::A chipmunk, dressed in Jedi robes and wielding a lightsaber on his belt, walks up to the podium, adjusts the
microphone, and begins to speak::
OBI-WAN MAPLEWOOD: .And now we come to that most controversial of Ranger topics, romance. May I have the screen, please.
:The large viewscreen comes down behind the Jedi rodent. He continues to talk::
OBI-WAN: The amorous preferences of our beloved crime-fighting crew has been one of the most contentious issues faced by the show and its fans. This topic has its roots in the beginning of the show and the founding of the group, right when what our dear Indy calls "The Eternal Triangle" began.
::The show shows the famous scene in "To The Rescue" when Gadget and the 'munks meet::
OBI-WAN: Indeed, the issue of whether Chip or Dale would win Gadget's heart has spread beyond the Ranger fan community, to the point where those who think Chip is the one with the red nose -
:Uproarious laughter from the audience::
OBI-WAN: - ask Rangerphiles whom the young Hackwrench wound up with. However, while the show gave much evidence to either side of the argument-
::A montage of C+G and D+G clips from the show play at this point. Audience members cheer and clap the clips emphasizing the pair they favor::
OBI-WAN: - the show deliberately left the question open. But where Disney raised questions, fans were sure to answer.
::A clip plays from some random C+G fic. Chip and Gadget, in front of a gorgeous sunset, closing in for a kiss. Romantic music plays in the background::
OBI-WAN: Of course, not everyone agreed on just what that answer might be.
::Just before the onscreen Chip and Gadget kiss, a Magic Sword ™ gets in the way. Someone offscreen picks it up from the ground, and we then see Chip being chased into the background by Julie Bihn, waving her enchanted blade in a menacing manner::
OBI-WAN: In fact, this issue has proved devastating to the community at
::The screen shows the Acorn Café, around the turn of the 21st century. Rachel walks in, saying something like "Chip and Gadget are making out for Valentine's Day!" The "Antis" charge her, the "Pros" come to her aid, and soon the entire Café is embroiled in an epic battle, all to the sound of dramatic choral music::
OBI-WAN: But in the end, an "agree-to-disagree" attitude seems to be the norm here. But there was more to amour in the show than just Chip, Dale, and Gadget. In fact, all the Rangers had there share of romantic possibilities-
::The screen shows clips of Ranger couplings, from Gadget and Sparky, to Dale and Foxglove, to Chip and Tammy, to Monty and Desiree. Even Zipper gets his due, as clips showing him with Queenie, and Cassandra, are shown. Again, audience members cheer their favorite pairings, and Monty and Jeff Parkes get into a spirited conversation about the former's ex-fianceé::
OBI-WAN: And the fans have never been slow to come up with pairings of their own, from the fairly plausible-
::The screen shows a clip of Tammy and Dale together::
OBI-WAN: To those involving crossovers-
::The screen switches to a scene from one of RangerReady's fanfics, with Reguba and Tammy together. The teenage squirrel delights in the attention she's getting::
OBI-WAN: To those that, well.
::The screen changes scenes, showing a darkened room. Chip is bound to a chair, and an unseen person has a nasty-looking weapon to Chip's head.
OMINOUS VOICE: Sing.
CHIP: (Weakly) Tammy's mom has got it going on.::
OBI-WAN: But this award goes is not for Best Pairing, but for Best Romance, as in, romantic fanfic. So, the nominees are:
Clarice Returns, by Rachel Gloess
C-G: A Romance, by Ronnie Rabbit
If It Ain't Broke, Don't Fix It, by Neal_Wolf
::Obi-Wan is handed the envelope::
OBI-WAN: And the winner is…oh, you know who it is! Get on up here, Rachel!
::Rachel nearly runs onstage to accept this award::
Rachel: Whew! I must say, I am seriously excited! Last year, I was sadly unopposed for this award; however, I had some firm and amazing competition this year! I know that Ronnie Rabbit and I joked around quite a bit about this award, but I am simply honored to have received it for the second year in a row. I have long been known as the Queen of Romance both on and off of the Café, and I am more than happy to incorporate its aspects into the lives of the Rangers.
::The audience applauds, including the Rangers::
Rachel: Of course, this story was a little different. I believe I branched out on myself, allowing a competitor, so to speak, for Chip’s affections to enter the Ranger Headquarters. Clarice, the object of many a fanboy’s obsessions . . .
::Dale pokes Chip in the audience while Clarice blushes::
Rachel: Or, perhaps, just one fanboy’s . . .
::Now Dale pokes CD, who tries to sink into his seat::
Rachel: Clarice made the perfect romantic pawn– er, heroine, for me to incorporate into the vast Ranger-verse. I know it’s been a deviation from my usual “C+G” writings, but I considered it a challenge– and of course, it’s unresolved. A huge thanks goes out to all of the romantics out there for continuing to light the fires of love. Ok, before Monty has a cheese attack, I’d better get down from here.
::Rachel blows many kisses to the audience, proudly clutching her award as she exits. Obi-Wan bows then unsheathes his lightsaber in case he’s sparked another romance fight. Quickly, he backs offstage::