::The curtain parts stage left, and out walks a kiwi with a tribal chief’s regalia. He nods to the applause of the crowd and heads to the podium. It’s the chief from “Kiwi’s Big Adventure” whose voice bears a strong resemblance to Ed Sullivan::
Chief: Thank yoooo! Hello everyone, and welcome to the next part of the shoooo, right here, in this very theater. This next award will be really big, because it’s the award for Best Joke/Use of Humor.
::All at once, Pepto Gizmo, the wacky kiwi witch doctor, appears from behind the left curtain::
Pepto: One moment, one moment! If it’s funny you want, you should have me giving the award! I’m the funniest kiwi of the tribe!
::Pepto faces the audience, and the chief covers his face::
Pepto: Hey folks! Do you know what you get when you cross a kiwi with a skateboard? A rolling pinfeather! Ha, ha, ha, ha!
::The chief summons “the hook”, and Pepto is dragged off-stage::
Chief: That’ll be enough out of you, Pepto. Now, the nominees are:
Dale's Stand-Up Routine, by The J.A.M., from Death of a Comedian
Chief: Only one? Well, I guess that means the competition didn’t stand a chance. We salute our really big winner, The J.A.M.!
::The J.A.M. and Dale calmly pad down to the podium as the band plays “Born To Be Alive”. Foxglove cheers and whistles like crazy for her male::
Dale: Uh, Foxy, thanks, but if you keep that up, Gadget might end up deaf!
::Then he turned to the jaguar next to him::
Dale: Wow, J.A.M., you’re right! There’s not much point in being the only nominee!”
J.A.M : Maybe the international competition has a strange sense of humour?
Dale: Hey! I’ll have you know that my routine was carefully timed!! It was the Comedian’s best performance ever!!
::Foxglove stood and cheered loudly again at this, and a few others in the audience joined her. After they calmed down, Dale turned serious::
Dale: I’ve never—well—felt so—free to be myself, you know. Thanks for letting me make others feel happy.
::He suddenly hugged the onça tight, who then spoke with a bit of effort::
J.A.M.: I shouldn’t have let him use the gym that long!! Well, while he expresses his gratitude, I wanna thank Roy Neal Grissom and John Nowak for the two jokes they contributed! Also, a big thank you to Jerry Seinfeld and Andrés Bustamante, because it was their styles and mannerisms which I based most of the performance on.
Also, thanks to Steve Martin, Robin Williams, Gallagher, ‘Wierd’ Al Yankovic, and all the other great comedians I’ve seen over the years, for the inspiration of this particular segment. Which, I might add, was the most difficult for me to write, since I myself am a *very* serious person, which is why I asked for everyone’s help *from the start of the story,* mind you, and I only got two responses!!
As Dale said, it required careful timing, AND careful choosing of topic, analysis of topic, and a thorough search for absurdity in everyday life as well as the episodes and fanfics that went before this story.
::The J.A.M.’s acceptance speech begins rolling off the stage, due to its length. Indy hands Dale a pair of scissors and the munk clips off the excess. Dale starts to use them like castanets, but Indy intercepts him, knowing how tempting it would be. The jaguar returns to his abbreviated speech::
J.A.M.: Heh, um…¡¡¡MEXICO!!! ¡¡¡MEXICO!!! ¡¡¡MEXICO!!! ¡¡¡MEXICO!!! ¡¡¡MEXICO…!!!
::Both left the stage again, and Foxglove resumed her loud cheering, and didn’t stop until the chief kiwi spoke again::
Chief: Weren’t they great folks? Thank yoooou, and it was a really big treat, right here and right now!
::The chief waves and walks off the stage, to the applause of the crowd::