::Prior to the next presenter taking the stage, a screen lowers into position just above and behind the main podium. The audience watches as text begins to appear on the screen: <I>Testing, testing, 1 2 3. Golly, it works</I>! Gadget, having ascertained that the relay between the keyboard and screen is functioning normally, turns over her seat backstage to Della, a young female mouse, who promptly sets to work. The audience watches as Della quickly taps out a notice concerning the next award presentation::
Della: Due to the unusually heavy accent of our next presenter and his arrogant refusal to make any effort to speak more clearly, closed captioning will be provided.
::There is a pause before Della adds of her own accord::
Della: As much as some of you may want to later, please refrain from throwing things at our next presenter. The janitorial staff and Award organizers will appreciate such restraint. Thank you.
::As some in the audience wonder who the next presenter was, he appears. Philippe, the eccentric artist from KS’s The Wandering Feather, his long blond hair tied back in a ponytail, struts out onto the stage. The fact that all the rat was wearing was a paint-speckled tee shirt contrasted with the usual fine dress of the others who had taken the stage previously. Once at the podium, he proceeds with the presentation::
Philippe: Zey tried to get me to wear a suit, but I showed zem! I took eet off while walking to the stage! I refuse to look and act like all ze ozer trained monkeys zey send out before you!
Della [paraphrasing Philippe]: I was supposed to wear a tuxedo, but I took it off. I refuse to act like the other presenters.
Philippe: You ‘ave been graced with my presence because I am ‘ere to present ze Golden Acorn for ze Best Artiste.
Della: I am here to present the Golden Acorn for Best Artist.
Philippe: But what eez ze point? I am ze best artiste, for I am Philippe Marie-Suzon, ze greatest artiste in ze world!
Della: But what is the point? I am the best artist, for I am Philippe Marie-Suzon, an egomaniac.
Philippe: All ozers are merely pretenders, copying my works, my genius! Zey are nozing compared to me!
Della: All others are pretenders, copying my works, my genius! They are nothing compared to me! (Can you believe this guy? : / )
Philippe: Zis eez why I was not nominated. Zey were jealous!
Dell: This is why I was not nominated. They were jealous! (Yeah, right)
Philippe: And even zough I am most deverving, I will refuse ze Golden Acorn! Eet eez too small an award to match my greatness!
Della: Even though I am most deserving, I will refuse the Golden Acorn! It is too small to match my enormous ego!
Philippe: But why should I tell you any of zis? You are all too stupeed to appreciate my genius. You! Ze uncultured, beer-swilling <I>Americains</I>!
Della: But why should I tell you any of this? You are all too stupid to appreciate my monstrous ego. Chip! He should send Monty out here to beat the fire out of me!
Philippe: Your silence makes eet clear zat you are all in agreement wiz Indy, Chip and ze ozer foo-els who orchestrated zis ceremony... zis fraud!
Della: Really, I deserve to be hit hard. Chip told me not to make a scene but I did anyway. I should be punished.
::Monty walks out onto the stage as Philippe continues with his rant::
Philippe: Ze Golden Acorns are an afront to my great genius!
Della: At the Golden Acorns, someone should punt me like a football!
::Philippe jumps slightly when he notices Monty beside him, cracking his knuckles::
Philippe: But I digress. Ze nominees are:
Della: But I digress. The nominees are:
Philippe: Ze recipient of zis year’s Golden Acorn for Best Artist is...Fish!
::From out of nowhere, Philippe is pummeled by a hail of halibut::
Della: The recipient of this year’s Golden Acorn for Best Artist is...Fish! The halibut’s on me :-)
::The audience applauds as Fish walks his way down from the mezzanine and reassumes the stage::
Fish: When I found Paltiel Goldstein’s Internet Gadget Internet Archives 4 years ago and had my inner Gadgetphile rudely awakened, I had a dream-
To one day play monopoly on the beach with Alyssa Milano and Gary Trudeau.
::The audience laughs a little::
Fish: But since that was never gonna happen- I took on the next best dream: To become a moderately recognized artist in the CDRR community, of which, whether I liked it or not, I was a part of even without formally joining until recently.
It wasn’t by choice I never signed on from the beginning- making introductions, showing preliminary drawings and such—I simply was not technically capable.
“Scanners” was the just the title of a 70’s horror flick and “Photoshop” was where I got my camera fixed. That was probably for the best, as when I finally got it all together- the Turkey was cooked and ready for presentation.
::Scenes from “Of Mice and Mayhem show on the big screen as he continues::
Fish: If anyone ever saw my original CDRR sketches, I would have been grateful for a “most improved” nod- the painful memories of my ghastly first attempts (Monty wore a BOWLER HAT!) burned discriminately into the collective Rangerphile conscious. They say you learn from your mistakes. To win this award, I assure you all, by this prerequisite, I truly earned it.
::All the artists in the audience nod, understanding::
Fish: Thank you for this honor, everyone- I am very happy that I have been more than “moderately” recognized, as it were.
::Fish takes his award, bowing to the applause. Philippe is unconscious on the stage, and a couple of the janitorial staff come and take him off in a wheelbarrow, along with the halibut::