortably close to Vastcat... ::
Girth Vastcat: Soon, the Rangerphiles will be defeated and the Acorn Cafe will be ours to rule as fa-AAHH!!
::Vastcat, the podium, and the first few ranks of meppstroopers go spilling off the stage with a crash! Several dingos dressed in janitorial coveralls enter from stage right and quickly sweep the remaining meppstroopers from the stage while a few others provide similar treatment for the tangled mass before the stage. Close behind, two platypii carry out a new podium and position it center stage. Kevin Sharbaugh takes the podium as the staff clears out.::
KS: I loved the name Girth Vastcat, it has to be one of my favorite aspects of “Space Wars”! I’m just sorry I couldn’t give him better dialogue, but then again Vader didn’t do much in the movie. Anyhow, both Vastcat and I thank you for this award... which I assume they are still trying to find in the mass of meppstroopers, so I suppose I’ll go help them.
::KS proceeds to leave the stage to the polite applause of the audience. Indy, who had whipped the stage support and climbed up to avoid the meppstroopers, came down, relieved that all was finally safe::