::The self-proclaimed mad scientist Minerva Bilderpavsky from CD’s stories enters the stage. At her request the band plays the “March of the Volunteers”, China’s National anthem::
Minerva: Thank you all for letting me join you this day, and believing blindly that I will not blow up the place for my own personal goals.
::A few of the villains in the audience snicker, but the security guards aren’t amused. Minerva continues::
Minerva: I am honored to present this “Best Action/Adventure” award tonight. The management must know I love action and adventure. I always wanted to fight when I was in the Brazilian army, but they wouldn’t let me. It had something to do with ‘cruelty’ and ‘war crimes’ and ‘releasing a unstoppable horror on the world’. But I really like being dramatic; I even joined the Widget Hackwrench fanclub! Ah, but I am straying from the main topic, the award.
::Minerva gets a concentrated look on her face, bring her hands up, facing each other, fingers spread::
Minerva: We have only two contestants fighting a neck-to-neck race, a battle between two powerful dragons fighting for supremacy! In this match, winner takes all! Tensions are hot as the eastern mouse unravels the envelope of mystery to find out which will triumph! Oh, the nominees, right:
“Of Mice and Mayhem” by Chris Fisher vs “The Return of Winifred” by Jareth
Minerva: And the victor is...
Dale (from the audience): Fish! Fish! Fish!
::Minerva picks up a frozen salmon from behind the podium and flings it in Dale’s direction::
Minerva: Be glad it wasn’t filled with TNT! The winner is…Fish!
::A flourish of the orchestra and the sustained applause of the audience welcomes Fish back on stage::
Fish: Good Grief! Have I worn out my welcome yet?
::The audience laughs, and Fish holds up his award::
Fish: This is for all the jerks at the National Guard who wouldn’t let me rent the helicopters for the dramatic helicopter-car chase scene, and the studio who said it would cost too much to shoot. Luckily my cousin’s ex-girlfriend’s dad had a few choppers just sitting around at his militia compound in the woods near Denver. Special thanks to Cletus and Rufus who flew them in front of the blue screen for me, where we later added the DC street scenery. Well, I guess they weren’t kidding when they said they missed class the day they taught landing. I’d say they’d be missed, but nobody really liked Cletus or Rufus too much. We’ll miss those helicopters, though. Man they were shiny.
::Fish had lost himself in the glow of the memory, but now he refocuses::
Fish: Anyway- thank you all, and I promise more adventure and groundbreaking action FX in the future, as well. Although those expensive “Matrix”-y freeze and pivot shots don’t really have the same effect in comic form. THAT was a day’s shooting down the toilet. Monty STILL isn’t speaking to me over those rope burns he got.
::The audience laughs again as the spotlight goes to a disgruntled Monty. Fish thanks everyone again and the orchestra starts up as Minerva leads Fish offstage. Indy then comes onstage to the podium::
Indy: Rest assured everyone, this is no “winner takes all” contest. Everyone who gets nominated is already special enough. And we have people checking the buildings for any bombs that Minerva might have placed so everything is fine.
::With that reassuring statement, Indy leaves the stage::