::A tall rat dressed in only a
paint-spattered t-shirt strides out onto the stage. With his long bland
hair tied back in a ponytail, those who had been around for the previous Golden
Acorn Awards recognized him as Philippe, the eccentric and egomaniacal French
artist from "The Wandering Feather". Taking his place at the
podium, he proceeds with the presentation::
Philippe: Ze small minded foo-els 'ave decided to apologize to me for ze disgraceful mistreatment zey forced upon my person and dignity last year. Zey did not even make ze idiotic demand zat I were a tuxedo!
::Upon referring to his formal attire, or lack thereof, the image of Philippe on the video screen behind was joined by a computer generated tux which, after some floating about, was superimposed over the rat's t-shirt. Philippe naturally interpreted the ensuing applause the only way he could::
Philippe: Clearly my fans agree! Zey 'ave invited a much more enlightened rabble zis year. Zey do not want to see someone of my greatness dressed up in a monkey suit!
::Philippe's tux was promptly replaced by an appropriately sized gorilla costume, much to the amusement of the audience which erupted in laughter::
Philippe: Oui! Eet ees *zey* who will look foolish!"
::His gorilla costume was replaced with a pink bikini, complete with a shapely female body, inciting more laughter... and some wolf whistles::
Philippe: Eet Eez *I* who alone shall maintain 'is dignity!
::Bikini-clad Philippe was replaced with a clip of Krusty the Clown giving his trademark goofy laugh. Several audience members fell out of their seats laughing. Having heard the unfamiliar laugh added to his speech, Philippe was sufficiently suspicious to finally turn around to see what was actually on the screen behind him. Seeing himself dressed in a virtual pink tutu, he stepped back from the podium in shock giving an unobstructed view of his while person...causing more raucous laughter. Almost immediately, the tutu vanished and in its place was a pair of baggy pants held up by suspenders. With a 'sproing', the suspenders came lose allowing the pants to drop and reveal polka-dot boxers. Seeing this, Philippe sputtered in outrage before turning back to face the audience::
Philippe: Thees will not stand!! I refuse to continue! I weel not be made to look ze fool!
::As if on cue, Philippe was given a court jester's costume. Storming from the stage, a virtual piece of toilet paper trailed along from one of his heels. Chip soon walked out to the podium to the cheers of the audience:
Chip: Sorry, but that was the only way to keep him from making too much of a scene…that didn't include sending him to the hospital. By the way, let's hear it for Gadget and Dale up in the AV booth!
::There was a round of applause for the unseen duo, who replied with a large "Golly, thanks!" text on the screen::
Chip: This award goes to the artist who has provided the most impressive collection of Ranger related artwork for the past year. Now, the nominees for Best Artist for 2005 are:
::Chip withdrew the envelope and opened it::
Chip: And the recipient is...a tie, between Fish and Jon Lemerond!
::Fish and Jon stood up, as did the rest of the audience a moment later in recognizing them. The two of them came up on stage together::
Jon: I am deeply touched that the members of the cafe consider my art to be on par with an artist that you all so clearly admire. I want to thank all you and especially Fish for introducing me to the Acorn Cafe in the first place.
Fish: And I want to thank you again for recognizing me, and
my friend Jon. I’m off to
::Behind them, the big screen
suddenly showed a clip from the Bob Hope/Bing Crosby movie “Road to