::A ship's whistle resounds throughout the theater, and a ship's gangway lowers onto the stage. To the accompaniment of a boson’s pipe, "piping the side", Loki descends the gangway, formally attired in his Dinner dress blues::
Loki: Thank you all for welcoming an old Sailor into your computers again. The category I'm presenting honors those wordsmiths among our writers' community who have the ability, with remarkably few words, to invoke a smile, a laugh, a tear, a wistful memory or a wild rush of happiness. The category is "Best Dialogue, Line or Quote" from a fan fiction. The nominees are many and distinguished, and I can only wish that I had all the time I need to personally see each of these nominees, and their stories:
"Alas, poor thumbtack, I knew him, Horseradish...", by KS, from Roaches, Hamsters, and Ladybugs, Oh, My!, spoken by Dale
Loki: A treat for those of us who are of a Shakespearean bent. One wonders if the rest of the story was also in iambic pentameter.
Chip and Dale's heated argument, by The J.A.M., from Death of a Comedian (Chapter Tessares)
Loki: There are many heated arguments between these two, it's a staple of all their films. Yet this one stands out.
"Comic acting takes timing! It takes skill! It takes practice...take me, I'm yours!", by Indy & Chris Silva, from Rangers/Animaniacs
Loki: Writing for one set of manic characters is hard enough. Two? Did someone ask for a P-sychiatrist? Helllo-o-o nurse!
Dale and Foxglove disciplining the Batmunk, by The J.A.M., from I Dream of the New Ranger
Loki: I didn't read this one. Is this an offspring or a villain? Someone fill me in!
Dale finds out just what the guards *would* believe..., by Indy and Rennod, from The Day Smart Became Dale
Loki: (a la Don Adams) The old comedy spy crossover trick, eh? Don't tell me I missed this one too?! I asked you not to tell me that! Sorry about that.
Foxglove's argument on the second ending, by The J.A.M., from Let's Suppose Chip & Dale Behaved Slightly Differently After The Kidnapping
Loki: Fat Cat hath no fury like our favorite bat scorned.
"Hmmm. Most peculiar. I feel perspicacious, sagacious...even astute," Dale noted., by Indy & Chris Silva, from The Day Dale Became Smart
Loki: How about erudite, or clever, intelligent maybe, even witty! Okay, I'll put the thesaurus away now.
"I'm waiting for the Belching Bulldogs!", by KS, from Roaches, Hamsters, and Ladybugs, Oh My!
Loki: Ah yes, male bonding at its finest. Who's next?
"The Machiavellian Gourmet?", Lahwhinie, by Indy & Chris Silva, from The Untold Ranger Tales
Loki: Yeah, when he says "bam" he actually whacks the dish with a baseball bat. I dunno, can you trust a cook who feels it is better to be feared than to be loved?
"Who you callin' a zipper, fool! Now cut with the jibber jabber and come on!", by Indy & Chris Silva, from RR/ATeam: Dale on the Jazz
Loki: One question, how does a fly carry all that gold around? Moving right along . . .
"Wow, he, that, golly, oh... Oh, I'm, I'm okay. I'm okay," she said as much to herself as Monty. "Golly", by Jeff Wikstrom, from Dance of the Dreams
Loki: Now this one I did read. I have to say, this guy positively nailed the whole awkwardly-romantic moment thing.
"Yes," Gadget, at the end, by John Nowak, from Sovereign
Loki: Um, what? And now the moment you've all been waiting for: I finally shut up, except to announce the winner, which is . . .
::Loki opens the envelope::
Loki: As you might suspect, there is more than one! They are KS for ‘alas, poor thumbtack’, The J.A.M. for Chip and Dale’s heated argument, and Indy and Chris Silva for ‘who you callin’ a zipper, fool!’.
::Kevin makes his way onto the stage and over to the podium to accept his award. Clearing his throat, he looks out into the audience::
Kevin: Many <I>nya:wehs</I> to the Academy. Wait, what Academy...never mind. The idea for the line didn’t come to me until the very last minute...it just kinda jumped out at me, it was just so Dale.
::Dale shouts, “You got it, KS!” to him, and the crowd laughs in response::
Kevin: Anyhow, this wouldn’t have been possible without the Bard of Avon himself, William Shakespeare, without whose intensely moody ‘Hamlet’, Dale wouldn’t have had such a great line. Thanks, Bill!
::After a moment of reflection he continues::
Kevin: Perhaps this will herald a new era of Ranger crossovers... the mixing of our favorite rodents and insect with the works of the greatest playwright of all times. Maybe we will see such works as ‘Fat Cat VIII’, ‘The Taming of Luwhiney’, ‘Julius Zipper’ and ‘The Tempest’ with Sparky as Prospero. Whatever happens, my thanks go out to Shakespeare for the inspiration and to the Rangerphile community for their support!
::Bowing to the audience graciously, KS leaves the podium. Then the audience roared just as loud as the jaguar did, who stood up on top of his chair::
¡¡¡¡¡GOL, GOL, GOL, GOL, GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLL!!!!!
::He, Chris Silva, and the chipmunks run down to the stage,
and the band plays "Little Girl". Once there, the onça
decides to wait for Chip and Dale to stop fighting for the microphone.
::Suddenly both chipmunks are silenced by two furry paws
that clamp their mouths shut. The panther finally speaks::
J.A.M.: AHEM!!! Wow, TWO nominations again!! What I *think* these two best of friends are trying to say is that they're both REALLY happy that you voted for them. Any friendship has its snags, and when they pile up over time, a trauma can make things get ugly, but if the friendship is strong, like YOURS, GUYS…
::The chipmunks stop struggling and calm down, finally::
J.A.M.: …then it can survive, and come out cleansed and stronger than before, am I right, guys?
::He releases the chipmunks, and both remain hushed, as does
Dale: It was—it was intense.
Chip: And revealing. Dale, I wouldn't have anyone else for a best friend.
Dale: Aww, shucks, Chip!!
::The chipmunks hug, and the jaguar hugs them both. The audience stands and roars, and a few cry as well::
J.A.M.: Also, I'd also like to thank most of all Christopher Silva, because he's the one who originally wrote 'Dale's' Lament. I simply took Dale's speech and adapted it to my story, so he deserves this award just as much. Chris, do you wanna say a few words?
::Chris steps up to the mic::
Chris: I'm glad I was able to help and I thank J.A.M for the nod.
::The four take their awards, give an elegant bow, and leave the stage. Then the orchestra plays the theme from “The A-Team” and Zipper comes out in his B.A. attire from the show, complete with Mohawk. Accompanying him, dressed in green camouflage pants and a red shirt, is none other than Mr. T! The two of them give a thumbs-up, and Mr. T walks up two the podium::
Mr. T: My little T friend asked me to come tonight and make sure he wasn’t ignored. LISTEN UP, SUCKAS!
::Zipper flies up to the podium, measuring in just a little
less tall than the award he’s receiving::
Zipper: Thanks, big T! I want to thank Indy and Chris for letting me show my true colors. Zipper T is tough, and don’t you forget it! Now give me that trophy before that crazy fool Murdock comes along and gets it!
::Mr. T. and Zipper laugh at Zipper’s impersonation, and Zipper smiles. He hauls the award up over his head, showing off his musculature, and flies off the podium. The “A-Team” theme plays again and little T and big T leave the stage. Loki salutes and ascends the gangplank, disappearing from sight::