::The lights dim and the band starts to play the theme from “James Bond” again. A huge human in a white suit and two big and evil-looking lackeys come out on stage. Dale jumps up from his seat::
Dale: Gasp! It’s Dr. So-So!
::Then from the other side of the stage come two humans, one
tall and debonair, one short and ready to fight::
Dale: All right! It’s Dirk Suave, Superspy, and his able right-hand assistant Oddshoe!
::The girls in the audience all scream—yes, even Gadget—and Dirk smiles and nods their way. Then Dr. So-So gets his attention again::
Dr. So-So: You won’t get to present any award tonight, Meeester Suave. My friends and I will see to that!
Dale (from the audience): BOOOOO!
::Chip bonks him::
Oddshoe: Dirk, what will we do?
Dirk: So, So-So, you think you can keep me from awarding this Golden Acorn for Best Author, do you? We shall see…
::So-So and his minions run at Suave, but he uses his secret agent belt rope to ascend up into the rafters—no, not near Strigidæ. The villains gather below, and from his handkerchief pocket Suave throws out his red silk handkerchief, which enlarges to become a net. The bad guys are captured, and Suave and Oddshoe head for the podium. The girls all scream again, particularly Tammy, who has to be held back::
Dirk: I’m ever so pleased to be here with all of you. We superspies get so little time for official functions like this, but when we can it’s a real pleasure.
::Tammy breaks free from Chip and Dale’s grip, runs up on stage and smooches Dirk in front of everyone. The crowd laughs at Dirk’s predicament until a taller squirrel stands up—Donna, her mother, to be exact::
Donna: Tammy Elizabeth Chesnutt! What in the world are you doing!?
::Tammy looks into the audience and blushes::
Tammy: Oh. Oops?
::The crowd breaks out in laughter, and Dirk takes it in stride::
Dirk: It’s quite all right, ma’am. Happens all the time.
::Tammy leaves the stage, not liking the look in her mother’s eye, and Dirk continues::
Dirk: And now, the nominees for Best Author:
Dale: I bet I know who it is! ¡¡¡MEXICO!!! ¡¡¡MEXICO!!! ¡¡¡MEXICO!!!
::The crowd laughs again, as Dale cavorts up and down the aisles with The J.A.M.’s flag. Dirk smiles and continues::
Dirk: The Best Author Acorn goes to—yes, it’s The J.A.M.!
::Once more, the jaguar roars, and everyone joins him::
“¡¡¡MEXICO!!! ¡¡¡MEXICO!!! ¡¡¡MEXICO!!! ¡¡¡MEXICO!!! ¡¡¡MEXICO!!!
::As he runs down to the stage, the band plays Michael W. Smith’s “Somebody Love Me”. He arrives at the podium, still chanting, and he takes his award. Finally, he hushes again, and waits for the audience to hush as well::
::He has to take another minute to calm down and catch his breath::
J.A.M.: I thought the European competition was going to fly over me…um…wow…
::He looks in front of him::
J.A.M.: I’d like to thank everyone of my family for supporting me in my writing hobby, everyone of the Rescue Ranger community for asking me to write, and for enjoying my stories as well, but most of all I’d like to thank two wonderful authors, one of which is no longer with us…
::The audience hushes suddenly::
J.A.M.: Thanks to Charles Mendelsonn Schultz (of whom I had a dream the night before I wrote this, believe it or not), and Joaquín Salvador Lavado ‘Quino’, for the comic strips ‘Peanuts’ and ‘Mafalda’. Both were introduced to me when I was five years old, and they triggered the spark in me to begin writing fanfiction. Also, I’d like to thank William Hanna [a moment of silence again] and Joseph Barbera for the series ‘The Biskitts’, because it was that show that began a fanfic that I wrote on and off for 11 years, all *handwritten*, mind you, and helped me get the writing experience I needed.
Also, thank you to Douglas Adams [silence], yes, thanks for all the fish, wherever you are, and to Brian Jacques, because they, too, influenced my style in a wonderful way. Finally, I’d like to thank Michael ‘Questy’ Demcio, Robert ‘Robo|\|erd’ Hollingshead, Don Weatherwax, and Roy
Neal Grissom, for all their fanfics, which kinda coaxed me into remaining in the community, but most of all, Roy Neal Grissom for his fanfics ‘Home Is Where You Hang Upside-Down’ and ‘Consummation’, for triggering my talent once more that began with a tangent fanfic that blossomed into what everyone here has enjoyed greatly.
Also, a very special mention to Aivars Liepa, Rem, and Ruslan, for being wonderful authors themselves!
::With that, he takes his award, holds it up high, holds the Mexican flag up high as well, and chants with the crowd::
ALL: ¡¡¡MEXICO!!! ¡¡¡MEXICO!!! ¡¡¡MEXICO!!! ¡¡¡MEXICO!!! ¡¡¡MEXICO…!!!
::Dirk and Oddshoe applaud the jaguar as he leaves the stage, to figure out how he is going to ship all those awards home, and turn their attention to their captured adversaries. They drag them off, net and all, with the ladies all screaming their approval::