::A young man wearing a plaid shirt and glasses hesitantly walks onto the stage, approaches the podium and pulls out a piece of paper, which he is about to read from. However, a sudden gust of wind snatches the paper away, sending it sailing off towards the great lost speech burial grounds of old. Painless Doc Johnson shrugs and improvises::
Painless: Oh! Well. I -did- have a speech prepared. It was about how winning isn’t everything, but it’s still quite nice anyway. I even had an opening joke! It went something like ‘a vole, a leopard, and a newt walk into a dark alley and change a lightbulb’ or something. I just can’t remember. I’m really quite sorry about it.
::Silence reigns supreme like a Roman emperor of old, and Painless figures it’s best to move on::
Painless: My memory isn’t very good, especially when I’m nervous. I end up jabbering away and forgetting why I came, and why I’m even talking, and that there are other people around, and what color the sky is, and my birthday, and getting people their Christmas fruitcake, and all kinds of other important things. Totally slips out of my mind, you know? Now... I -did- have something important to do. Something to do with awards. Oh yes! Presenting the nominees for the category of Best GIF Animation! And the Nominees are...
1) ‘Gadget at a Railing in the Rain’, by Alexy ‘Shredder’ Kobyshev
2) ‘Gadget Bop’, by Matt Plotecher
3) ‘The RR Symbol’, by Ruslan Matvienko
::Painless calls for the envelope, then promptly lays it down on the podium::
Painless: And the winner is...oh wait, what did I do with it?
Indy (from offstage): Look down!
::Painless does so, then looks over at Indy in consternation::
Painless: What’s wrong? I didn’t wear my flip-flops!
Indy: No, on the podium! The podium!
::Painless looks there and with a sigh of relief takes the envelope::
Painless: Whew. Wouldn’t want to lose this baby. Hey, the big winner is Matt Plotecher for ‘Gadget Bop’!
::Strict, Arc, and Cyan step out from behind the curtain. They have surprised everyone by actually donning the appropriate attire for the event. Well, sorta. Cyan’s rented tux is too large for his short frame. Arc wears a decent pair of slacks and a blouse, but naturally both have small stains of soot, dust, and tomato sauce on them. Strict, of course, still has trouble mastering proper hygiene habits, has tape around the bridge of his horn-rimmed glasses, and is about two sizes to big for his tuxedo. The cummerbund, in particular, looks as if it could go at any moment::
Cyan (straightening up as much as possible to see over the podium): We’re here to accept this award, though why us in particular is totally beyond me.
Arc: Thank you, Mr. Tact.
Strict (inspecting the award): What’d you think this’d get on e-bay?
Arc (grinning): A corn? Get it?
Cyan: No—I refuse to.
::Cyan turns back to the audience::
Cyan: I suppose that we should thank people and some junk, but I really don’t care to.
Arc: Works for me. Who’s up for another trip to the buffet?
Strict: First I gotta change outta this get-up; I feel like a third-rate James Bond impersonator....
::They exit off to the side. Painless scratches his head for a minute, then prepares to give another award. The announcer comes on again::
Dr. Batorious (announcing): When we return, the Artistic Categories, including Best Artist and Best Artwork. Stay tuned—the Golden Acorn Awards returns in a few minutes…