::From out of nowhere, Irish music fills the auditorium. Then instruments appear, floating in midair. A few moments later, a brilliant light in the shape of a four-leaf clover appears near the podium and Darby Spree, king of the leprechauns, steps through it::
Darby: Sure, and it’s a pleasure to be here with all you friends o’ me friends, the Rescue Rangers! They saved me pot ‘o gold, and pleased it is to help out with this ceremony I am!
::Darby floats up to the podium, standing next to the microphone::
Darby: Now, I be here to give away the fine award for Best Website Maintainer. Tis a fine thing to be maintaining something, and all we little people know the value of maintaining the greenwood and our beloved pot ‘o gold. So let’s see who are the ones who do the best maintaining around here:
::Darby waves his hand in the air and an envelope appears::
Darby: Try to catch that act in Vegas now! And the winner of the Best Maintainer award is Winston. Sure and it’s a deserved honor.
::Winston (attending the awards in
the form of a grey squirrel) gets up and starts walking to the stage. He’s
wearing a black shirt featuring the image of a strawberry, with bold white text
above reading "UNBAN IT", and a pair of jeans::
"You were supposed to wear a tuxedo!" someone whispers as he passes by.
"Hey, I'm a reclusive weirdo. What do you want?" Winston replies. "This shirt is clean and doesn't have any holes in it - that's about as dressed-up as you're gonna catch me."
::He proceeds to the stage, then approaches the microphone but looks a little lost for anything to say::
"Wow... I won?" He finally says. "Man, is that annoying. My apologies to whoever would have won this if I hadn't."
::He turns to walk away::
"Hey! You're supposed to take the award statue with you!" A stagehand stopped him, pointing back to where he'd left the statue sitting.
"And carry around that heavy thing? What for?" Winston asked. "Whoever considers it valuable enough to be worth bearing the weight can <i>have it</i>, as far as I'm concerned!"
::Dr. Indy comes up on stage::
Dr. Indy: Well, we knew that you’d probably not want the awards, Winston, but I think we have something that you <i>will</i> like. Your reward’s in several parts, and here’s the first hint of it…